Day Eight "Revival on the Highway"

We have to take back our land from the Enemy.

- Beth Moore, Session 6 "The Inheritance"

After this message, I broke down. Oh yes, if you could have had night vision - you would have seen a site to behold and it wasn't pretty. But boy o boy did it feel good. I just let God have complete access to me and it was crazy cool. And, well, I guess there was an angel helping me drive through it all. I can't share with you everything that happened, but lets just say I definitely had a "revival on the highway" tonight.

I believe God finally allowed my spirit to be liberated. I feel different. I know more pain will come, but the pain of my past no longer has a grip on my psyche. God used my newly 'elected' mentor to help show me the way. I've been trying to study her freedom in Christ. I have known that I had achieved it partially. I could even say that in many areas of my life I am free as a bird - happy and willing to love life and do anything for God. My soul is open to Him. But, as I've listened to the teaching from Inheritance - God has reached deeper into the recesses of my soul.

Driving down the road from Texas to Connecticut - I felt God in the car with me. Through this lesson God revealed to me the control the enemy has had on my mind - how parts of my soul were still in the worse sort of chains - resulting in my hidden insecurities. I can't say the average person would know I struggle with this, but some how admitting it in the blogosphere makes it real.

Tonight God allowed me to recognize the pain residing in my soul from past experiences that had brutalized my soul in ways I don't really feel like describing right now. He showed me the pain that my heart felt with regards to past situations and the disgust I feel because I was not strong enough to resist the forces in my life that led me to destructive choices. God allowed me to acknowledge that despite what was done to me and despite the choices I made that He was there to redeem and sanctify the hidden dark recesses of my soul. God just opened a window to pain that I didn't even know was there - what I saw terrified me. He showed me the scars on my heart that I had forgotten about.

He showed me that as I had moved on forgiving myself and those who had pained me in the past, I actually had buried not only the painful memories, but also the millions of good parts that make up who I am. As Beth says, I moved off of my proverbial land and I was trying to ignore that it still existed. God reminded me that I am not to forget, but to let God redeem me - not just parts of me - all of me. To acknowledge He is in full control - loves me for exactly who I am. He has huge plans for me and I have to trust Him.

I hope you respect that the nitty gritty details right now aren't really important. The act of complete submissiveness to God is the star here. But, to go ahead and jump into complete vulnerability here, this is my heart's prayer I recorded in my journal tonight:

Lord, my mind is racing in positive directions today. Thank you for this. Thank you for your love and willingness to heal my soul. I feel complete again on the inside. Grant me your mercy and grace as I work to give you my full heart. I want to be the one who gives my entire heart to you. If it pleases you, I would love to make a difference with my life - in order that I may glorify you in the process. Though I have no idea how, I want to impact millions for You. It's been my dream for many years that others can experience the peace and joy you bring into my life. Help me to become a woman worthy of spreading Your Word. Send to me in Your time my husband who can be my partner in ministry. I pray His heart is as sold out to You as mine is. I love you. You are the only reason I get up everyday. You are my only hope. Speak in me so that I may know how to share that hope with others. Enable me to be passionate. Give me that fire. May your joy and light be evidenced in my eyes, soul, and body. I'm ready for the adventure. I can't wait to live the life you have planned for me. I can't wait to experience the blessings you have for me. Make me a woman worthy of them. Amen.