Day 59 "Sunday Soap Opera"

Well, you guys know that Sunday's are the day I take a break from my mentor and usually give a shout out to someone else. But today, I can't resist because I have to show you something she put up on her blog today that just makes my heart completely happy.

It is at times like these when I know that I made the right choice in choosing a fake mentor :O) She makes me laugh out loud at the craziest moments. Tonight, as I was stressed out trying to get some school work done, I decided to procrastinate and check her blog out. And this is what I found - a pick me up for sure :O).

Also, this post of hers is a good one for showing you her willingness to be real, which is what I strive for on a daily basis as I pursue God with my whole heart. Anyway, I figure in this project additional insight is always good.

So, the soap opera at church for sure continued. We haven't seen an up swing yet in the story of Jacob's family. In fact, we saw more down turns this week in the family that could have its own modern day reality TV show. I can't get knee deep in the content with you because I want to keep my blog G rated, but here are a few highlights or as I like to think of them, low lights. This week we see the clear result of not raising kids up in the ways of God. Jacob's sons have clearly gone astray and this week as we move on to see Judah, next in line for the birth right, its hard not to be disappointed in our spiritual lineage.

The short story. Judah wasn't a Christian. At 16 years old he decided he was ready for a wife, so he left his house and married a woman that he should not have married. They had three kids. Two were killed for doing evil in the sight of the Lord - struck DEAD. One of his evil sons had a wife, who by law his youngest son was supposed to marry. Well, Judah didn't keep obey the law or his commitment to his late son's wife and he kept the young son from her. As a result, one night when drunk he ends up being with Tamar (his first sons wife) and they end up having twins together. (The details you will have to read for yourself) The good news, is this whole incident actually brought Judah to God. He repented of His sins and did right by Tamar. And, as God would have it - these twins are a part of the lineage of Christ. WHEW. That was a mouthful and not even all of it. Insane right? For all the details you just have to go to Genesis. It's a wild ride for sure.

OK Peeps. I have to go. Talk to you later gators.

Day 58 "What faith can do"

But then some of us experience bigger changes than these. Dramatic changes. Changes that change everything.

-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 78

What a day. What a day. My mind is in an interesting place. I would say, a vulnerable place. I am really trying to take what I am learning from my mentor to heart. In particular, I want to overcome this inner battle I have with insecurity.

Yesterday, I mentioned that this week (until next Thursday) I am suppose to assess what the causes of my insecurity. On my heart today is "Dramatic Change." As I see the changes in my life, and as I see the change in others lives, I can't help but reconcile with the fact that change does indeed have a dramatic affect. I look at Haiti, my heart breaks. I look at Chile and the devastation there today and my heart breaks. And, there have been times where change in my own life has caused my heart to break. But what do we do during these times? How do we keep the change from driving us toward insecurity?

Well, in my opinion - we bear our souls to God. We get down on our knees and we just tell Him everything on our mind. We tell Him how seeing others suffer is brutal. We tell Him that the homeless person we passed on the way home from the grocery store just ripped our spiritual souls in half because we feel we have been given too much and that person too little. We tell Him that the love story we saw on TV made us long for a relationship. We tell Him what we don't understand. We tell Him the pain we feel as a result of living life here on planet Earth. We just talk to Him through the bad and thank Him for the good. We have faith that God has a plan and that He is at work.

To add to the sentiment, look what my mentor writes:

The truth is, God uses change to change us. He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny. I hate to display such a firm grasp of the obvious, but how will we ever change if everything around us stays the same? Or what will ever cause us to move on to the next place He has for us if something doesn't happen to change the way we feel about where we are? God is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece He started in us and the process means one major thing: change.

Look, I'll be honest, change is likely one of the biggest roots of my insecurity because it has been such a big part of my life. I've lived in an insane amount of houses (45+). One example is that I went to at least 12 schools in my K-12 experience. And you know what? I can honestly say that I see how that is benefiting my life now. I didn't always get it when I was younger, but I did know that God had a plan. I still do. He has allowed me to express to Him the pain I felt during those times and occasion I still talk to Him about why moving so much was part of His plan for me. He still hasn't told me :O). And, I am still moving. But coming to view it has positive is making a difference. This reminder from BM really drives me toward a new level of wholeness. God is growing me and taking me to new levels. So, for now instead of worrying about how I don't fit in sometimes, I am just going to embrace it and allow God to teach me how to make the most of it.

Have a great day.

Song of the Day: What Faith Can Do by Kutless

Oh, if you want to donate to Haiti you can go to this site. They are doing a lot of great work there and have had a ministry established there for like 4o years.

Help Haiti February 27th - HelpHaitiLive.com from Compassion International on Vimeo.

Day 57 "Can I get a witness?"

Today has been so weird. I woke up - snow on the ground. An hour later, rain came melted it away. Then like two hours later snowing again, which resulted in covered ground again. I kid you not, then it rained again melted and then a couple of hours later snowed some of the biggest flakes I have ever seen. Crazy right? It's dark now, but I am pretty sure it might be raining LOL. The weather has been to0 bipolar for my liking today :O). Personally, I haven't felt much different than the weather, I can't seem to make up my mind on how to feel either :O) But let's get into it:

Life is rough. It's also beautiful, but if we can't get some respite from its cruelty, we will never have the healthy vision to savor its tender beauty.

- Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 41

So this week my mentor charges me to discover the roots of my insecurities. Um, I don't even know where to begin because the information was all so very good. I feel like I am losing my objective eye today, but God is pushing me with this blog. Honestly, I am going to have to take a few days to absorb all that hit me spiritually . There were many things I realized; but, I need time to process. There were moments of elation and moments of concern. Life is rough, but it always gets better. So, I'm just going to hit on one thing in particular and then save the rest for tomorrow.

My focus today, odd as it may be, is on mentors. It does correlate with insecurity...just stick with me...

I am writing a book review for class on, Augustine as Mentor: A Model for Preparing Spiritual Leaders by Edward L. Smither. The point is to look into Augustine's spiritual formation of men who were spiritual leaders and trace the relevance of his methods throughout the centuries. I won't break down the whole book here, but look at his definition of mentoring:

in essence means that a master, expert, or someone with significant experience is imparting knowledge and skill to a novice in an atmosphere of discipline, commitment, and accountability.

Smither, as he sets up the rest of the book, directs us to Jesus as a model mentor. In short some of the characteristics of the mentor relationship are:

• the mentor was both mentor and disciple (meaning that though he was teaching, he was also still growing in knowledge);
• mentors select the persons they wants to mentor;
• the mentor and disciple are involved in a personal relationship that is characterized by both discipline and grace
• the mentor desires to see the potential of the disciple fulfilled;
• it involves rigorous training;
• this relationship is both educational and relational;
• it revolves around sound teaching from the Scriptures;
• mentor models ministry;
• disciple is deliberately involved;
• there is a time where the disciple goes out on his own, but their is still debriefing;
• eventually, the disciple is on his own but the relationship still exists.

This concept reflects the desire of my heart. I want this sort of relationship with someone. Sometimes I fear it evident on my face when I meet people I truly respect - I try and keep a cool though. I won't sit here and say that I believe I am the only one on the planet who wishes I could have a mentor. But, I do believe that if we had this type of mentor relationship in our life - we would all be less insecure. I mean look at the sources of insecurity that BM points out: instability in the home; a significant loss; rejection; dramatic change; culture; and pride. Obviously, deep immersion in the Word can help us overcome these hits, but imagine how much better it would be having a mentor spur you on to greatness in life as you overcome your challenges. Hmm. What I am noticing today is that in our culture we only get half involved in the mentor process.

You see, in our culture, we don't really see this exhibited that often. We are in the information age, which enables us to learn from more than one "mentor." Like me for instance, I am just bouncing around trying to get advice from anyone I can (under God's direction of course). It gives me the chance to learn more, but the learning is one-sided. I don't have anyone to keep me on track or challenge me to go deeper or keep me accountable to what God is asking me to do. I don't think I am alone in this, but what struck me this week as I studied insecurity is if I actually had a real mentor or if all of us actually had real mentors we would be so much more secure.

And, there is nothing wrong with me deciding for BM to be my mentor. She is in the field God is directing me too. She has experience, knowledge and all the criteria that I would need to learn from. She is, though indirectly, imparting her wisdom to me and whoever else chooses to listen. She is, as God has called her, mentoring to thousands of women. But what if I had a BM in my life who could mentor me more directly? What would that be like I wonder?

It takes real courage to admit that we want help. And I do. But, God has not seen it fit to provide this for me yet. I can't help but wonder why that is. I know God just wants me to be attentive to Him right now and I can't tell you how much he has blessed me with mentoring moments these last couple of years from people I respect. But the desire to learn in a more direct way is still there because I know if I had someone teaching me one on one I might have a chance to reach my potential. For now, the desire pushes me toward whoever God wills. Seeking wisdom in the day to day from the people He drops on me.

Can I get a witness? Anybody wish they had a mentor that would spur them onto greatness? My passion for having a mentor is obvious, I am willing to make up one :O) But seriously, don't you think it would make us less insecure? How would really living Titus 2 look?

Now, please don't misunderstand. I believe God is able to do all and be all in our life. He is the one we need for spiritual healing, spiritual understanding, and on and on. But I am just brainstorming on a way to make this concept of mentoring viable in my life so I can get the most out of my blog project. Who knows, maybe I can inspire one of you to be a mentor to someone in your life. I really just want to go deeper with who I am in God and it would be interesting to have someone other than myself driving me forward. We can make a difference. I see the need for mentoring relationships all around, and that it is why I have chosen this year to be a mentor to someone. Whether or not anyone ever chooses me won't derail me from my calling, it just means that I'm blessed to have God has my mentor right?

Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen. - Hebrews 11:1

For now, I will choose to keep deepening my faith. I know God knows the desires of my heart. He will give me the dreams of my heart in due time. For now, I rest in the providence of His timing. I hope you will too.

Song of the Day: Pick Yourself Up by KJ-52

Day 56 "Insight #2, Be Secure"

Hmm. As I worked on my insecurity lessons this week I received another insight that honestly should have occurred to me before today. One of the things God is using BM for is to help me be more secure. Don't worry, I hear your "Well duh" reverberating through the blogosphere :O) But seriously, He is using her to "mentor" me toward understanding why I am meant to live this life as a secure person. I've mentioned several times throughout the blog that this year as I pivot in a new direction, I want to feel more secure and today I can see how God is answering my prayer. I thought you might like to be reminded how far I have come in 56 days:

First, I started the journey. After submitting to what I thought was a crazy idea, God led me to realize that in part of the blog I would work to overcome my insecurity. And, He helped me to not be afraid of what lies ahead in the days to come in this project. He worked to show me that this would be the year I make huge changes in my life and convinced me I was a heiress. Then he took me to the bottom of my soul where I could discover where some pain resided that I haven't yet dealt with. Even later, he helped me overcome my insecurities associated with my blog and imaginary mentor. And by the end of January, God had me revved up and convinced that this project really is worth pursuing.

That brings me to February, where I am secure in the project and have started to address remaining insecurity issues head on. The first week of study allowed me to realize that not only was my hidden insecurity causing me trouble in my earthly relationships, but with my relationship with God. I was inspired to see thousands who where just as willing as me to overcome their insecurity and I was heart broken by the pain that emerged from those blogger pages. The good news is that my studies helped me to realize that I was self-sabotaging myself. This was the catalyst I needed to grow in a new direction and these last few weeks I've been able to work at not being the source of my own insecurities. Success here led me to my first insight to my blog project.

Then I moved onward to last week where I see that I am truly transitioning toward security. It feels good and I am ready to keep learning. And look, I am receiving this new insight today, so I can't complain. Whew, I can't believe God has brought me this far in just 56 days! I can truly say that I am feeling more confident in Him and a new level of peace is truly inhabiting my soul. I think the success here has been through God leading me in a slow and steady approach. I am not trying to jump ahead, I am just taking it day by day. I'm not reading ahead in the book, I am just staying true to how BM is guiding me through it and I believe this method is working. Day by day, I'm just submitting to God as I take a little time to be inspired and work toward a deeper relationship with Him. Mano, what a journey so far.

Well, I won't go into all I have learned today in my insecurity studies, I'll save the main portion of that for tomorrow. But here is a little teaser that is serving as my mentor moment today:

That was then. This is now. Where on earth is all our insecurity coming from? And what make some people struggle with it so much more than others? We-re going to sit down in the dirt for a little while and dig down deep until we discover some roots. IF you've dealt with insecurity much of your life like I have, you've surely wondered where you picked it up for if you managed to come our to the womb with it like a giant invisible birth mark.

-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 59

Intrigued? Me too, can't wait to see what God teaches me this week. You can have success too you know, all you have to do is just admit you can't do it alone and God will help you just like He is helping me.

Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore, stand firm and don't submit again to the yoke of slavery. Galatians- 5:1

Song of the Day: Alive Again by Matt Maher

Day 55 "Persistence"

OK. So today was a difficult day. The details aren't especially important, but let's just say my body did not want to cooperate with living a productive life. I have no idea what's going on, but most of the day I was out like a light or laid up watching my DVR Olympic Games. Hopefully tomorrow will be better or I will have to go to the doctor. But you know what? I still feel accomplished and I still feel happy. And, I can't wait to see what God is going to teach me about overcoming insecurity tomorrow.

Until then, Look at this verse with me:

Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think - according to the power that works in you - to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. - Ephesians 3:20

On days like today, verses like this are especially meaningful to me. They remind me of the power of God. We see here the progression of how able God is. We see that His ability is infinitely more than we can comprehend or imagine. I had a bad day due to sickness, but God had a good day and out there in the world He was accomplishing more than I can imagine. I'm not always going to be able to give Him my best, but I can persist and still try and do something. God wants me to remember His power today and rest in knowing that just because I don't feel like I accomplished anything significant, His power is still working in me so that I may bring glory to Him.

OH, and I have almost made it through my first week of my fast. Good thing I don't own Coke stock because it would have dropped a bit this week :O) It is taking a bit of persistence to stick this one out, but you know it really does make me consider God even more throughout my day. Realizing I am almost a week in made me think more about Easter and why I am doing the fast. I wanted a little boost in remembering why I am doing it and I remembered that my mentor could help me out on this one. So, here she is in all her glory from last Easter. This will give you a little glimpse into why it is my favorite day of the year.

Enjoy it and I'll see you tomorrow peeps.

Day 54 "Tuesdaylicous"

We all know that I love Tuesdays. That is because they are all about moving forward. As I sit here, working to get my brain in gear, I have much to look forward to today. I will finish one of my seven classes that stand between me and my degrees - this is an exhilarating feeling. Six to go....I won't deny I have felt slightly overwhelmed because I have to finish three more in the next two and a half weeks: WHEW! But, it's Tuesday and I am charged up and ready to go.

Want to know what 's on my mind about my mentor today? Well, I wonder if she plays golf? Funny right? LOL. I know it is stupid thing, but here is why I am wondering. Yesterday was a decent February day here in New England. It was 40 and warm enough to go to the driving range. The wind was blustery, but the sun was shining and it put the hunger for golf deep into my bones. (But today that hunger has led to sore muscles and bones LOL). Anyway, so I went to the range yesterday and just did an awful job at hitting, but I had a blast :O) This will be my first full season to play the game of golf. I always thought it was a stupid sport to be honest. But last summer I played, I am now completely addicted. You want to know why? It is a sport that clears your mind. While playing your mind thinks of nothing else. And when you are out on the greens, alone in some beautiful place you can be in tune with God. It's peaceful, uninterrupted time to just chill, listen, and have a good time. It's also fun to play with a friend (as long as they don't take the game to serious :O). Maybe one day I'll write on this blog about me and my mentor playing golf - LOL. Until then, I'll just recommend you trying the sport.

Well, today is not sunny - it's raining and sleeting and a great time to stay indoors and get some work done. After my quiet time this morning, I was letting my mind wonder as I waited on God to give me direction on my mentor moment today. He brought me back to something I discussed with a friend yesterday:

God surpasses our dreams when we reach past our personal plans and agendas to grab the hand of Christ and walk the path He chose for us. He is obligated to keep us dissatisfied until we come to Him and plan for complete satisfaction.

- Beth Moore, Breaking Free Workbook, 132

Hmm. This hits me straight in the heart and is the encouragement I need to be more diligent in finishing school work today. Honestly, if I were chasing my personal plans I would be neck deep in learning the art of being a pastry chef. But God's plans are different for me. He has truly shown me that I am only satisfied when I am pursuing the impossible: becoming a vocational speaker who speaks and works on His behalf. I've mentioned before how ridiculous my calling seems to me at times. I've wanted to pull a Moses and ask God if He wants to use somebody else :O) But nonetheless, though I don't see my own potential, I can say that as I've pursued learning all I can with regards to skills needed to fulfill my calling, I have experienced God blessing me in ways I never imagined.

Life isn't easy, but I can say I am happy with where God has me. Considering the fact that in this economy when being dirt poor is the standard, I feel blessed that I can say I am happy beyond words. And, we have all ready seen in the blog this year that God granted to me one dream: to be a DJ. But look how much cooler God's version of my dream is: I get to do in church and lead people to worship Him. Sweetness :O). I can't wait to see what lies ahead.

My enthusiasm makes it hard to focus today. But, the point of the lesson, "To Live Happily Ever After," was to imagine what is like to have the Cinderella story come true in your life. Look what she says here:

If our experience on the scorching pavement of earth can occasionally be extraordinary, can you imagine what heaven will be like? You see, life, at its best, for believers on this planet is only a crude shadow of a far greater reality to come. Those occasional grand moments we share with Christ when two wills converge as one are glimpses of glory. (132)

And then later....

I have discovered the difference between blessed and happy experientially as well as scripturally. A few times when I've been most aware of the fullness and favor of God. I was totally broken. certainly, blessedness and happiness don't always coincide. When they do, however, they make a terrific pair. (133)

Ah, the joys of being happy. Can you even imagine what heaven will be like? I get goosebumps just thinking about it. I am in tune with the essence of what my mentor moment is teaching me today - I can remember that happiness and joy are always a possibility. Beyond that, I can be at peace during my times of utter brokenness. Do you get that? I pray that you do. I've experienced being a weeping mess on the floor before God and being at peace and I've experienced being happy beyond words. They truly are both possible. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. He is there to bless us if we are willing to let Him.

Who knows, perhaps you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this. - Esther 4: 14B

All right, I have to get to it. Thanks for your patience today. Here is a jam that will get you revved up today :O)

Song of the Day: Give Him Glory by Trip Lee

Day 53 "Laughing out Loud"

"Submission and subservience are to me as easy as cuddling a litter of baby porcupines." - Beth Moore, Breaking Free Workbook, 150

Oh my goodness, I about fell out of my chair when I read this today. The visual picture of it sent me over the edge. I mean RIGHT OVER THE EDGE. If I could die laughing, I would have today. As I was getting ready for my mentor session and "Breaking Free with a Friend," I was working through Day 4 of Week 7 and it was all about "God's rule is right." Right out of the box my mentor admits that it is difficult to submit to authority in life sometimes - but what a way to word it. Anyway, let me break it down for you - here is what God reminded me of today through my mentor:

God did not design us to boss ourselves. Our psyches were formed to require authority for our own sakes, so we'd live in the safety of God's careful rule. Satan tries to draw us away form God's authority by making us think we can be our own producer and director. The apostle Paul addressed the impossibility of mastering our own lives and destines in Romans 6:16 (150):

Do you not know that if you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of that one you obey - either of sin leading to death or of obedience leading to righteousness?

Up until this point in the study for this week we were learning about the correlation of the potter and the clay to our lives. We have been hit in the face with our own rebellious attitudes and we have learned that God has every right to rule in our lives. But the cool thing is, we are reminded that life is better when we submit to God's authority. Look what my mentor says:

My primary motivation for pursuing the obedient life is an absolute belief that the One who has a right to rule is also the One whose rule is right. I try to obey God because with all my heart, I believe that He is always good, always right, and loves me in ways I cannot comprehend. God has proved His trustworthiness over and over again. You can't fully appreciate the emotion washing me over me as I prepare to write these next three words: I trust God. After a lifetime of trust problems, I can't even understand how such a miracle of grace has come to me, but it has. (150)

Does this resonate with you? IT DOES ME. I've been in a hot and heavy pursuit of my God for many years now. I can attest that once you get this submission thing under control - life changes and goes in a whole different direction. I, like my mentor, have had some huge struggles with trust. I STILL DO! But, I can say, I trust God with my life. I understand that submitting to Him is for my good and I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no more satisfying way to live life. I know sometimes it may seem that we can't overcome the hurt in our life that makes us want to not trust God or people, but if you work to let him heal that hurt He will redeem every area and begin to use it for His good.

Sorry, I am not preaching at you today. I was just washed afresh by this message. I forget how much of a miracle it is that God has enabled me to trust Him and to begin to understand the role of healthy submission in my life. She doesn't mention it here, but it reminds me of this verse:

Love is patient; love is kind Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things; hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Why? Because love is the reason I willingly choose to submit to God's authority in my life. God's love doesn't end. No matter if I have good days or bad, his love remains the same. Shouldn't my love remain the same for Him? I submit to his authority as an act of love. I believe Him. I find my hope in Him. I rejoice in His truth. I don't focus on the bad in my life, I look forward to the good ahead. I TRUST HIM.

I know that anyone who lives under His authority will experience a change and passion that is unsurpassable by anything else in this life. Though submitting to authority can feel like snuggling to porcupines, I believe both my mentor and I would agree that getting to a place where you can submit to God's authority is worth the time and effort.

Peace out peeps.

Don't know if I have suggested this song before, but I really like it:

Song of the Day: I Stand Amazed by Bart Millard

Day 52 "Jammin"

I had a rockin' good time at church today. I can't even begin to express how exhilarating it is being the first one at the church building early on Sunday before the hustle and bustle of Sunday festivities. I have told you guys before how much I love music. It should be pretty obvious since I regularly share good songs at the bottom of my posts. Today was especially fun for me. It started this morning with an adrenaline rush because technically I was having a few issues, but once service came round - mano! I have never heard the church peeps sing so loud - it was awesome. I suspect we had a few angels jammin' along with us this morning.

This morning we got back into Jacob's saga story - the good news is Jacob is on the move again finally working to be obedient to God (Genesis35-37). Still some drama though, he loses his favorite wife (Rachel) and his first son gets involved with some sin that makes him end up losing his birth right. But, he finally makes it home to see his dad, Isaac. He and his brother (the guy who wanted to kill him) reconcile. Isaac dies with them at peace and dies shortly after. Then all goes downhill for his brother Esau - his whole family turns against God and they go through a lot of turmoil. I would like to say an upswing finally came in the story, but no. We got back to Jacob and we see the story of his favorite son developing, Joseph. Here we see the damage jealousy can do in a family and through Jacob's brothers we see the development of the enemy's tactics, "to steal, kill, and destroy." Clearly, it was a lot to go through this morning, but the encouragement was to recognize that the Evil One desires us to get caught up in lies. We need to do our best to recognize and avoid his influence on our life. When we fall for it, bad things happen. But guess what? Good news is on the horizon! We will see that even when Evil is done to us or around us - OUR GOD can use it for good. Amen? Kind of sounds like and episode from Lost but it's fun. OK, check the story out if you have the time, I guarantee you won't get bored.

So who get's my shout out this week? Lysa Terkeurst. I've heard her speak probably about five times because she often tours with a conference that I had the opportunity to regularly attend while I was at school, Ewomen. The conference is based out of Lynchburg, VA where I went to school, Liberty University. But that isn't the focus today, Lysa is. I respect her poise and speaking style. She is professional and passionate and never fails to represent herself in a composed and sincere way. And, she even made it onto Oprah where she was able to talk about what God was doing in her life and the life of her friends. I think God might be directing her steps what do you think? I'm all about it and she is in top ten of people I want to learn from in life. God has answered this prayer and I am going to a special conference she and her team will be putting on at the end of July this year, She Speaks. I'm going for broke on this one. I'm intimidated by it, but I know it is a step God wants me to take. So I am willingly giving God the last of my resources to submit to His plan for me. I believe it will be worth it and encourage any of you to considering a life of full time ministry to consider it. I can't see how my spirit is going to walk out empty on this one.

Well, I've gone a bit long on my Sunday post this week. I hope my mentor had as much fun at church today as I did. Back to learning from her tomorrow :O)

Song of the Day: Have a Little Talk with Jesus by Bart Millard

Day 51 "Old School"

As I study today, I am in the depths of Breaking Free. My mentor moment that I will share with you today is brief, but here it is:

God doesn't minimize the thing that break our hearts. He is not looking down on us thinking how petty we are because some things hurt us so. If we're so "heavenly minded" that we grow out of touch with earthly hardships, somewhere we've missed an important priority of Christ. God left our bare feet on the hot pavement of earth so we could grow through our hurts, not ignore them and refuse to feel our way through them.

-Beth Moore, Breaking Free Workbook, 99

Let that sink in a minute. God totally gets us. He is there to help us. He wants us to grow. And for today, I'll leave out my interpretation so you can have your on imaginary mentor moment :O)

Before I go, I wanted to show you this old school video about Breaking Free. I talk about it all the time. I am studying it for my thesis. So, I thought it would benefit you to see a glimpse into what I am learning. The video is not the best quality. And, it is of the old version - but that is the one I am studying so it totally fits here on this blog :O) Enjoy a look at my mentor over 10 years ago as God was at the beginning of blessing her proverbial socks off.

The message in these videos is great. And, this version is even still on the market. If you have the time - I really recommend it. It will change your life.

Bye my peeps.

Day 50 "Transitioning to Security"

Well, before I get into my insecurity reflections for this week. Let me talk about my whole Ash Wednesday situation. I am getting some mixed responses on this. I need to research the holiday a little more I guess. Either way, for the next 40 days I am fasting to prepare for Easter, my favorite time of year. The fast starts today and ends March 30th - two days before my birthday and a few days before Easter. I like realizing that God is also preparing me for the last year of my twenties - sniffle. But, hey, I still am striving to make this the best year ever - so hopefully I will go out with a bang :O) Oh, and I am giving up drinking soda. Maybe not a big deal for you, but Coke is my coffee - I have it every morning for breakfast. I was in turmoil over it all evening last night - I really did not want that to be the thing to give up. I MEAN REALLY. But, as much as it pains me - no Coke for me today. Pray that I don't give up - the temptation is huge. However, my desire for God to change me is bigger and I believe that will give me endurance.

OK - now it's time to reflect on my journey toward conquering insecurity:

That, beloved, is our challenge. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.

- Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, pg 43

Seems a little impossible doesn't it? Yet, I'm willing to let God work in my life in a new way. What encourages me is the fact that I know that out there in the world, I am not the only one trying to be less insecure. As my mentor guides me and my fellow siesta's through this journey, I have a little more faith that security is possible.

Also, God is encouraging me during this time of transitioning to a new phase of life. Look what I was reading last night,

Consider your calling: not many are wise from a human perspective, not many powerful, not many of noble birth. Instead, God has chosen the world's foolish things to shame the wise, and God has chosen the world's weak things to shame the strong. God has chosen the world's insignificant and despised things - the things view as nothing - so He might bring to nothing the things that are viewed as something, so that no one can boast in His presence. But from Him you are in Christ Jesus, who for us became wisdom from God, as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, in order that, as it is written: The one who boasts must boast in the Lord.

- 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

The deep down truth is that God is attracted to weakness in our natural self because there is more room to display His strength. I qualify as weak. I have my concerns that I am too insignificant to accomplish anything for God, but the fact of the matter is - all I have to do is boast in the Lord for that He enables me to accomplish. I don't have to be a superhero, I just have to be obedient and submissive to His will for each day. Then, before I know it, I'll be places I never dreamed I would be. I know I am scared like Moses of my calling. But, I have the inner drive of Paul to keep working to embrace the strength, boldness and courage that God provides.

Well, I had more to say about it all - but it just got deleted by a technical glitch. So, I will submit to it not needing to be added today. Anyway, I'm feeling encouraged LOL - I hope you are :O)

Peace out peeps.

Day 49 "Making a Change"

I have a lot on my mind today. First, I was blessed to spend the day with my mom. We had a good time visiting and hanging out. Second, for some reason, I've been thinking about Ash Wednesday, which was yesterday. And third, it is Thursday which means I get to continue my journey working toward being secure with my fellow siesta's and mentor.

So, before I reflect on my mentor moment. Let me tell you about this Ash Wednesday situation. I was catching up on a young adult blog. And, I came across an article telling me about Lenton season. I am not foreign to Lent season. I know about it, but I have not thought about the significance of it in quiet sometime. This article really challenged my soul and I have decided to participate. Now, I am two days behind on what is a forty day journey - so I am going to start counting tomorrow and just go two days past the original end date because I can still get done in time for Easter. Anyway, the point of Lent is to remember our human desires and our need for God. We suffer to remember Jesus' suffering in the days that led to His death on the cross. The process helps us to grow in our freedom as we say "no" to a desire in our life and say "yes" to God. It is a season of brokenness to lead us into a season of joy and into wholeness and restoration. This charges my soul up for many reasons.

First, there is no day of the year that compares to Easter. Since my salvation, it has been my favorite day of the year. I've always been filled with complete joy during this season and I don't really get why everyone doesn't consider this like the best day EVER. Coincidently, my birthday is also during this time of year and my favorite season is Spring. I am a spring baby and every part of me loves the newness of life that awakens all around. I could ramble on forever, but what you need to know is I LOVE EASTER. I just love it. So, I can't think of anything cooler than a way to my favorite day even better. I have never considered fasting to prepare for it. Yep, this will be cool - CRAZY HARD - but cool. OK. So, I will pray the rest of the day and decide what I am going to give up. But, I am really going to do it - here is the proof in the pudding I just put on my fridge:

Also, I've decided to stop making excuses and get back to Scripture memory. Yep, yesterday's mentoring moment sparked a fire of change in my soul. So, to help with my fast, and to start memorizing. I am starting with 1 Corinthians 6:12-13:

"Everything is permissible for me", but not everything is helpful. "Everything is permissible for me," but I will not be brought under control of anything.

This is just a reminder that in reality I am allowed to permit myself that which is before me. But, I can choose to recognize that it is not all helpful or beneficial to my life. This verse is a reminder that I can willingly choose to give up something for God. Not because I am being legalistic and creating rules for myself to become holy. But rather so that I can give up something I love to show God my willingness to go out of my way to love Him. I'm jazzed up and I can't wait to see what God teaches me during this time.

Well, I am going to reflect more on my So Long Insecurity insights tomorrow. But here is something that stands out to me in what I have learned thus far today:

You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us. Change will not come easy. Old habits die hard. But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems.

- Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity, pg 35

As I work toward become more secure, I must realize that this change is not going to come easy. Just as I am working to change my mind and habits for this Lent Fast, I have to willingly change my thought patterns so that I can become secure and realize who I am in God and Christ. I am ready to kill a few bad habits. I am willingly to make the radical decision to change. I like this encouragement my mentor offers me today, it is just what I need to jump start the desire in me to change my whole life.

Be encouraged peeps. Peace out.

Song of the Day: Perfect People by Natalie Grant

Day 48 "Insight #1: The Journey"

Last night, while praying and blow drying my hair (what can I say, God is apart of my life - all the time :O) God gave me some insight on my blog project. The question of, "Why Beth Moore?" is on my mind pretty regularly. I think about it at least once a day. I just don't get why God would have me pour a good portion of my life into understanding a stranger - some one I may never even get to meet. I know I could meet her if I wanted - she isn't completely unaccessible or anything - but I am not one to seek out people. I like to just live life everyday in obedience and be surprised by the people God brings in along the way. Anyone of note that I have ever met, I have met just that way: I'm just walking along and then BOOM - God just drops a person in on me to give me some insight. And then later I realize I was just hanging out with someone really cool. Let me side-track a second....

There have only been three times these encounters did not go smoothly. Once, while working an event I met Mandisa. I was like crazy busy during this event - working behind the scenes as a volunteer. That day I was what I call the "fill in the blank" person, which means whatever needed to be done that didn't have a person to do it - I did it. I had said at the onset that the only thing I wanted to do was to take a break during Mandisa because I wanted to hear her sing live and in person. I discovered her music right about the same time I discovered Beth Moore and God was using it to edify my life. Her music connected with my soul and the Spirit inside me just recognized a pureness of heart in Mandisa. I am not one to be a "fan," generally I just love people and any opportunity to get to know more of them, but Mandisa changed that. She is the first and only music artist that I made an effort to see in person - it was the main reason I volunteered to work at this conference. I wouldn't have been able to afford to see her on my own, but I knew working for it would ultimately be worth it. Anyway, so to the meeting....

You see, I had back stage access because as the ultimate "fill in the blank" I needed to be able to go anywhere. Well, there was a moment I was running down the hall and all of sudden I just stopped. I wasn't even aware of why and then BOOM there was Mandisa standing right in front of me. I was so caught off guard I couldn't even speak. It is rare that I can't fake composure even if I am really excited - no chance here I had no time to prepare. As I tried to tell her how God had used her in my life- it came out BLA BLA BLA I think you are awesome. She gracefully smiled, hugged me and walked away. As it settled, I just felt like an idiot. I get flustered just thinking about how I lost my cool in that moment. I lost my chance just to treat her like the friend and sister and Christ she is to me.

You see, I just don't get worked up over people and some how that day I became like one of those crazies yelling for the Jonas Brothers. I didn't yell or say anything inappropriate - the adrenaline just made me miss the moment. It is still my prayer that one day God will allow me to redeem myself and talk to her like a normal person. I know we could be BFF :O)

What's the point of the story? I am able to understand why it is that I respect Mandisa. I understand that I got so worked up because I had so much to say and it just came out jumbled. She is still my favorite recording artist and I am committed to keeping her at the top of my list in the music department (if you know how obsessed I am with music than you would know this is a big deal). She is at the top because I relate to her story, I respect the way she lives her life, and her music speaks right to my heart and keeps me charged up to serve God everyday. And, it didn't take me a year to figure this out! So why Beth Moore? Why a year? - Sigh. The same three things are true for her, yet still my Spirit won't rest on that - it keeps driving me forward telling me to learn more - I just don't get it.

WELL FINALLY, God has given me a glimmer of insight - NOT COMPLETE INSIGHT, but at least a glimmer: it's about understanding her journey. I sense God telling me it isn't the only reason, but at least it is a starting point. Right now, as I am trying to finish up two Master's degrees before May I feel like I don't have as much time to dedicate to learning her journey. I feel I all ready know to much about her as it is LOL. I am investing at least an hour a day somehow working to discern or hear the "mentor moment" God has for me. I just pray, ask God to lead me where to go, and then I just listen or read whatever He directs me too. But, one thing God showed me to do tonight is to read her books - in order - as she wrote them and released them. Hmm...that makes understanding the journey a bit more clear.

Whew. Right now that means 13 books if you don't include bible studies and devotionals. So it is a starting point - some focus. I don't know when I will start this. It would be easier if I could just call her up and let her tell me this over the phone :O) Maybe in the mean time I will just pray she calls me LOL. Until then, I'll just keep being obedient to this project and trust that upon completion it will all make a little more sense to me. I'll keep you updated on the progress.

OK. So to share quickly my mentor moment from today. MEMORIZE SCRIPTURE. She hits me in the face with this one pretty regularly. I love the Word, but lately I fail at memorizing it b/c I am trying to memorize church history or leadership skills or communication skills. But, I am just making useless excuses. The war is in the mind and I don't want to lose. So, I guess I will be obedient to God and get on that one too.

Peace out peeps - school work calls me.

The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart.

- Hebrews 4:12

Song of the Day: How Much by Mandisa

Day 47 "Productive"

I ought to deem Tuesday's as my most productive day of the week. I really like Tuesday's for some reason - every thing always seems to go well for me. Today, I cleaned my house top to bottom, shoveled snow, and now I am working to get caught up on some school work. All I have done today is work, yet my heart is just so happy! I feel so blessed that God allows me to enjoy the little things in life. I just want to do my best to take care of the things He has blessed me with and knowing on days like today I have honored Him with my work just makes my heart feel full.

Hmm. My mentor seems to be avoiding me today LOL. I am just not quiet sure what God would have me learn from her. I think the situation is this: I wish today that I was actually learning from her directly. I would feel honored beyond belief if I could be her apprentice. I know I am not the only one in the free world who wishes to be her BFF, but I just want my heart to be pushed further toward God. I want to be taught how to exceed my current level of faith and service beyond my wildest imagination. I want to learn how to serve God more completely. I want to be mentored the way it talks about in Titus 2. Beth's just a woman. I don't need her in my life to accomplish that which God has from me, but it should be great to have some additional guidance that could help me avoid a few pitfalls along the way you know? She has had more than 20 years of experience in life that I haven't had. Alas, I am fading into a dream world right now. But, for now, I'm just thankful to have this mentor via books, videos and blogs. Maybe if I am faithful with this project, God will bless me with a real life mentor.

Anyway, tonight she leads Bible Study in Houston with all my fellow Texans. I wish I could be there. The group will be learning about David. I love David. He is one of my favorite Bible characters. So, this yearning has pushed me toward one of her books: A Heart Like His. This is the book version of the Bible study they are doing, so it seems fitting to learn from it today.

What I love so much about David is the fact that his heart was completely in love with God. Mine too. God is the only thing that make life worth living. I know to somebody in blog world it may seem silly that I can be in love with something invisible, but you know what? Being in love with God is so satisfying. Look here as Beth talks about David's love relationship with God:

The One who delivered David from his enemies was no distant deity. He was the object of the psalmist's deepest emotions, the One with whom he shared authentic relationship. David deeply loved God. David was a man after God's own heart because his desire was also the sheer pleasure of the Father. The Father's deepest desire is to be loved - genuinely loved - by His child.

If Samuel 22 and Psalm 18 compel us to see one thing, it is that God is a personal God we each can call our own:

• He is my strength when I am weak
• He is my rock when I am slipping
• He is my deliverer when I am trapped
• He is my fortress when I am crumbling
• He is my refuge when I am pursued
• He is my shield when I am exposed
• He is my Lord when life spins out of control

A heart that makes Him its own - one that can state, "He is mine" - is a heart that cannot help but love. I love you, Lord.

-Beth Moore, pg 243

:O) You see? This is why even on my worst days my heart is so full of love. This is why my heart can feel so full when I am just doing housework. This is why I can love something invisible. I have only two desires I pursue fully in life: to be a woman after God's on heart and to one day hear from my God and my Father, "well done, good and faithful servant." If I accomplish those two things I will be so happy. Having a relationship with God is real work, but it is the best work I do day to day. Do you feel this way? If not, my prayer for you is that someday you can know the love relationship with God that is this full and complete - I promise you it is worth it.

What no eye has seen and no ear has heard, and what has never come into a man's heart, is what God has prepared for those who love Him. 1 Corinthians 2:9

Song of the Day: Love Lifted Me by Randy Travis

Peace out my peeps.

Day 46 "Fully Loved"

OH, God has given me so many opportunities to feel and show love today. Coming off of Valentines Day weekend is such a wonderful feeling. My love tank was surely filled to the brim.

Today I got to spend time with two people I call my "mini-BFF's." They are two sisters seven and eleven. They both recently had birthday's and today was my day to spend with them and celebrate. We had such a blast together. Eating, hanging out, and most of all laughing. There is something so special about kids laughter - it warms the deepest parts of the soul doesn't it? Whew, I am so blessed. This evening, their mom and brothers joined in on the party and the day seemed complete. Now, my house is truly suffering and will need some love tomorrow - but out times together were so joyful I can hardly complain.

I wasn't quiet feeling the best today, but a heart full of love is a complete cure for anything. I even got to see my parents today.

My mentor moment came easily. God reminded me of a chapter in Feathers From My Nest. As I went back to the book, I was reminded of "magic moments." Beth is speaking as a mother looking to have magic moments with her children and encouraging others to do the same. The inspiration to me right now is to practice having magic moments. That way when God blesses me with little ones of my own to have fun with, I will be ready to create an atmosphere where my children can feel truly loved and appreciated for who they are. How do you create magic moments? Engage them. Here is the quote that stands out to me:

Consider making the goal engagement. Engage in their lives, in their interests. Talk to them. And listen. Oh, what they teach us - not only about life in general but often about life at their particular address.

-Beth Moore, pg 13

Sigh. SO TRUE. God has taught me so much by engaging with my mini-BFF's. He has taught me a new level of patience, a new way to laugh, and a new way to love. As I think on this mentor moment, I am challenged to go deeper and truly engage with them. :O)

Well, it feels good to know I am fully loved today on every level. I pray that your heart is happy and blessed. My heart is reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 - read it if you have the time. Here's the part I like best:

Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a recored of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. - 1 Corinthians 12:4-8a.

Bye peeps.

Song of the day: Indescribable by Chris Tomlin

Day 45 "Happy Valentines Day"

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

I am going to enjoy my Sabbath rest today and enjoy my Valentine Jesus LOL. And, maybe make some heart cupcakes to show some love to a few people :O) I just wanted to wish the blog world a good day before I get to wrapped up in love to forget about you :0)

Peace out Peeps

Day 44 "Lovey Dovey"

Hmm. Love is on the brain today. So much in fact that I spent the whole day studying it. I took a workshop today on Dr. Gary Chapman's Love Languages. If you haven't heard of him before, well he is the man who came up with the idea that everyone feels and gives love in one of five different ways. His books and workshops help you to identify your love language so that you can effectively be loved and love in your marriages, families and relationships. If this is too "all over the map" of an explanation - just click the link they will do a better job. My brain is fried after a 8 hour workshop :O)

So, tomorrow is Valentines day. I wish I could say I am excited about it, but I am not. It is so weird, I usually am pretty excited about it. I am not upset or down about it, but this year the day just doesn't hold any real significance for me because I don't have anyone I can be all lovey dovey towards. I guess you could say that this year I am just kind of indifferent toward the holiday or maybe I am just tired and don't feel like shopping LOL. The main reason is because I am not going to be around friends and family. But you know? Love is still on my mind. Not the relationship kind of love, just love in general.

Maybe that is why I am not overly interested in spending my money on cards and all manner of other pink and red things. Even on years I am alone on VDay - I usually find ways to express my love, but this year it really is just me and Jesus and I don't think He cares if I make him a pink cupcake with a red heart LOL. I'll think about it tonight and decide tomorrow :O) - when I am not tired I'll probably do it anyway :O)

Today, I look at my mentor from a distance. One of the things I respect about her is how fully she loves. She fully loves her husband. She fully loves her daughters. She fully loves God. And, she loves those she ministers too. All with the genuine kind of love. Her personality type suits this kind of all out love (I should know - I have been diagnosed the same). But, her happy attitude does not negate the fact that she displays a loving attitude. If we can exude love just by living life...that is a talent worth being respected. It's a good reminder how I should live.

Just like I learned today - love is choice. In many cases we have to choose to love. God chooses to love us after all. We don't deserve it, yet He gives it. John 3:16 shows the extent to which this is true:

16 "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

Good stuff. This is the kind of love I want to think about tomorrow. I want to be grateful and thankful for the love I don't deserve, but the love I am blessed with. I want Jesus to be my Valentine. Not in a weird hokey way - just to do something different you know? Does that make since? If it doesn't - sorry LOL - I am doing my best tonight. Not every post can be a good one ahaha. OK. I'll spare you more ramblings.

To you guys, my imaginary valentines out there in blog world. HAPPY VALENTINES TO YOU. I pray you have a blessed day!

tootaloo peeps.

Day 43 "Oh, I get it."

So, today has gotten off to a pretty good start. Yet, I will admit that I am having a hard time getting going and productive. I knew I was just in need of some serious quiet time with my Jesus today, but I could tell something was off and that I was in need of a special revelation. My mind is racing because I did the first part of my insecurity study last night with my mentor and the rest of the blog community. Reading all the posts stuck out to me. The main reason? They were all so depressing. So many hurting women and I was surprised that by reading all the posts my heart was burdened for the heartache that screams from some of the posts.

Personally, this study brings me pleasure. God long ago dealt with me about insecurity inhibiting my life. I am still able to move forward and live. I am still able to be happy and joyful. But what hit me, I still have a long way to go. Now that the first couple of chapters of So Long Insecurity have started to sink in, God is helping me to see a destructive pattern that is contributing to my insecurity. He showed me that every time I have spiritual high's or times of enjoying His direct presence (like the last couple of days) - I self-destruct. It is like I deliberately do something to rob myself from His blessings. Until today, I didn't realize that was insecurity.

Here is a few things that stood out to me in So Long Insecurity, Chapter 2:

• Insecurity keeps us from operating at our maximum potential
• Insecurity represents the unhealthy parts in us
• Insecurity leads to unrealistic expectations about love and relationships
• Insecurity creates a situation where being hurt and disappointed is almost inevitable
• You are being insecure when it bothers you to the extreme when people are upset at you (even if they are the ones who are wrong)
• Insecurity is often self-sabotage

I really believe God will allow me to overcome being insecure. What God has shown me today is that though I didn't realize it - I am insecure in my relationship with Him. I know He loves me. I know He forgives me. I know He cares for me and desires the best for me. But, through my own self-sabotage - I am inadvertently keeping myself from maximum potential. I blatantly fall and wake up like I did today: bruised and battered and a in a little fog.

God is showing me the unhealthy parts of my soul don't just interfere with my human relationships. They interfere with He and I - they keep me from the full relationship we could have. And, because I have some apparent unrealistic expectations about our relationship, I am setting myself up for failure. I am trying to be too perfect for God and the pressure makes me want to deliberately fail. Then I expect God to be disappointed and convince myself that I am unworthy of His relationship. Then BOOM. I have doubts, fears, and insecurities about our relationship. It is so strange to realize this. Even though my heart wants to be my best for God, I am sabotaging my efforts - WOAH.

And, on the days when the part of my insecurity sets in that is worried about when people are upset with me - I perceive God is upset with me - Then, I get insecure about that LOL. Hmm. What a revelation today. I need to take a minute to let it soak in.

Right now, my prayer is Psalm 143. It says in part:

Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails. Don't hide your face from me or I will be like those going down in the Pit. Let me experience your faithful love in the morning, for I trust You. Reveal to me the way I should go, because I long for You. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I come to You for protection. Teach me to do You will for You are my God. May Your gracious Spirit lead me on level ground.

I look to God for help and I know He will readily give it to me. I'm thankful for this insight and I am ready to truly be healed. I'm ready for His Living Water to consume me.

Song of the day: These are the Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets

Day 42 "Beautiful"

The benefits of our covenant relationship are internal and spiritual in nature, but those who are free to believe in God, glorify God, find satisfaction in God, experienc God's peace, and enjoy God's presence display a noticeable difference in their lives.

- Beth Moore, Breaking Free (Workbook), 124

I love that God sees fit to deal with my heart about relationships this week. Three days before Valentines Day can often be a tumultuous season for a single lady. God has given me contentment, but I won't deny I eagerly await all that He has for me in my future husband. I want the descriptions found in the Song of Songs and then some :O). (Check that Scripture out if you never have- the descriptions of love there will inspire the romantic in anyone.)

This first quote comes from my studies in Breaking Free, week six. This week I am learning how God brings beauty from the ashes. Particularly I see that as I learn to freely enjoy the aforementioned benefits of God, I will inadvertently display a noticeable difference in my day to day life. Embracing the fact that God deems me beautiful is a little overwhelming. But as Beth shows me all the Scriptures declaring the truth in this, I can hardly deny that hearing how wonderful God believes me to be is so refreshing.

Ironically, my readings today also deal with insecurities. This is interesting because I also start my online blog study about insecurity today. Before jumping to that, let me focus on this other sentiment that hit me. As she addressed insecurity, she had us take a look at who we are on the inside. We may overcome our outward distractions to mankind, but internally do we not still feel like the ugly girl we thought we use to be? Look what she says:

I may look different, but I know who's inside! Without Christ every woman has intense insecurities. Unless we find our identity in Christ, Christian women are just as prone to insecurities about their appearances as unbelievers.

- Breaking Free(Workbook), 124

Boom. There it is. We are insecure without Christ. So true. But, I will freely admit that even though I can say I am secure in Christ, I can't freely admit that I am secure in the culture that I live in. There is always something to bring me down. If it isn't my looks it's that I am a Christian in a non-Christian culture. The list, as I am sure it is for you, could easily go on. But the cool thing is, God is willing to help me overcome.

These words prepared me for my other journey with my mentor. Interesting how 11 years later she is addressing this issue in a more direct way. Today, she begins facilitating a journey into the So Long, Insecurity book. Beth introduced the goal of the study on the blog today:

So, what's our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I'll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances loose their weight and real changes takes their place. We aren't just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We're looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

I am up for a change. My efforts right now with this blog project ought to be evidence of that. I believe in the power of God - He has proved Himself over and over to me. Even today, He spurred me on into a four hour quiet time that I do not want to end. Alas, I must move forward toward my responsibilities. I didn't get snowed in today, but my heart is feeling a double portion of love from God. Let's commit to believe in His power to help us over come today. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr. I want to be able to say: "Free at last. Free at last. Thank God almighty I am free at last."

Let's do it shall we? Peace out peeps.

Song of the Day: Something Beautiful by Needtobreathe

Day 41 "Snowed In"

Today seems a little different. Having a bit of a relapse with my cold. The good news? I had the best chicken and dumplins I have ever had in my life. (A southern soup basically made of home made chicken broth, chicken, and biscuits with a whole bunch of other creamy goodness added). And now, after all those dumplins (spelled this way on purpose :O) and all the vitamin C I can intake through about five different juices - I am feeling much better. It was really a great day to be sick because I was snowed in today! And, I had no where to go. It was beautiful outside. Check this view out my window:

Ha ha! Didn't expect that? Well, it truly happened! There is a stop sign you can't see in this picture and this poor fellow just slid right on past it. Lucky for Him it was a slow slide and neither he, the building or his car had any real damage - but I feel sure He was quite in shock!

God has blessed me so much today. Mostly, my heart is feeling entirely appreciative. I am thankful for the day off. I am thankful for how clean and pure the falling snow makes all the land around my house look. I am thankful for being warm and full. I am thankful for the wonderful nap I had today. I am thankful for my comfy PJ's. I'm thankful I could relax and watch some TV. I am just beaming with gratitude that God has seen fit to bless me so immensely.

However, I admit that today when I woke up I was a little weary and not up for "fighting the good fight." But, I really couldn't make the choice to continue on thinking this way because God had me working for Him bright and early. It started with a phone call from a friend who was having an even harder time fighting the fight than I was! I could hardly believe God called me to work for Him as even as I was feeling weak myself. Yet, He was with me, gave me the words to say to my friend. He encouraged her through me and encouraged me as I felt His presence with me. I feel special that God saw fit to bless my friend and I with encouragement today!

Thinking on my mentor, I go back to Breaking Free. Thumbing through the pages here is what God reminded me of through her today:

Sometimes I get tired of fighting the good fight, don't you? How can we muster the energy to hang in there and keep fighting to our liberty?....Beloved, if we want to keep a renewed strength to face our daily challenges or regain a strength that has faded, God's Word tells us to draw so close to the presence of God we're practically twisted to Him!

-Beth Moore, Breaking Free (Workbook), 218

Yep. That is what I need to do. I need to remember that when I am feeling weak, I need to get myself more fully consumed with HIM. God makes me so happy - even when life is not always going to best. He wrapped me up in His warm and loving arms today as I sat here, snowed in, and all alone. It is awesome. If I am lucky, I'll be snowed in again tomorrow :O)

Peace out peeps.

Song of the Day: It's Your Life by Francesca Battistelli