Life with God at the helm is so interesting. I can't say it's easy, I can say it's more than I can imagine. For instance, on Sunday, I almost got killed by a golf ball. I know that sounds like a joke, but I am dead serious. The whole experience has me disjointed, kind of in a state shock and a whole new level of feeling alive. I can't help but laugh at the way God chose to get my attention this weekend. But I think it is cool that I can testify to the fact that freak accidents absolutely do happen.
As you know, Sunday's are my favorite day of the week, I rarely have a bad one. I am blessed with the opportunity to lead a group of people in worship. I get the Word taught to me in a way that it resonates to the core of my soul and leaves me changed. This past Sunday, God added to this by allowing me to be hit in the face with His presence as I stood in awe outside my church taking in the first full views of the crisp fall colors of New England. I could not help but to be blown away by the beauty of it. After church, a good meal and a rest, I was blessed further by being able to play golf with my dad. The weather was perfect. Gorgeous to behold and impossible to deny that the beauty I beheld was other worldly and straight from the genius mind of God. My dad and I had a great time taking it in.
As I prepared to tee off on the last hole, I stood off to the side and did a little stretching. I was thinking of all I've been through this year, once again saying a little prayer to God - thanking Him for the day - lifting up my future. THEN - BAMMM. I was hit straight on by a teed golf ball that was easily going a 100 miles an hour or more (if you know my dad you can understand the reality of that). I thought I had been shot - if I didn't know better it would have been an accurate way to describe the sensation. It was immediate pain and took my breath away instantly. It hit me with such force that it knocked me over and guys more than 200 yards away heard it and came running to check on me. Well, the good news is - it was an inch from breaking my ribs, it missed my head and my leg. I was blessed that it hit me squarely on the hip. I couldn't really walk or do anything the rest of the day - I had to take off work yesterday - but I am happy to report that I now have manageable pain and a bruise that could win any contest for a "look how tough I am" award LOL. Plus, the rest of the night I was able to chill (well as best as I could) and hang out with my mom - we had a great time and I glad the door opened up that opportunity.
What's the point of the story? Well, the joy in it for me was that through it all - I had no negative reactions. Besides the obvious crying my mascara off in the moment - not once did I have a "why me" or "I hate this" or anything. This struck me because I am finding that the more God works in my life - the more I am honestly trusting Him in every situation. A lot of things have gone down in my life this year, plenty of reasons to go off the deep end & become bitter. But with each thing that knocks me down, I find I am getting better and better at getting back up. And this HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME but everything to do with God working inside me. I can't help but rejoice in that. I can't help but be grateful that He spared my life Sunday. I feel silly even thinking that, but the reality is that it is true - it made me recognize how precious life is. I can't help but to recognize that I am growing more and more content with who I am in God - despite that fact that nothing in my life makes a bit of sense.
There is still so much I don't get. So much I don't understand. But last night in another intimate time of prayer with God - it was a crazy thing to thank Him for sparing my life. I can't explain how that felt - the personal outpouring between He and I. But I can't say I've ever had a prayer time like this. God has taught me a whole new level of prayer this year - being desperate does that I guess. But, God has used it to go deeper into the recesses of my soul. The outpouring I felt from my soul last night was nothing short of a flood of emotion at God's feet. I can hardly believe the ability of God to just continue to invade me on a deeper and deeper level. Seriously, like words can't even describe it.
Reflecting on this today has taken me in some interesting directions. One is, I think if God has taught me anything this year - it is that forgiveness doesn't mean healing. I can honestly say I am not a bitter person. You can slap my mama and I'll probably be ready to be your bestie again tomorrow. I don't have space in my head for grudges. And when God brings up pain in my life - even pain I didn't know about I am usually pretty prepared to just go ahead and let God deal with me on it. But the other insight has everything to do with my appointed mentor.
A few weeks ago as I took her in live and in person at LPL Boston, I realized God uses her to bestow treasures to me in life. For whatever reason, the spirit in me is seriously responsive to her. As this year continues, I given up trying to fight that or figure it out - I'm just trying to go with the flow I guess. But, I do know that through Beth, God has taught me new levels of soul freedom. I resonate with her on many levels - I get what she says - I get how she thinks - I recognize that God has allowed her for this season to be a spiritual mentor in the faith. Because of His work in me, I am able to respond to the work He is doing in her life. Because of His work in me, He allows me not only to hear the Words He has for me through her but He has also given me the gift to be able to discern those messages. Who am I to question God and how He chooses to work in my life?
You know, I was less than an arm length away from her a couple of weeks ago - literally right behind her. It was strange to be that close and not even say hello. I could have, but some how the timing just didn't feel right. Why? I couldn't tell you if I tried. All I know is that I didn't plan it, I chose my seat randomly and as the day went on it just happened out that way. God is funny. Sometimes I think He finds joy in just messing with us and showing us He is working even when we don't know it. I'm not too stupid to avoid His voice when He tells me not to do something (at least most of the time :O) ), which is why I didn't speak to her. And, I don't know if I will ever meet her, whether I do or not is up to God. But really, it doesn't matter. If it happens, I'll be blessed. If it doesn't we have all of eternity to catch up. My life has still been forever changed by her willingness to pursue God relentlessly. All I can hope is that by obeying God's directive to learn from her, I will become the women God intends me to be.
Life is tricky. We can get killed by golfballs or changed forever by complete strangers. I'm blown away by how deep we can go with giving ourself to God. It's hard to explain but that doesn't mean I am giving up. So heads up. You never know when God my change your world by allowing a golfball to hit you with the force of a bullet :O).
One last tid bit from my reading today:
"If you quit listening, dear child, and strike off on your own, you'll soon be out of your depth"
Proverbs 19: 27
I am still listening. I hope you will too. I don't know when I'll write again peeps, but I pray you are richly blessed.
Adios
