God still has a vision for you. No matter where you've been, God's full intent is for you to live effectively (see John 15:8) and abundantly (see John 10:10). He loves you dearly, and the fact that you've been foolish doesn't diminish His love one single ounce. Talk to God. Echo the words of the psalmist when he cried:
If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Your loving kindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul. - Psalm 94:19-19 NASB
-Beth Moore, Looking Up, When Life is Looking Down, pg 36
Forgive me if my post is to "out there" today - I am in a deep thinking mode.
Today, I was really going to write about spontaneous worship. I had a glorious time of prayer and worship last night. But, I have to admit - my heart would not be truly reflected for today if I focused on my night last night. You see, my mind has just been in a fog today. I don't know if I am fighting off sickness or what - but I have just not been myself.
I've done what I can to make the most of my time, I could have done better. I worked briefly on some school work. Picked up the house. Made dinner. Laundry. All the homemaker duties. But, I've been dragging nonetheless. It was really a good day too - outside some of the most beautiful snow was falling. My house was peaceful, quite, and warm. I felt truly blessed today. I even had a really good nap. But still, something is amiss inside my soul.
As I looked for inspiration from my mentor, I came across this book. I'm really not feeling "down" per se, but nonetheless - I was drawn to the book. Basically, I just opened right up to this part and God spoke to me. He showed me that I am anxious today. Boo.
I know it seems weird, but I am not good at recognizing when I am anxious. My type A get it done personality usually always helps me to push past anxiousness. So if my spirit is feeling down, it usually takes me a minute to pick up on it. Maybe that is why God had me sit still a lot today - to just listen to Him. Even though my spirit had such a joyous time with Him last night, He showed me two things that creeped upon me this day: I am worried for some of my family members regarding their financial situation and I am worried that I am not going to get everything done that I need to before Monday.
Nothing really monumental right? But you know, it is to me because this unaddressed worry today kept me from the peace I could have enjoyed. I enjoyed God's presence today, but I did not enjoy His peace. Weird right? I mean, I know the economy issues right now are brutal - I have no idea how these particular family members are going to overcome their current situation. And, I am scared that there is no way I am going to make it through all the "to-do's" on my calendar, but you know this verse & message remind me that God is there to console me no matter my issue. I can know that God can use me no matter what. I don't just have to believe God is in control and is at work, I can truly let this belief and truth invade me and give me a more complete peace.
That's my goal for this year really. I don't just want to be "at peace." I would say I live free and in peace most of the time. But, I believe there is another level out there to be experienced. I know this because there have been some times where God's peace so washed over my mind, soul, and body that I almost felt as if I could accomplish anything. It's different than just the everyday peace that passes all understanding, it's deeper, more consuming. For me, it usually this happens right before I'm taking a huge step of faith to do something for God. I wonder, is it possible to have this everyday? If I could some how over come my mind and live in "step of faith" mentality for every task I do - would I be able to sense a deeper peace?
If life with God is really a wild ride - then it should be possible even in the ordinary of every day. I don't have the answer yet to my questions, but I believe God will reveal them to me in His time. For now, my heart is tuned to Him. I am ready and willing to do whatever He asks of me. I am ready to experience God on a new level. I trust God and I hope you will too no matter what you are going through today.
Song of the Day: Let the Waters Rise - Mikeschair
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