Well, I have had a couple of inquiries wondering why I haven't been blogging. I suppose of late the old school method of just having a personal journal has really appealed to the introvert side of my personality. I have split personality of sorts - I'm extroverted when God calls me to it, but there are times when I am shy and invisible. Which part of that you believe would completely depend on the environment and the context of when and where you would meet me. Additionally, I feel like God keeps making this journey more and more personal, which makes it harder to be vulnerable. Nonetheless, I am eternally optimistic and in a given moment I could update this blog for all the days missing - whether or not I do - well, it will give my blog some since of mystery to keep that a secret LOL.
For now, let me tell you one thing that is super important. The job I've been praying for since March - this past Thursday night - I GOT IT. You can now call me Professor Pressley. I like the way that sounds and looks - it makes me feel a great deal smarter than I actually am :O) More than anything it delights me to no end and makes me feel like the pursuit of an education and two Master Degrees has finally paid off and landed me my first ever "real job" that doesn't require me to say "So you want a double tall non fat one splenda one pump of vanilla light on the foam with whip latte?" I'm easily delighted by the little things and some thing like this is major - so describing my enthusiasm is not possible. And though I owe my first four children to slave labor for my SallieMae bill, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel :O) Also, if you have read my blog at all to this point you know that excitement brings a season of sleeplessness - but at least this sleeplessness is for all the right reasons! I am so very happy to report this to you.
Additionally, you may wonder how my relationship is with my BFF and self-proclaimed mentor is going. I would say, "God has her just as much in my grill now as He did at the first of the year." My mind is still blown by this unique journey God has me on, but I'm no less confused by it than the day I started. I can say, though, I've learned to embrace it on a better level. Believe it or not, the reason I'm even writing today is because I prayed once again for God to give me a point to what He has me doing & reporting here - I was shocked by what He told me.
Besides the fact that I can report that what I have learned from her thus far combined with what God is teaching me through others and through His word - I can honestly say I am more secure and have a deeper sense of healing in the depths of my soul. I keep wondering how deep and wide the peace of God is to the truly freed soul and what blows my mind is that the concept of ultimate liberty can not be truly comprehended. In my retrospection today, I realized that the highs I've experience with God lately are but a blip on the radar of what is possible. The tricky part is, it takes a lot of courage and dependence on God to work through the lows that lead to those ultimate highs. I am quickly finding that true surrender to my hearts desire of a sold out heart means dealing with pain that is barely describable by words - mainly because the pain can emerge at any moment from the enemy's heart penetrating fiery darts or worse yet an honest glimpse of one's self in the mirror. But if I have learned anything from my mentor the high-low moments never end, but the pursuit of a deeper relationship with God always bares fruit. Beyond that, I've come to have a greater respect for putting on the full armor of God each day.
Ultimately, the gift so far is that God has taught me a new way of loving our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Not only has God allowed me to truly respect a total stranger, but also to genuinely have deep care and concern for her based purely on the fact that we are sisters in Christ. I'm compassionate by nature and it would not be out of the ordinary for me to lay down my life for a stranger if God asked me to do it, but this unexpected feeling of truly admiring someone to the point that I lift them up in prayer on a daily basis stumps me emotionally. It is so weird being this invested in prayer and not having a clue to the point of it. Try as I might to ignore it, God won't allow me too & uses more strangers unaware to hold me accountable to this season of prayer for her. But as I end nearly four years of this - can this truly be wrapped up in my mind as a "season"? - Sigh. Best I can figure she just must need more prayer than any person I've ever met. And since I have the time, God's just has me doing it & blessing me with the benefit of learning from her as a bonus.
Granted, the study of her teaching has allowed me to get to know her on some level, but I can't say I've ever been this deeply affected by a person I only know from speeches, media, print & second hand stories. I think we would all agree we are a combination of the things God has exposed us too in life. But never before has God allowed any person other than my parents to have a place of influence in my life like this. I am a student by nature. I tap a source till the well is dry & God moves me to a new one. I'll take a mentor moment in life whenever and however I can get it. But something here...is different.
All told it begs the question: How am I impacting people who may be watching me? Am I a person people can respect? The answer can be both yes and no. That doesn't send me to an insecure tailspin because I believe that answer is the same for everyone. But, the question does influence how I handle each day. We are all working on "the dash" on our headstone after all, if I can some how manage to glorify God by doing it then I'll feel contented. Mistakes will happen, but at least in Christ the opportunity for a clean slate is always available to a truly repentent heart. That's how I sleep at night (when the adrenaline isn't pumping anyway :O) ).
OK. This post has been long enough. I'll leave you with the passage that often brings me comfort - from the MSG b/c it is closest:
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
(Matt 11:28-30)
This has been true in my life. I sense the same for my "mentor." And if you happen upon this glimpse in my life today - know it is also true for you. Later Gators :O)
-----
PS - Jesus influences my life more -I just meant in the 21st century in case you are wondering :O)
