Last night, while praying and blow drying my hair (what can I say, God is apart of my life - all the time :O) God gave me some insight on my blog project. The question of, "Why Beth Moore?" is on my mind pretty regularly. I think about it at least once a day. I just don't get why God would have me pour a good portion of my life into understanding a stranger - some one I may never even get to meet. I know I could meet her if I wanted - she isn't completely unaccessible or anything - but I am not one to seek out people. I like to just live life everyday in obedience and be surprised by the people God brings in along the way. Anyone of note that I have ever met, I have met just that way: I'm just walking along and then BOOM - God just drops a person in on me to give me some insight. And then later I realize I was just hanging out with someone really cool. Let me side-track a second....
There have only been three times these encounters did not go smoothly. Once, while working an event I met Mandisa. I was like crazy busy during this event - working behind the scenes as a volunteer. That day I was what I call the "fill in the blank" person, which means whatever needed to be done that didn't have a person to do it - I did it. I had said at the onset that the only thing I wanted to do was to take a break during Mandisa because I wanted to hear her sing live and in person. I discovered her music right about the same time I discovered Beth Moore and God was using it to edify my life. Her music connected with my soul and the Spirit inside me just recognized a pureness of heart in Mandisa. I am not one to be a "fan," generally I just love people and any opportunity to get to know more of them, but Mandisa changed that. She is the first and only music artist that I made an effort to see in person - it was the main reason I volunteered to work at this conference. I wouldn't have been able to afford to see her on my own, but I knew working for it would ultimately be worth it. Anyway, so to the meeting....
You see, I had back stage access because as the ultimate "fill in the blank" I needed to be able to go anywhere. Well, there was a moment I was running down the hall and all of sudden I just stopped. I wasn't even aware of why and then BOOM there was Mandisa standing right in front of me. I was so caught off guard I couldn't even speak. It is rare that I can't fake composure even if I am really excited - no chance here I had no time to prepare. As I tried to tell her how God had used her in my life- it came out BLA BLA BLA I think you are awesome. She gracefully smiled, hugged me and walked away. As it settled, I just felt like an idiot. I get flustered just thinking about how I lost my cool in that moment. I lost my chance just to treat her like the friend and sister and Christ she is to me.
You see, I just don't get worked up over people and some how that day I became like one of those crazies yelling for the Jonas Brothers. I didn't yell or say anything inappropriate - the adrenaline just made me miss the moment. It is still my prayer that one day God will allow me to redeem myself and talk to her like a normal person. I know we could be BFF :O)
What's the point of the story? I am able to understand why it is that I respect Mandisa. I understand that I got so worked up because I had so much to say and it just came out jumbled. She is still my favorite recording artist and I am committed to keeping her at the top of my list in the music department (if you know how obsessed I am with music than you would know this is a big deal). She is at the top because I relate to her story, I respect the way she lives her life, and her music speaks right to my heart and keeps me charged up to serve God everyday. And, it didn't take me a year to figure this out! So why Beth Moore? Why a year? - Sigh. The same three things are true for her, yet still my Spirit won't rest on that - it keeps driving me forward telling me to learn more - I just don't get it.
WELL FINALLY, God has given me a glimmer of insight - NOT COMPLETE INSIGHT, but at least a glimmer: it's about understanding her journey. I sense God telling me it isn't the only reason, but at least it is a starting point. Right now, as I am trying to finish up two Master's degrees before May I feel like I don't have as much time to dedicate to learning her journey. I feel I all ready know to much about her as it is LOL. I am investing at least an hour a day somehow working to discern or hear the "mentor moment" God has for me. I just pray, ask God to lead me where to go, and then I just listen or read whatever He directs me too. But, one thing God showed me to do tonight is to read her books - in order - as she wrote them and released them. Hmm...that makes understanding the journey a bit more clear.
Whew. Right now that means 13 books if you don't include bible studies and devotionals. So it is a starting point - some focus. I don't know when I will start this. It would be easier if I could just call her up and let her tell me this over the phone :O) Maybe in the mean time I will just pray she calls me LOL. Until then, I'll just keep being obedient to this project and trust that upon completion it will all make a little more sense to me. I'll keep you updated on the progress.
OK. So to share quickly my mentor moment from today. MEMORIZE SCRIPTURE. She hits me in the face with this one pretty regularly. I love the Word, but lately I fail at memorizing it b/c I am trying to memorize church history or leadership skills or communication skills. But, I am just making useless excuses. The war is in the mind and I don't want to lose. So, I guess I will be obedient to God and get on that one too.
Peace out peeps - school work calls me.
The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart.
- Hebrews 4:12
Song of the Day: How Much by Mandisa
