Day 200 "Unfinished Plans"

Okay - time to boast a bit. I am really good at planning. I mean I can see a situation, strategize a way to complete it. I mean step-by-step plan for success. I can take a challenge break it down to manageable pieces. I am a strategizer with a plan in hand. I am good at understanding what it really takes to get something done. The problem is that in life our greatest strength is often in combat with our greatest weakness. For me, that can sometimes mean follow through and completing the plan. I don't know if I get bored easy or if I am just too undisciplined to make life count as it should each day. Or maybe the enemy is just good at knowing my weaknesses and he knows how to neutralize my "change the world for Christ" efforts. I can't do anything on my own - I am more sure of that than I am my own next breath. But sometimes I feel like I should be a little more capable so God doesn't have to work so hard to prod me along each day. It's like I see how a project should be done, I know I can do it, but then it's like I sike myself out or something. I don't give up, but I can sometimes procrastinate. But the closer a deadline - the more of a challenge which helps my adrenaline pump and really gets my creative juices flowing. But why can't I get things done sooner I wonder? How much of that is God's timing and how much of it is me being undisciplined? I wish there was a PH test to determine my efforts.

Then at the same time, I kind of feel like I am doing all that I can. I don't know. It's a battle. I am either a big dreamer with foresight to see how things could be or I am just too ambitious and believe more can get done in a day than really can be done. Time will tell, but I sense God working to teach me balance. But, I feel God pressing on my heart to do better right now with time management. Weird right? The problem is when I don't feel challenged, I kind of don't have the drive I need to accomplish what I need to accomplish. And with not really having a job - I kind of have to challenge myself and well that can be pretty tough. I can be a workaholic if I wanted to b/c in my mind there is always something to do - but that is followed with moments or days where I don't seem to accomplish anything b/c I don't really know what to do b/c I wonder if anything I am doing is truly pursuing God's plan for my life. -Sigh. They say in life the biggest battle is with ourselves and well I guess God is teaching me to endure and be strong as the old and new men in me fight to the death. (I feel confident the new man is winning :O)

When God has you in a holding pattern it can be kind of tough b/c you don't know if He is wanting you to rest or wanting you to work to get ready for the next step. I know it is kind of a mix for both b/c we can never really be fully ready for the unknown. I am comforted by James 1:2-5:

Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do it's complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.

I am pretty sure I have mentioned this verse before, it is one that gets me through on many occasions. I love the book of James, it speaks volumes into my spirit.

My mentor moment comes from some videos that are about a year old. I was perusing about and came across one of BM's videos where she is talking about the start of her ministry and why it is entitled Living Proof. It really suit my mood to hear about her beginning and how God was working in her life in those early days. It resonates with my current situation of beginning something new and almost undefinable with God. It offered me hope and encouragement to know that sometimes when God presents us with a plan that may seem out of our realm of comprehension - something big is up.

So for now, I am working to finish up the unfinished in my life. I feel confident that God will send me a job soon which will happily consume more of my daily life. But for now, I am searching my heart and my life for things that are on the verge of completion so that I can wrap that thing up and be a little more free to take on something new. It's sunny out today and I am feeling pretty optimistic about accomplishing a lot with the six hours of work time I have left. And, as I think on my mentor and what God would have me learn from her, I also remember Hebrews 13:7:

Remember your leaders who have spoken God's word to you. As you carefully observe the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith.

And that is what it boils down too. I have plenty to imitate and if it kills me, I will imitate those who I respect. There are many out there for me to look up too. And right now God has my self-proclaimed mentor pretty high on that list. I am observing and hoping that through osmosis BM and the others I am exposed to with inspire me to become who I am supposed to become in and with the Lord.

Day 199 "Steady & Ready"

Today has really been a great day. For the fourth morning in a row I am up and participating in life before 7am. For some, I know this is not early. But - considering the battle I have had this last month with sleep - my spirit is rejoicing that God has allowed me to overcome and find rest. My spirit woke up alive and focused on God.

My dad picked me up at 730 for a game of golf. I am so blessed to have a dad who loves me enough to spend time with me. Even though certain things in both of our lives are not quiet making sense, it is nice to know that my dad is willing to take some time to step away from the chaos and spend a morning playing golf with me. Most would laugh to know we are playing golf. It is a sport he introduced me too and we don't really have a lot of experience - but we are having a blast on the road to becoming professional golfers :O) The best part is we get to talk and I get to hear how God is working in his life. His willingness to stay focused on the positive during a time when the pressure to view life negatively is so great encourages me a great deal. I give him the credit for teaching me to love God with my whole heart even during times of insecurity with life circumstances - this is a gift I will treasure always.

I am looking forward to this week. There is something exciting about the possibilities that it holds. I am preparing for a conference that I am kind of scared of. I am waiting to see if I will get a response from the application I shipped out on Saturday. I guess I am just on full alert for God to show me the way to go.

My mentor moment was pretty direct today. I was watching a LifeToday episode about "Not throwing away your confidence" - I think it is a whole series. And the main verse BM spoke on was Hebrews 10:35-36:

So don't throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you need endurance, so that after you have done God's will, you may receive what is promised.

This is a Scripture I have read before, but it is especially pertinent to my life today because I am kind of living in the middle of where I have been and where I am going. It is so strange really, but kind of exciting. But, it also can make me feel kind of insecure because in some ways I don't feel like my life has any particular purpose. But this verse and the message from BM today reminds me that I need to remain confident in who God has made me to be. I need to endure and continue to seek God's will. I need to accept the encouragement He offers me to stay steady and be ready. I need to act when He tells me to act and believe when He tells me to believe so that one day I will receive all of what He has promised.

You know, God assures me He has plans for me all the time. He works directly to answer my prayers or to give me just what I need to make it through the day. And today, He saw fit to fill my heart with joy. I am so thankful for that. I look forward to what is ahead.

I hope you are feeling blessed today. Later peeps.

Day 198 "Sunday Morning"

Woah. This is the first Sunday morning in a long time that I have missed church and been in town. I am in charge of worship which is part of my part-time job - so I haven't missed unless I have been out of town. But this morning, I was given an opportunity to have some time to myself. I prayed a great deal about it and decided that I would stay home.

I went out this morning into the yard and the weather was wonderful and a soft breeze was blowing. I just sat and felt like I was soaking up God into the pores of my skin. For a bit I actually sat back in my chair and dozed off a bit and had the best 15 minute nap a girl could ask for. Then I opened my journal and my Bible and began to write. I like being alone with God - especially when it can be outside. I am kind of convinced that is why I have taking to liking golf so much.

We had such a sweet time together today. It was a priceless morning between us. I've been praying so much on where God would have me to go and what He would have me to do. Today, He just calmed my spirit and told me to stay where I am and wait for Him to finish working. We talked a lot about my current financial situation b/c I have some serious concerns about it. Just because He is who He is He used a lady at church today to help pay a bill I did not have money for. Three bills left for the month that have not been paid, but He proved He knows what is going on and that I am working to be faithful. Now, there are only two bills left. I love how specific God is when He works.

Anyway, I am glad to share this intimate time with you. Here is the verse that captures my spirit today from Hebrews 4:15-16:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time.

Amen right? Have a blessed day peeps.

Day 197 "Early Morning"

I woke up really ready to start the day today. Such a good feeling this is the second day in a row that I have woke up early. I went to my dad's first thing to help him put on a yard sale. While working I prayed that I would get word from the gentlemen who I need a reference from for my application packet. Just when I was finished helping my dad set up...He called. Not only that he had my reference in hand and was on his way to a meeting really close to where I live. I love how God's timing always works together for good.

I was able to drive and meet him. Better yet, I was to the post office well before the noon cut off time I knew I needed to shoot for last night. So, I was able to get my application packet overnighted and to the hands of the people who need it. I hope it is God's will for me to have this job - I know I want it badly enough. But, I want His will more. So if this is not His plan...I can't wait to see what else He would have me do with my life and time.

I also received great encouragement from a new friend who is helping me to be a part of a Bible study on Ruth. This keeps me in touch with my mentor who is studying the same book right now as a part of her Siesta Summer Bible Study. I am very happy about this. I have wanted to be a part, but it has been a struggle to get up and get going with it.

So, today I looked into the book which lead me to a verse from Hebrews 11:27:

By faith he left Egypt behind, not being afraid of the king's anger, for he persevered, as one who sees Him who is invisible.

This is talking about Moses and his journey. But it encourages me to remember that God often calls us to walk by faith and leave our past behind us. We need to persevere and live as one who sees Him who is invisible. What a word this is to my heart and soul today. Getting that job application in today is a mark of perseverance today. I have been struggling for many weeks to stay strong and keep looking toward God and trusting in His plan. And, today, I got to put some feet to it. What a blessing.

Anyway, I have to get going. People in the yard are calling out to me! Bye peeps.

Day 183 "Solid Rock"

Well, most wouldn't consider the start to my day as exactly early, but I can say that this morning is the first morning I have been a part of willingly this week! Such a breath of fresh air to my soul. I didn't really get any more sleep last night, but just having God wake me up in timely way was so awesome. I was up reading the prophets of the OT until I feel asleep - there is some really interesting stuff in those books. Check them out sometime peeps! One cool thing that stood out to me last night was from Joel 2:13-14 (this time from the Message):

Change your life, not your clothes. Come back to God, your God. And here's why: God is kind and merciful. He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot. This most patient God, extravagant in love, always ready to cancel catastrophe. Who knows? Maybe he'll do it now, maybe he'll turn around and show you pity. Maybe, when all's said and done, there's be blessings full and robust for your God!

Change your life, not your clothes? LOL. Love it. It is what I am striving for after all, a changed life. I was thinking last night that God sure does seem to be closing door after door, which is odd... sense I am on full alert to see what doors will open. But thinking on verses like this keeps life in perspective. God is always willing to cancel catastrophe. Lord knows I experience a great deal of catastrophe on my own, so if closing doors spares me it then bring it on I say!! :O)

Anyway, so last night I got caught up on like 30 blog posts. Whew - total carpel tunnel right? LOL. Nah. It isn't that bad. Actually, working on it encouraged me a great deal. Most of it I have written up in my journal so it's about just sparing you some of the gory details and sharing what I feel seems right on here. Speaking of sharing, God has totally creeped me out in a good way this morning. How? Well, as soon as I got up I was ready to get over here and finish up my blog. Two days to the half way point of my journey and I would really like to be as caught up as possible with my posting. So, with the BFF on my mind it felt obvious to me that I should check her blog out today and well of course God used it to tell me something new.

These last couple of weeks I have really wondered how real we should be in ministry. I don't mean in regards to honesty or sharing what God is doing. But, I have wondered how far do we go with sharing our stories? How much of ourselves do we really allow the people we are ministering too to see? How much do we let our friends and family see? What's just for our own walk? With so many failed relationships in the wake of my life, let's just say I have some hesitancy as I move forward with who God wants me to be. And well, this morning God spoke to that prayer through my self-proclaimed mentor. It seems apparent that we do what God tells us to do and if we realize later that we need to do more, then we do more.

I am acutely aware of God's timing these days. I think it is so ironic that on her blog last night, with me having no clue, she was writing about some troubling feelings she was having regarding A Heart Like His, just as I was posting my last post on how God use A Heart Like His to really enhance my life and change me for the better. See, I told you I couldn't make this stuff up. Whether anyone reads my blog of not, at least I have it to document the fact that I am not crazy. :O)

One of the things that spoke to me most this morning was when she wrote:

Praise His Name, He really does grow us up in knowledge and in grace. He is so patient. So merciful. But just in case some of you have only done one of the earliest unrevised Bible studies and didn’t hear it as clearly as you should have, hear me clearly today: GOD IS THE ONLY REASON WHY I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP LONG ENOUGH TO DRAW A BREATH. ANYTHING IN MY LIFE OF VALUE IS FROM HIM ALONE. HE IS MY DECENCY. HE IS MY ONLY HONOR. WITHOUT HIM, I’M A TOTAL WRECK. I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE IN MINISTRY. I DID NOT EARN IT. ALL THAT I HAVE TO OFFER IS HIM.

He’s it. Plain and simple. Gorgeous and complex.

:O) Oh mano. Sometimes it concerns me that as we grow older our relationship with God grows more complex. Sometimes it concerns me that God will always show us ways we could have served Him more completely if we were willing to take bigger risks. But you know, I am still willing to try. And, I know God supplements my life with BM because He intends to push me further into the person He intends me to be. I love this reminder to stay humble. I love this reminder that we are who God wants us to be only because God allows us to become it. We are only valuable to the extent that God works in us and through us.

I am a wreck too. I know that is why I relate to BM the way I do. It will be interesting to see in heaven how God will use this unique time in my life with BM as my fake mentor to guide me in the way I should go. If she feels she doesn't deserve to be in ministry what hope do I have LOL? The same as her :O) All in all this brings to mind and old Hymn, The Solid Rock. It represents my heart this morning and will serve as my conclusion:

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, and His blood, support me in the whelming flood;

When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh, may I then in Him be found;

Dressed in His righteousness alone, Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

Day 182 "Perspective"

Well, so far I have posted every day this month! LOL. That is a good feeling.

OK, I know blue and green are my favorite colors right now, but my goodness God really displays it for me in the best way. I wish you could see the day with me right now. If I wasn't so broke I would go play golf :O) so I could prance around in God's beautiful creation. But seriously, if God moves me back south I will miss this mid to high seventies weather. My sun burn from Monday is almost healed and I am ready to get back outside - I think I may just do some 5K training today just so I can get out there. But anyway, I digress.

My brain is still all over the map, which is to be expected from the surge of Holy Spirit still booming about inside me. I can't say I got an early start to this day, but I can say I feel a bit more focused. I feel pressed to finish up the "undone" in my life. I want to get organized the piles of things in my life that are just a hair shy of being completed you know? I am a starter by nature, which means I am all about new things and letting others finish them. But, I know there is value with bringing finality to unfinished business. So, though I was going to start a full force job hunt today, I decided that it would be better for me to continue getting organized and taking a few things off my plate. Then Monday, see where God wants me to go with the job hunt. Unfortunately, one unfinished thing is laundry (BOO) so I am working on that and also on trying to get caught up a bit on my blog.

So far today, I have brought one thing to completion: A Heart Like His. Tomorrow or the next day I move to the next book, but for now I revel in the finishing of this one. The best thing for me is a brief glimpse at one of my all time favorite heroes: SOLOMON. I wish her next book was on His life, but anyway....here are my take-aways today:

Never underestimate the power of a positive example! David could not have motivated the leaders of Israel to give freely and whole-heartedly to the Lord unless he had given (272).

The whole "you never know who is watching," adage comes to mind. Especially now as I am taking a risk to write up this ministry concept God has me working on. Can I truly be an example to people? I am uncertain, but I am certain of who my God is. And if God can use David, and BM for that matter, then He can use me. I just need to work to be dedicated to God first and foremost.

Passionate hearts and genuine praises are invariably contagious. David's overflow cause a tidal wave of praise (273).

Golly. I get this one too. It is amazing how differently people can react to me sometimes. When I am totally jazzed up after a Jesus Moment or time of worship with God I think it is more obvious than I realize. I want this to be more true in my life. I don't want to just have this overflow sometimes - I want to have the overflow continually. It is something to strive for anyway :O)

Perspective invariably accompanies praise. Hearts prone to praise will keep perspective on the timeless might and power of God. Without an active praise life, our perspective of God gets turned upside down (275).

This is so true and a welcomed reminder. You know, even when at the bottom emotionally, finding a way to praise has an unimaginable good affect on my life. Even Wed. as I was working into my time with God, I was just speechless. But being able to get my ipod out and sing to Him the feelings of my heart - really just opened me up. Then after all the tears and time with Him, I was able to put on my Mandisa, etc on and just jazz it up and act like a crazy person around my house :O)

David's house was in order. God had given a weary man strength and helped him prepare a family and a nation for life in his absence (278).

I hope God is not having me get my life in order because my time is coming to an end. But I see the value of keeping this perspective that David had in his last days. We need to be mindful of God's timing. Are we doing what God asks us to in the time He has given us? This is at least something I am pondering right now.

Well, I totally have perspective today on what God is doing for me as I work through my future BFF's journey. I know what is coming in Breaking Free and I think that it is cool that God allowed her to first write this book regarding the nature of heart. I know that it was a Bible Study first, but to see how it gets a person preemptively ready to "break free" kind of amazes me. OH the conversations we could have....LOL. I am sad this brief study of David is over, but thankful for all I have learned through it. Well, I guess I am off to see what else I can finish today, but I hope you have an awesome day peeps!

Song of the Day: Captivated by Shawn McDonald

Day 181 "Re-Set"

So, if you have read up to this point in my blog you should know that Jesus Moments are followed by me being a total spas. Sometimes I think God forgets who I am and gives me a bit of an overdose when it comes to filling me with His Spirit LOL. Today, my mind is literally in a million places. Job searching, missionary work, writing a ministry and trying to get my life back in order. I am like PING...PING....PING. All said and done, making me a bit less productive then all my energy is making me feel capable of :O).

That being said, I am working to make the most of it. With so much to do I've been a little off track this week, I am trying to get back focused on what God wants me to do. I had to give up on anything that involved a computer because I was in an endless loop of trying to conquer the world for Christ in a myriad of ways :O) To save face, I felt led to be more productive doing something physical and choose to cook and clean. Cleaning my house makes me feel like life is a bit more in order and OK. Took some time to have some spa moments with stuff I had around the house. And, I made dinner for my dad, which helps me use my strongest ministry gift of hospitality and that always makes me feel more productive in life :O)

After all this, I am feeling a little more calm now. I love the ability to just have a "re-set" day. And, it totally set me up for my time with my mentor in A Heart Like His. Tonight I was reading the chapter on "Wholehearted Devotion" based on 1 Chronicles 28. Several things stood out to me:

God provides what we need. Now we, like Solomon, need to get busy. God promised His plans are to prosper us, to give us hope and a future (Jer 29:11). The Word of God and Christ's indwelling Spirit equip us to fulfill the works preordained for us in God's perfect plan. (263)

UM. Hello April, isn't this exactly what you need to hear today? Do you see why this project kind of creeps me out a bit. I couldn't make this if up if I were trying. God's timing...BLOWS MY MIND. I wanted to be done with this book a couple of weeks ago, but God has had me slow down with it and now I get it. I especially love 1 Chron 28:9:

Serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thought.

Mano. I prayed to asked God to help me be more sold out. His reminder is that I must have a willing mind and trust that He is able to discern my motives even if no one else can.

BM continues by pointing out directives to help us understand and apply this in every area of potential success: Acknowledge God; Serve Him with wholehearted devotion; and Serve Him with a willing spirit. Good word right?

So, that being said. I take pleasure in being reminded of Jer. 29:11 (one of my favorite verses) and encouraged to "get busy" from my mentor. God is going to provide for my every need in His good and perfect time, I just need to work to acknowledge Him, serve Him willingly, and continue to pursue a wholehearted devotion to Him.

OH peeps, I have to get going, but I hope this was encouraging to you.