Day 89 "Evacuated"

So, today I was evacuated from my home. I wish I had pictures, but there was not time for them! After a crazy day yesterday - I planned to sleep in - hoping to enable my body to heal a bit. I was woken up by banging on my door. My dad and a fireman were out there. At first, I thought my house was on fire, but nothing was really registering because I was barely out of dream mode and I was trying to figure out what was going on. Then my dad was like, "Have you looked out your windows yet?" I was like, "No, I was still sleeping." And I pulled back the curtain and two feet of water was at the front of my house and a raging river not much beyond that. I had like five minutes to get some random stuff together and get out. It was one of the most insane moments I have been through in a while.

Interesting enough, I felt God's peace in the moment. I gathered my medicine - a pillow - a couple of change of cloths and I was off. I forgot my Bible though and was devastated. But, I couldn't go back because they were evacuating us all. So, I really hope I will still be able to get it. Chances are good. I am on the second floor, so unless my house crumbles I should be in good shape. Either way - God is in control and I know He has got my back. The biggest blessing was that my parents lived near by. They knew I was home and when they couldn't get me on the phone they figured something was up. My dad fought the firemen to get down to my house. I am glad he did b/c my phone had died and I was drugged up with my meds and sound asleep with no idea what was happening. I am so thankful for being rescued and that God had my back when I was sick. Swimming out would not have been for me today - trust me on that one.

My parents aren't necessarily on high ground. Once at their house we kept hoping the nearby dam was not going to break. The town people were on it like crazy and were all sure that it was going to fall. Miraculously it held on today. My parents had to virtually clear their basement - I was of no help with my sick self - but it was a race cause water was coming in. Now, the water has started to recede, so if we all make it through the night - we should be in the clear. It's midnight and we still have power, so things are looking good.

Well, my mentor came with me via my computer and insecurity book. Thankfully, I was too sick to unpack last night so I was able to grab my backpack with my computer and books. I'll be honest - things were hectic today and I didn't really have much time to spend with her. Forgetting my Bible has left me feeling out of sorts. God so often uses my time with Him to lead me to my mentor moment so I can't say I am feeling any real direction towards "a moment" today. But what comes to me is almost like a re-post from weeks ago about trust. Beth often talks about trusting God. That's what comes to mind right now, I just need to trust trust trust. So, though not very compelling to you, my mentor moment is just to trust. That's what God is telling me to do & if BM was on the phone I sense she would tell me to do the same.

Thank you for your prayers. I am off to try and get some sleep.

Day 86 "Conversations"

Well, me and my can of Big Sexy Hair Root Pump Spray Moose are handling Atlanta well :O). My day has been full of amazing conversation. I have met people from all over America. This one couple works with refugees. They help those kicked out of their countries acclimate to life here in America. Did you even know that could be a job? Me neither. They have the biggest hearts and their passion to serve and help those in need exudes from their faces. God's glory is truly shinning through them. This other couple lives in Colorado and they minister to the foreigners who come from other countries to work in the resorts there. And my other friend works with transplants from Iraq who are trying to make a life in Kentucky. I literally met and 'conversated' with about 25 people today - all different and new from the people I met yesterday. I sit here dumbfounded by the way God is working in the lives of others - it blesses me to be around people who love Him so much. I feel so lucky to be here.

So in the morning, me and all my new friends will be before about 9000 people (or so they tell me). Um, little intimidating maybe? YEP! To God be the glory - may He be with my mouth when I have to introduce myself in front of them! Pray for me please! But, at least I have my shiny new gold badge... when I wear it I feel like a kid in school who has just received a gold star LOL. Maybe it will give me courage tomorrow :O)

I am starting to feel exhausted in a good way - so much in fact I almost didn't write. The power of God around me overwhelmed me tonight. When I got back to the solace of my room, I wept before Him. I am embarrassed to admit it, but being in the midst of God sometimes makes me feel so inadequate. Are you ever amazed He can use at all? After a good cry and dealing with some hurts that randomly emerged (good bye insecurity!), I got my praise and worship on and now God's joy and peace is beeming from me. I love that we can just be ourselves before God. I love how I can just go before Him and seemingly cry out from the depths of my heart in pain and then rejoice later because my heart is so happy. I don't deserve to be loved this much.

My mentor moment really comes from conversations I have had with people today. As I have said, I keep my fake mentor situation on here a secret. The fewer people who think I am crazy the better :O) But people talk to me about BM all the time. Isn't that crazy? Sometimes I wonder if there is a sign on my head that I can't see that says, "Hi my name is April. Please approach me and talk to me about Beth Moore." Three people today talked to me about her and of course I am thinking "you just have no idea how much I get what you are saying" LOL. This leads me to my mentor moment from God today.

I am to work to be in tune with God to the extent that my life radiates His glory and love in such a way that others are impacted positively. I don't know what my future ministry will look like, but I do hope that God renovates me in such a way that I can be real like my fake BFF and mentor. Mano, what she does has to be exhausting. Pouring out her soul to God in front of a crowd... preparing... working it out before hand. I know the struggle it is just on the minor level I occasionally do it some times. No doubt she sheds a few tears getting ready to speak here and there. But what an example she is to me. Persevering. Glorifying God. Yet, somehow she stays out of the spotlight and lets it just be about God and how He is working in her life. No shame in trying to learn to do that with my life right?

Anyway, Life is a crazy ride. Here's to the adventure ahead. Peace out peeps.

Song of the Day: I Like Me by Kirk Franklin

Day 85 "Any Given Day"

Dude, submitting to God's will has to be the best thing about my life. Boring opener right? But it is so true I just can't help but express it. Who would of thought letting God be in control would make life so wonderful? I'm loving the journey so far even though sometimes it has been a little uncomfortable. The cool thing about letting God be in control is that any given day - anything can happen.

I told you I felt like that it was going to be a good weekend here in the ATL. I didn't meet Ludacris, but I have met so many amazing people since I have been here - words can't express how encouraged I have felt today. Plus, I have felt so official because now I have this:

LOL. Why is it that name tags make us feel so important? I hope we get name tags in heaven :O) And, they make getting to know people so much easier - no pressure to remember people's names. So, I am still living the posh life in the hotel. Did I tell you they have Starbucks coffee as the in room offering? It is like I am meant to live here :O) Well, I know my mentor would appreciate it anyway....

So, I always look for a BFF when I go places by myself. God provided today. I love making new friends it is so much fun. Craziest thing is that as we got to know each other better - I found out that I went to school with her brother! The world is so small sometimes. So, I just realized that I have never really talked about being a missionary on this blog. Mainly because my time is spent reflecting on what I am learning from BM. So, I work for the North American Mission Board for a while and my job is to help people start new churches. That is the short end of it - if you want to know more just ask me and I will write a post about it sometime.

Can you tell I just drank the free Starbucks coffee? :O) OK - to my mentor moment. She is in Tucson - can you believe she didn't take me with her? Unbelievable! But I am kind of busy so I forgive her :O) I'm loving this hotel time because it is giving me time to catch up on my insecurity readings and reflections. Here is what stood out to me today:

As God took me through the journey that became the Bible study Breaking Free, He taught me to look for a common denominator among the things that triggered my destructive habits. Even then I came up with insecurity as the dominant answer. Christ performed a miracle on my heart and my mind through His Word and brought a decisive end to some behaviors and addictive tendencies I had battle almost all my life. It wasn't until the last few years though that I realized we had somehow never gotten all the way down to the deepest root of all: my persisting insecurity. Sometimes you have to shove all the surface stuff to the side in order to see what' underneath. Keep in mind that it took me a while to identify my ongoing problem because it only reared it's head in certain select areas of my life. I was completely secure in others. Finally, those select areas caused me enough misery to make the pivotal God-fed decision: I don't have to live this way anymore.

-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 151

Is she talking right into my life or what? This is what my heart has been screaming since day one of this blog. How can I be so secure yet have these failings simultaneously. And, thankfully God has chosen this year for me to go deeper in my life. To push it back and get down and dirty with the dark recesses of my soul where insecurity lives and breathes. And, though in some ways I have all ready made this decision - I AM NOT GOING TO LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE. I am ready to live free from it! And today, I put it to the test. I really wanted to swim in that pool here at the hotel. But who feels secure in a swimsuit? So I said, after reading this - forget it - I'm swimming and it as such a blast! I love being in the water - I forget how much sometimes. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Me and my chubby self had a blast today!

Oh friend - I hope on some level this crazy post encourages you. Life is really more fun when we just push past our insecurities and let God bless us. I am not perfect at - after all I am only half way through the book telling me how to live without it :O) But, really God's been brewing this in my heart - my mentor is just driving the message home. I am thankful for that. OK, I really must be off. I have homework to do!

Blessings peeps.

Day 84 "Peaceful in the ATL"

Right now, I am sitting in the Westin Hotel near the Atlanta Airport. I wish you could be here with me, I can honestly say I feel like I am living the posh life right now. I could live in a hotel you know. I actually feel more at home in hotels then I do in actual houses - likely because I have spent so much of my life living in them. Want to know an interesting fact? A hotel in NYC was actually "my home" for like a month and a half - crazy right? But anyway, I digress.

Today has been AMAZING. Since I am behind on my posts you don't know that I have been very anxious feeling about making this trip. I don't know why really, but some how being honored in front of a group of people makes me feel weird. I am not the only one - so I am not trying to be like "I am special" - but nonetheless I kind of like just living life anonymously. Anyway, I woke up with such peace in my heart this morning. I mean like crazy levels of peace flowing through my body. I had hardly any sleep yet I was energetic and ready to go. I finished packing - I have never had an easier morning before a trip. Then, my trip here was without incident. I have just felt like I was in my own personal God bubble all day - it's been crazy just feeling God so clearly interacting with me.

So I am here now and it feels so right. I just know God is going to work in my life the next four days. I look forward to learning more about what it means to be a certified missionary. I still can't believe I am being commissioned as a missionary this weekend. This is crazy. Never in my life would I have thought I would be a full time missionary, but it is God's will for a time I suppose and I am ready for the crazy ride He will take me on.

Of course, I brought my mentor along in various ways. I have my insecurity book and videos and the blog, but today God used a particular video to speak to me. It was a podcast from Life Today in April 2009 - the name of the lesson escapes me but here it the kicker:

"The Mind of Christ is Sound." - Beth Moore

Well duh April, right? But look at the context of this statement: In the message, she is talking about how the enemy wants us to question our sanity with hopes of ultimately destroying us. He does this by trying to convince us to live in defeat. He works to eat at our minds with fear, insecurity, jealously and a myriad of other issues that can make us feel psychotic. Ultimately, the idea is to convince us that living in fear and craziness is natural. Though I am over-summarizing, the point here is that in Christ we have the right to have a sound mind. We have the right to live securely and to not live in fear. We have the right to live confidently with Christ. We overcome what we lack by filling our mind with the soundness of God and His Word. Oh this is good stuff - Amen? Obvious, but what a fresh reminder it is to my soul.

You all know that I am back an forth on how I feel on this blog. There are days where I truly fear it. I feel like if people read it - they will consider me a lunatic. But you know? I am doing what God wants me to do in my life - even though right now I am not doing it as effectively as I would like. I have the right to have a sound mind about that which God asks me to do. Apparently, I just need to let God infiltrate my life more so I can embrace the soundness of mind He offers me. Many times on this blog I have made the resolution to approach this project without fear and trepidation, but it still keeps creeping up on me. But, if I can attest to anything, it is that God is at work in my life. Crazy or not, I know He is going to use this blog and Beth Moore to shape me into a better version of myself.

The relevance to your life is this: if God is asking you to do something crazy - just submit to it. We don't have to understand it to do it. We just have to be obedient. The ultimate point is that through the journey, we need to know and remember that God promises to give us a sound mind - He blesses us with that as we commune with Him.

Forgive my ADD tonight. I just feel I am having a mini-break through here. OK peeps. I need to go get ready for tomorrow. Talk to you soon.

Blessings to you :O)

Day 83 "I'm Back"

Well, I am not dead incase you may be wondering. I haven't decided to hate my blog and never write again either :O) When I wrote at the beginning of the month that this was going to be a crazy busy month - I didn't realize that today I would think that was the understatement of the century. Even as I a write, I have 400 things to do, but you know it is all good in the hood. I am just counting down the days until May 15th when I graduate and can take some time from all this course work for a while. Honestly, I can say that I am just so happy. God is with me right now AND BOY O BOY is that so necessary. I would be overwhelmed without Him.

Tomorrow I leave for the ATL. I am going down to be commissioned as a missionary. It is my hope to get caught up on my posts for this month by the 31st because I want to start my birthday month on the right note :O)

Today's mentor moment is light-hearted because I feel that my mentor is in a jovial mood today, I can say I am too. I can honestly say she is the best imaginary friend I have ever had :O) She got an idea from a magazine on an airplane and shared it on her blog. This is one of the reasons I choose her as my mentor - I do stuff like this too. We were supposed to share ten things about ourselves on her blog that people would know about us if they were close. I think it is a fun idea, so I am sharing mine on here today:

• 1. I love black music - i've always wished I could sing like Mandisa and rap better than Jay-Z
• 2. I inherited a zip-lock bag obsession from my mom - i think of buying them every time I go to the store
• 3. I've lived in many states and places, but I will always consider Texas my home
• 4. I am a fast driver, if I could I would love to race cars
• 5. I am obsessed with Blue Bell ice cream, which is ironic since for the last 15 years I've lived places that don't sell it.
• 6. If I could, I would travel to a new place every day just to experience something new
• 7. I am obsessed with learning, but I try not to let anyone know that.
• 8. I love keeping a clean house, but for some reason I really hate doing the floors - i mean I HATE IT :O)
• 9. Coke is my favorite drink, I've been on a forty day fast from it and felt sure I was going to die many times :O)
• 10. I could live the rest of my life just eating pizza, chicken alfredo and mexican food

Sigh. I could go on, but I am procrastinating as it is. I'll be honest, keeping up this mentor gig has really been difficult for me lately. Basically, I am just insecure about it again I guess. I think part of it is that I feel like it reminds me that I don't have a real mentor you know? Oh what I would give to have coffee once a month with my fake BFF. And, I've been a little discouraged b/c my schooling is keeping me from my keeping up with my blog postings. But look at this encouragement God gave me today from a book I was reading:

"Skills are also needed for success. Although God can work around our lack of skills, it is much wiser to develop skills. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says, 'If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.'"

Anyway, this just reminds me that God has me going through what I am for a reason. In less than two months I will have two masters degrees. I can't wrap my mind around this. I can't imagine what life will be like for me then.

I miss you guys. I would love to know you if you are reading my blog. Please leave me a note, it would mean a lot to hear from you!

Peace out my peeps.

Day 82 "Looking Ahead"

Some how being so close to the finish line of graduation has started me to think about what I am going to do with my life after I graduate. I mean, I all ready know I am going to work full time in ministry, but I need a job to pay the bills until full time ministry provides a way for me to live. And, since BM hasn't called me and asked me to work for her (LOL), I started brainstorming. Then, I got this crazy idea. I think I want to be a professor again. Out of the blue I was sitting on the couch and I was like, I think I am going to apply to be a professor. Well, I knew I needed to find another job to support my missionary work - but I didn't quiet expect God to put this on my heart. So, I am in process of applying to my school to be an online professor at Liberty University. It might be a fluke, but hey, the randomness of the thought makes me think God is at work. So, I will pursue this and let you know later how it turns out OK?

Meanwhile, let's get to my mentor moment.

Never let anybody tell you that sustainable victory in this flesh-and-blood existence is not possible. A secure woman exists inside of every one of us, and she is begging to come out.

-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 203

Thumbing through my SLI book, this struck me today. It resonates as true in my soul. I feel victorious. I didn't come to this on my own. I am coming off of a high of seeing God work mightily in my life and I can say - I wouldn't have made it through these last two weeks without Him.

Plenty of people have tried to discourage me over the years from living my life fully for God. Satan has used me as the most powerful weapon against myself. I have often had to work to overcome the fact that I can be more than my past mistakes. Sustainable victory is possible. I hope what you know of my journey thus far is evidence to that. We do have secure people inside trying to get out.

We just have to stick to it you know? We have to remain committed in the good times and the bad and God is faithful to let the victory we have over past sin to be sustainable through time. As I embrace becoming more secure via my mentor's encouragement and God's working in my life - I have to say God has empowered me by showing me this statement today. He wants me to remember and know that the freedom I feel is available always.

Anyway my friend, I hope you know that though life may ebb and flow - we have the power through God to have victory over that which makes us seem less than worthy. We are secure in Christ and God wants nothing but the best for us. So here is to the future! Though we don't know what life may hold - can we at least commit to living in victory over our oppressive circumstances while we let God make us into the secure woman He intends to be? Let's do it.

Blessings peeps. May God bless you in an unexpected way today.

Day 81 "So it begins..."

Oh mano. I feel like trying to double up on classes might have been a little audacious. I will be taking New Testament, Old Testament, and Evangelism - Oh, and finishing my thesis - no problem right? As I stare at these three syllabi in front of me I have my doubts. Anyway, it is going to be an adventure! Pray for me peeps cause it is going to get crazy before it gets better.

Today, I am ready to jump right into my mentor moment. So, I was listening to my mentor in a video from the series Heart of our Desire and she was talking about our need to be connected to one another. BM was working to get me to realize that we need to learn from one another - the older peeps need to teach the younger peeps. By looking into Psalm 37, she showed us how beneficial learning can be when we learn from someone who has experienced life.

I needed to hear this today. I really do. Insecurity resonates a bit with regards to me writing this blog. But you know, for me this is what it is all about. I am taking time to learn from someone older than me so that I can learn how to handle life with a little more grace and dignity. The hard part for me is overcoming the disconnect I have with my mentor b/c she is kind of like a figment of my imagination in some ways LOL, but God used her to show me that what I am doing is really not different than me learning from my mentors in the Bible. I don't know them either, yet I can study them incessantly and not feel weird about it.

Don't get me wrong. I know studying God's Word is like on a whole other level because I am immersing myself in God's truth, but hopefully you get what I am saying. I am just talking about the aspect of studying their life in the context of what God did in each of them individually. God is showing me the importance of connecting with fellow believers....of learning from fellow believers. Do you get me? If not, well, sorry buddy - I am trying to explain it as best I know how :O)

So, today it is short in sweet. Connect with somebody. Connect with God through His Word. Connect with a peep that is younger than you. Connect with a peep that is older. Let's see how this can change our lives for the better shall we?

Want some more inspiration? Check out Titus 2.

Asta la vista.

Day 80 "Celebration"

Sunday's really are the best day of the week you know. Today is no different. I just feel like proclaiming God's Awesomeness from the rooftops.

So, whenever I accomplish something significant in life (like finishing my thesis rough draft) - I like to celebrate with food. OH YES - food and my family are like coffee and Starbucks - we just pair so well together. Today was such a day - I was blessed to go to my favorite restaurant and eat the best chicken alfredo I have honestly ever had in my life. This place just does it right. It is called Paul's Pasta if you are ever in southern CT. There is only one of 'em and it is located right off a river bank. Don't pass it up if you ever get the chance. I promise you won't regret it!

Anyway, so you know today I take a break from my mentor. I have nothing really amazing to say, except that right now I am living smack dab in the middle of God's blessing and I am so happy about it. Tomorrow the last leg of school begins. I am intimidated by what is ahead, but I look forward to what God will do!

Here is a verse from the Message Bible paraphrase that wraps me up right now:

"Blessed is God, Israel's God, always, always, always. Yes. Yes. Yes."

-Psalm 41:13

Isn't that a cool verse? I like it. I hope you are feeling the richness of God around you today. If you aren't, take heart, you will get to these moments just as I have. We live in the valley sometimes, but God is always there to guide us to our next mountain top. Be brave my friend, good times are ahead!

Peace out peeps.

Day 73 "More than a Bible Study Girl"

Happy Sunday Friends :O) Today, we are taking a break from the Genesis saga because I have something pretty important to share with you. You know Sunday's are all about giving a "Shout Out" to my peeps in the world who are inspiring me besides my mentor. Today, we are doing a re-shout because I want to tell you about a book I recently read: Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkeurst.

You all ready know why I like and respect Lysa, but today I want to tell you why I like this book. One day while I was reading her blog, I noticed it. That led me to reading the synopsis, which led to me breaking out my Kindle. 60 seconds later, the book was mine :O)

Obviously, the title is all about where I am at right now in my journey. I want to know more. I want to go deeper. And now, God has blessed me with another mentor to help me get that done.

Lysa grabbed me from the introduction because she basically took time to thank me for reading her book and she made me laugh with her realness about being in a skirted tankini. I mean it is like that new old spice commercial. Look at the picture on the book. Then imagine her in a tankini. Then back at the picture on the front of the book. It just drew me in because it is just funny and offers a real picture of a woman living a regular life, but a life focused on becoming more via her relationship with God. But, laughter wasn't the only thing that kept me interested.

The essence is this, she wants to help women not only know God's truth but to help them feel equipped to live it out in their everyday lives. I thought, could this be more perfect for my life right now? The best part for me is that it is not just an informational book, but it is a challenge to become "more than a Bible study girl." What does that mean? Well, it means that we stop just reflecting and thinking on Jesus and actually take the time to let Him make real, life altering changes in our life. Lysa shows us that: Jesus can make a difference in our heart issues; Jesus can help our connection to God be more real; Jesus can make a difference in our relationships; Jesus can make a difference in how we process our struggles; and, Jesus really does have a calling for each of our lives.

Her honest approach to the topic really, "Had me at hello." Her deepest desire, "is to love God and let His love work through [her] to positively impact those around [her]." You should know enough about me by now to know that a person like this is someone I want to glean from. But here is why you should want to learn from her as well. She is vulnerable in a way that is rare in books today. Take a look at this quote:

"Until then, I'd saved myself for marriage. It was a religious rule I'd carefully followed. But my bitterness toward God numbed my conscience and helped pave the way for rejecting many of my religious convictions. Life became a wild party full of temporary moments of happiness. The deeper I sank into this lifestyle, the more desperate I felt."

We have all been there haven't we? A place where we feel completely broken and beyond repair. This is a journey you want to read. Her story is not only inspiring, but it will teach you a great deal about how to live for Jesus like you mean it.

Happy reading peeps. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Day 72 "50,000 Words"

Well you guys, I am 50,000 words closer to being released of a project that has been on my plate for almost three years. This last week I have written 80 pages and I can hardly believe the progress God has allowed me to make. With every word I type, I feel myself becoming more free. I am not quite there yet, but I feel myself getting closer by the minute. I should have this chapter roughed out tonight, which leaves me with just one more short one for tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention I have to work in two final exams between now and then as well? LOL - I got this right?

I will tell you it has taken everything I have got to get this far. I have spent so much time this week wearing holes in the floor with my knees. Other times just laying flat on my face overwhelmed and helpless. There were moments when I was down before God every five minutes and other times when I was writing I just felt like I was typing on a cloud. And moments where I got so distracted by the presence of God with me that I just broke out into my own praise and worship sessions. Mano! This thesis will be the product of blood, sweat and tears I tell you. But, I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My mentor you know is in Toronto right now. I wish I was there, I've always wanted to see that city. And honestly, after the week I have here all up in her business, I feel kind of like I just want to visit with her, eat moon pies and just talk about how awesome God is. You know - just chalax. But honestly, BM has been all up in my grill this week with all of the Breaking Free jazziness. I wonder if she ever just sits in amazement at the ride God has taken her on these last years. I bet she does. I do and my life is not nearly as exciting.

It's difficult to think of a mentor moment today. I have gleaned so much this week. But as I near the end, something from the message "The Steadfast Mind" stands out to me:

Are we going to stand there and take one glance in the mirror of God's Word and walk away and forget what we've heard or are we going to be set free by the perfect law of liberty? We've got to have a response to that. We've got to grow in the truth instead of just growing in head knowledge.

- Beth Moore, Breaking Free video, 1999

As I near the end of the this project, I can't neglect all that God has taught me along the way. For a time, my thesis was bondage for me because things have happened to me that have just ripped me in half spiritually and mentally. Satan has put me under some of the worst spiritual attack I have ever experienced. But the message of this series remains true, God is there and He continues to bring me victory. This week I can not deny His protective hand on me. He has used this study to refine me and remove the dross from my life. It has been a crazy ride, but really really good. My love for God and His truth has deepened and I just can't wait to see the future He has ahead for me.

On another note. Between you and me, I am having a really REALLY hard time remaining objective while I write this paper. I am supposed to write it from the point of view that I am not a Christian. I am using this theory to figure out what's going on below the surface. But when I am this deep in the Word of God - it's like I have jumping beans inside and I just want to scream out the name of Jesus. Don't worry, I am working Him in there, but not as blatant as I would like. Maybe that's why He gave me this blog - so I could just be real about how I am feeling somewhere you know?

Anyway, I don't know how it will all turn out. When you put this much of your life into something you want it to be accepted. But, I am so intimidated about handing it over to three professors. They could rip me a part and put it all back to square one again. But, to God be the glory. My dream for this thing is that somehow He uses this paper to bring Him glory. Maybe someone will use this paper in their research and God's truth will jump out to them. We just never know right? At least I can say that I know, this week, I have been doing exactly what God has wanted me to do.

Be encouraged my peeps out there in the blogosphere. I hope God works mightily in your life this coming week.

Oh and here is my jam today - it speaks right to my soul.

Song of the Day: Lay 'Em Down by Needtobreathe

Day 71 "Behind, but not Forgotten"

Hey my friends in the blog world. (To Heather, thanks for the nudge to get back on here). I have been keeping up with my mentor journey, I write on my blog, but I am behind on publishing b/c I need to finish up the flow you know? So if you've been reading - hold tight - I'll be sharing what's been going on real soon.

Where have I been? Completely immersed in my mentors Breaking Free world. That big paper, aka my thesis, is due right away and the pressure to finish is so great that I have had to cut out every single thing in my life that is not completely necessary. It has been an insane last few days - 14 hours a day at a computer is not my version of fun, but I can't say that it has been all bad. Nonetheless, it makes posting difficult at the end of the day b/c my brain is mush you know? But, God is working and teaching me so much.

Today, I am still working and I really hope to finish my thesis project by tomorrow - so pray for me if you have the opportunity it will not be wasted I promise. My mentor moment is special to me today:

You may not ever know, but I'm going to tell you other people will notice it in you. It won't just be an inner beauty, it will be a beauty that also comes to your face, comes to your actions, comes o the things that you say, grace of speech that comes to those who are free in Christ.

-Beth Moore, Untying the Cords of the Yoke Video, Breaking Free 1999

This hits me especially because my heart's desire is to transform into all that God wants me to be. I want to be somebody different. I want to be better. Not because I want people to notice, but because I want to be so in love with Jesus that I am completely changed by my relationship with Him. I hope that I can become more like Him and less like myself.

Life is so fun. God has been teaching me to embrace what He has for me each day. Though it doesn't make since - these last couple of weeks that has meant I am mostly alone catching up on school work. I am learning a great deal and I can't wait to share it all with you. Thanks for sticking with me guys. I'll be back to normal soon.

For now, here is something from the Message paraphrase Bible that spoke to me during my quiet time: (Psalm 119:33-40)

God, teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course.

Give me insight so I can do what you tell me - my whole life one long, obedient response.

Guide me down the road of your commandments;

I love traveling this freeway!

Give me a bent for your words of wisdom, and not for piling up loot.

Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets, invigorate me on the pilgrim way.

Affirm your promises to me - promises made to all who fear you.

Deflect the harsh words of my critics - but what you say is always good.

See how hungry I am for your counsel;

preserve my life through your righteous ways.

This is my prayer and I hope it can be yours too.

Peace out peeps.

....

Hey guys,

I am unable to publish posts momentarily. I will catch up with publishing as soon as possible. I hope you are well.

April

Day 60 "New Month - New Beginning"

Today is the official start of month three of my blog project. I can hardly believe it. A lot will go on in my life this month. I will finish three more classes toward my Master's degree. I will finish my fast preparing me for Easter. I am going to go to a Fresh Grounded Faith Conference. I'll play my first round of golf for the season :O) And, I am going to be commissioned as a missionary in North America. Crazy, but cool.

So, I've successfully made it through 10 days of my fast (it feels like longer). I'm starting to feel less tired without my caffeine, but I don't feel out of the water yet. My struggle has been knowing what to add to my life to drive me closer to God when I am feeling tempted. I have more chances in my day to think of Him, especially when the cokes in my fridge taunt me :O). But this morning, God gave me a cool thing to do that I think will help my fast be a little more productive spiritually. I am going to read though the New Testament. This is cool to me for a couple of reasons: First, there are 27 books so I'll see the whole story of Jesus unfold and conclude before Easter and before the end of my fast. Second, it's been a while since I just read it from beginning to end. I usually just read them in no particular order. And, I usually end up on Paul's letters most of the time. So, this will be cool. If you want, maybe you can do it with me. 30 days in the New T, I think it will be interesting.

Hmm. So today, I'm gearing up for a night of school work. But, first let me deal with my mentor moment:

Attitude is everything when it comes to limitations, and the way you view yourself will acutely shape how others view you. Nothing is more impressive than a person who is secure in the unique way God made her.

-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 81

This speaks to my heart because sometimes I can feel overwhelmed with my limitations. Like right now, I am taking a class that is just killing me. It makes me feel dumb, but I am doing my best not to let it get to me. I mean the goal is to learn right LOL? But, God is really enabling me to be myself in this class. He is teaching me to just be myself and realize that I don't have to be a superstar in the subject. He is allowing me to not feel intimidated by the level of knowledge some of my classmates have. And, though I wouldn't of thought it possible, I do feel more secure just being myself and admitting that I don't get it sometimes. It is freeing. Now, I might not get the best grade in the class, but at least I can end it happy with myself and my effort right? :O)

The limitations she talks about here aren't just in the class room. They can be a disability. They can be your appearance. They can be a lot of things. But the point she drives home is this:

God can bring freedom and vision to your life because of those limitations that you would never have discovered without them. You can let your limitations make you either insecure or unstoppable (83).

Whoa. So true. I face it everyday. I'm often intimidated by the knowledge of others. I often feel my looks aren't up to par. But, embracing that God made me like I am for a reason has enabled me to change my focus. It allows me to know that who I am will allow me to fulfill God's perfect will for my life. All I have to do is have faith in the process.

I am reminded of John 20:24-29. Particularly were it states, "Don't be an unbeliever, but a believer...Those who believe without seeing are blessed."

I hope you peeps feel blessed today. God is good and if He can help me overcome my limitations - He can help you overcome yours.

Song of the day: Can Anybody Hear Me? by Meredith Andrews