Day 180 "Discouraged?"

I know it seems a bit bleak to follow a post called "Encouraged" by one that is titled "Discouraged" but it is the reality of the situation. The good news is, this isn't a negative post, but how God helped me through a particularly hard day.

The sky was gorgeous today. It was the perfect shade of blue and the green trees that impeded my viewpoint of it were equally spectacular. The combination of beauty and God's presence around me makes me attuned to His obvious work in my life. I am glad that on days like today where life has dealt a strange and almost unbearable hand to me and my family, I have the spiritual maturity to know that God is in control. But that doesn't mean I have not had to work at being aware of God today.

Against my character, I was so overwhelmed at one point that I had to reach out to a friend to pray for me. I am not afraid to ask for prayer when I need it, I am just not always as willing to show how desperately I may need it in particular moments. It isn't to often that I am brought to tears by one of my own emails, but forcing myself to share my life with someone in a moment of discouragement helped me reaffirm my belief in the fact that God is in control. Today I think I just reached that breaking point we all have that brings us face down in front of God declaring our willingness to remain in the fight or leave it (For me this has been at least a once a week thing the last few months). Today, I choose to keep fighting. I choose to remain in Him, just like 1 John 2:24-27 encourages me to do:

What you have heard from the beginning must REMAIN in you. If what you have heard from the beginning REMAINS in you, then you will REMAIN in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that He Himself made to us: eternal life. I have written these things to you about those who are trying to deceive you. The anointing you received from Him REMAINS in you, and you don't need anyone to teach you. Instead, His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie; just as it has taught you, REMAIN in Him.

What brings me to the bottom today is the combination of lack of security in my life, politics in ministry, an awareness of people's unwillingness to walk by faith and not by sight and a general full blown spiritual attack by the enemy. In general, if these things just affect my life individually - with God I am able to find a way to somehow push passed the detrimental affects of it. But, when it is all at once and it spreads and I see it hurting the ones I love, it brings me to my knees. I recognize this all culminates into the fact that the enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy desires to get me to once again question my call to work in the ministry. Trust me, over the years I have had many reasons to not pursue my calling, but I never ceased to be amazed at how many opportunities life provides for us to just give up and be neutralized as one of Gods chosen.

I am reminded of a sermon by Jerry Falwell entitled, God of All Encouragement. I go to this message often and it is based on 2 Corinthians 1:2-4:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort [or encouragement]. He comforts us in all our affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

There are many helpful parts to this message. One thing is in particular is the affirmation that discouragement is natural, but that perpetual discouragement, which can also be characterized as depression is where the battle is lost for us. Falwell encourages us to remember that we are only as great as the thing that causes us to quit. He reminds me of the fact that God can not use a discouraged person in ministry. To overcome, we must be persistent and understand that life is not fair, but God has a plan. Rejection is unbearable, but we can't let it defeat us. We must be committed to never quit and remember that the life that pleases God is often painful and difficult. We need to go from one failure to the next with undiminished enthusiasm.

It is also pertinent that God has me studying the life of David with my mentor. I am nearing the end of my journey in A Heart Like His, but nonetheless God pointed me to something in particular today:

We do not know every fact about every event in Scripture. We don't always have the explanations for certain events and acts of God. He is sovereign. He owes us no explanation. He purposes us to walk by faith and not sight (245).

With regards to context she is talking about wrapping our minds around the unexplainable and hard to understand events in the Bible. But today, God reminds me that the same is true in life I may not get it, but that is OK. His purpose is for me to walk by faith and not by sight.

To get this point I allowed myself some down time. I went to the movies and watched two shows. I came home to my quiet place - and just had another downright Jesus Moment with God. I poured it out and He came down and meet with me. He is faithful that way and I am so grateful for that. I can't say I don't still have some concerns, but I can say I know He is working it all for His good.

Well, thanks for spending this time with me today. I hope you are able to see God around you despite the fact that your life circumstances may suggest otherwise.

Blessings Peeps!

Song of the Day: My Deliverer by Mandisa

Day 179 "Encouraged"

It occurred to me that many things right now in my life could be considered alarming, but God is providing me with a steady stream of encouragement to keep me from becoming stagnant in life. God has allowed me many opportunities in life to stay calm during scary crazy big changes - it's the little things that usually get me. God must of known about a few tedious little items on the list for me right now b/c I was blessed with two conversations that really reminded me that God's got my back during this time in my life. All that said, God is continuing to remind me to keep my conduct in check and my mission in mind during my quiet time with Him - today through the life of Paul and his letter to the church in Thessalonica:

As you know, we were emboldened by our God to speak the gospel of God to you in spite of great opposition. For our exhortation didn't come from error or impurity or an intent to deceive. Instead, just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please men, but rather God, who examines our hearts. (1 Thess 2:2-4)

I suppose the reason this speaks to me today is because it affirms my purpose. Though I am in an uncertain time in my life, I am not without purpose. God is giving me boldness and encouraging me to spread His gospel in a unique way through a project He has me working on. Even though this project both terrifies me and invigorates me, I am reminded that I must also work to keep my heart in check so that my exhortations both in life today and in the future are coming from a pure place in my heart. In all my earthly service, I am to work to please God who is the only one who can examine the intent of my heart.

With regards to my mentor moment, I was challenged by a few questions in a chapter of a Heart Like His:

Are you actively building a history with God? Can you readily say that the two of you have done lots of living together since your salvation? Have you allowed Him to reveal Himself to you in the many experiences of life? (242)

I do believe I am actively building a history with God. I don't know if it is because I am getting older or what, but I am starting to see more of a complete picture with regards to my experiences. Being able to look back and see how God worked is really what gives me the confidence to know that what I am going through now will make sense at some point in my future.

I think God and I have done lots of living together. But I think only recently have I allowed Him to start revealing Himself to me through my various experiences. I don't mean that I haven't learned more about God through living my life, but rather somehow God has given me new insight as to how my experiences thus far really do work together to make me a more well-rounded whole. No doubt, I am seeing but a glimmer into God's overall picture - but better a glimmer than nothing I say :O) I like these questions posed by my mentor - they are a good way for me to stay in check as I make decisions. In the coming weeks I will no doubt have to make some decisions regarding my life path, but now I have this fresh reminder to build a history with God and not with myself. I want to be more perceptive and discerning in my efforts to do this "active living with God" she is talking about here. If you know me - that is the ultimate goal - I want to know how to go deeper and to be more sold-out to who God desires me to be.

Anyway, all of this is a bit of a ramble but I hope the questions challenge you too - if not I chalk it up to a tired mind :O) Life is good though. God is with my health and in my mind continuously - so I can't complain. Looking forward to new revelations tomorrow. Peace out peeps.

Day 178 "Perfect Timing"

So, I am still struggling with any kind of normal sleep pattern. I have no idea what is going on, but I do know God is up to something. I feel relaxed and calm and at peace, but yet not really rested. It is so WEIRD. Oh well, I suppose that is how people feel when God has them waiting.

My dad took me out for golf today. We thought it would be relaxing and fun. It was except for the fact that it kind of felt like we were playing inside an oven. I don't think the heat would have got us, but the humidity was like nothing I ever felt. I couldn't breath and felt pretty confident by the end of the game I was going to suffocate or pass out from heat stroke. We felt like old people LOL and I totally got sunburned. Somehow though, I still felt relaxed at the end - go figure :O)

I suppose I needed the time for my mind to rest. It is an indescribable feeling being in the middle of a hold pattern with God. Even though I've been there many times before, I still don't understand it. I am normally a very driven and focused person when it comes to working, but right now I just kind of feel lazy because I have spare time on my hands. I believe God is teaching me about balance - showing me the importance of rest. I am still not sure what He is teaching me through this time period, but I do know He is teaching me. Today in particular (Colossians 1:2-3):

I want their hearts to be encouraged and joined together in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding, and have the knowledge of God's mystery - Christ. In Him all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden.

It reminds me not only to be encouraged during this confusing time, but also about the possibility of possessing an assured understanding. What I know about God thus far is that if we seek Him, He will allow us to find Him. To attain this wisdom we must seek Him and know that through our knowledge of Christ we will better understand Him. And, it leads me to my mentor moment with BM today:

Satan is the counterfeit god of perfect timing. He's watching for just the right moment to pull the rug out from under us, but even that rug is under God's feet. And, God always has victory in mind! He will never allow Satan to discourage you without a plan to lead you to victory! We may not always follow Christ to victory, but He is always leading! "Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him" (2 Cor 2:14). One of the most important truths we can apply from David's ongoing battles with the Philistines is that God will always lead us to victory - but He will lead us His way. - Beth Moore, A Heart Like His (237).

Though for now, I choose to spare the details - Satan is at work trying to discourage me. I am grateful that God allows us a way out of tempting circumstances - that came in handy for me today. I am having old enemies reappear in my life and it seems harder and harder to resist. Simultaneously, God is giving me the encouragement I need to keep heading in His direction - for that I am eternally grateful. Also, I may not get why God wanted me to play golf with my dad and simply spend alone time with Him in Bible Study, but I can know He is at work in my life via His perfect timing.

I am reminded that in God's timing a 1000 days can be like an hour. So maybe I am just caught up in one of God's nano seconds. Either way, I'm just keeping my eyes peeled for His open doors - till then - I'll keep trying to get back into a normal sleep pattern :O)

Blessings to you peeps!

Day 177 "Naps"

Have you ever noticed that Sundays are often the best days for naps? I HAVE. I seem to always sleep the best on Sunday's after church. I don't know if it has anything to do with Sabbath rest or not and I can't prove it statistically, but I hoping somebody is with me on sleeping is always better on Sundays :O)

Today was an especially good day at church. I had a fun time leading worship & the sermon was like written for me I think :O) We are working through Ephesians. We are on Chapter 3. We looked into Paul's calling, purpose, and prayer. His methods were paralleled to our current callings in life. Like Paul we are called. He received revelation and worked to repeatedly recollect that which God spoke to Him. His purpose was to reveal the mystery, fulfill God's eternal purpose, and to keep the church from losing heart. This especially spoke to me as I have been working to better understand my call to the ministry. God simply expects me to give myself fully as I work to reveal the mystery, which is the truth of Jesus and the gospel. Paul feared nothing b/c he knew his purpose and understood that nothing can hurt us unless God allows it. In Paul's prayer, he prays that we will be strengthened and that Christ will dwell in our hearts so that we can know the depth of Christ's love.

Anyway, I don't do justice to the chapter in this brief summary - the point is that it really got me thinking about the extent of Paul's life - how extreme he was as he served. He was beaten, ridiculed and imprisoned an almost innumerable amount of times. Yet, he continued to press on...continued to serve. His best letters of the Bible were written from jail cells in ridiculous conditions. The people of his day tried to beat him down and keep him quiet. But now, God has used his work and it has impacted a countless number of people through his part of our Bible. Mano. I am dumbstruck at his guts and his integrity. Do I possess that amount of inner strength to push forward in my calling? I hope so. I know God will provide, I just hope that I live a life of integrity worthy of such a gift of this kind of strength and courage.

Anyway, that's my Sunday contribution for the week. I hope you were able to have the best nap ever like I had today :O) Best verse for me?

Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think - according to the power that works in you - to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen

I love the progression of seeing how God is able and able to do infinitely more than we can comprehend and imagine.

Song of the Day: Open Me by Shawn McDonald

Day 176 "Sideways"

If I don't find the time to be disciplined enough to get caught up with this blog...I will soon have more unposted days than posted. Life has not been conducive for me to have a place to post, but thankfully I've been keeping up with my progress old school. BUT, tonight I have to put out something. Bugs are swarming me right now - so I won't be able to last long or get caught up significantly with my blog - but even a small effort regarding this project makes me feel better :O)

I kind of feel like right now I am living my life sideways. I know that is a crazy thing to write, but it is the only way I know how to describe how I am feeling. I am not going backwards, but I am not exactly moving forwards. I am not sitting still doing nothing, but I can't say that I feel like I am accomplishing anything. There is no doubt God has me waiting, but waiting for what? I have workaholic tendencies. Beyond that, I have a deep seeded need to feel like I am contributing positively to the world in which I live. As much as I love all the free time I have had these last few weeks to play golf, study and watch movies....I can't say it feels right just waiting around sort of doing nothing. Yet, I kind of feel like I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing - it is the strangest sensation.

The reality is, I am working on writing up a ministry concept that God has given me. It excites me to be involved in this and it is the only thing getting me through each day. If I am going to be completely honest... working on it kind of overwhelms me - I have to take a lot of breaks from it. It's almost like working on my thesis, I know God has me writing for a reason...but the reason is not terribly clear. I am just working to remain faithful and focused on God through it. He is giving me motivation to keep moving forward, but not being exactly forthright with how.

The hardest part for me right now is that I am virtually alone. Since graduation face time with people has been limited. I have found myself carrying on about life with complete strangers. I don't want to become that person in the Starbucks line over-sharing with a barista LOL - I need to find me some friends fast!!!

I am equally introverted and extroverted...but the party in me is struggling with all this alone time. I am acutely aware that not only am I waiting, not only am I pretty much alone and for the most part jobless - I am also without anyone to pour my life into. I've asked God to make me sold out and completely dependent on Him, I didn't realize that part of the affect of that would be me living life for a time in my own little bubble completely alone for all intents and purposes. It's just me, my Bible and my iPhone. The only contact I have with people is the contact I make and for a people person whose main love language is quality time - you can see that I am about at my wits end. I don't even have internet to fake people time with social networking LOL. God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.

The good news is, my mind is with me. I will admit to being confused by my situation, but I am still full of passion for living. Though I wish I had the money I needed and people to live life with - I can say from the bottom of my gut that I am peaceful and content. It's like God is showing me what I want and what I had and showing me what life is like without it all. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to really live life completely for God....what it means to be called to the ministry. I almost feel like God is giving me the opportunity to feel invisible so that I know His attention is the only attention that matters. It brings Colossians 3:2-3 alive for me as well:

Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with the Messiah in God. When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

I can't wait for heaven. I JUST CAN'T WAIT. Till then, I'm just working to wrap my mind around God's will for my life. To really die to myself, I do suppose it is appropriate to not live life in the framework I have created thus far. It's about saying, "I trust you God," despite the confusing feelings swirling around inside me. It is about working to forget how I feel and focus on what God is telling me to do. It's about not letting the past discourage me or the future scare me. And, for now, it means discerning what it means to live a life of ministry.

Of course for me, that always leads me to thinking about my future BFF BM. What is her role in all this anyway? Best I can figure for now she is motivation for me to be my best. AS I was mowing my parents lawn for them today, my mentor moment came as I was praying for her and the people who most recently went through one of her LPL events. Thinking on her life and who she used to be and who she is now makes me aware of the power God has to work in our lives. Despite her giftedness, it has to be hard to do what she does sometimes. But seeing her willingness to push forth despite all the reasons I am sure she has to quit, enables me to believe in who God desires me to be. Her genuine love for people is evident. I relate to her ability to love and serve people she has never met. I am driven by God to do the same with my life - it is how I know we are meant to be BFF :O) LOL.

Anyway.... I suppose this is it today. My mind is just full of thoughts that I am working to sort through...But let me close with a bit more from Colossians 3:12-17 because it is fresh on my heart:

Therefore, God's chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive. Above all, put on love - the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of the Messiah, to which you were also called in one body, control your hearts. Be thankful. Let the message about the Messiah dwell richly among you, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, and singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, with gratitude in your hearts to God. And, whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Amen. I am glad we are chosen aren't you? I pray if you come across my blog today that you know that I have said a prayer for you. I wish you the best and hope that God is making Himself real to you as He is making Himself to me. Later peeps.

Day 170 "Fathers Day"

Here I am again in the midst of pure sweet internet bliss - even if only for a minute. I wish you could be with me right this moment. There is something so unique and absolutely wonderful about being in a church building in the presence of God before the people arrive and services begin. The feeling is nothing short of glorious and I really am able to wrap my mind, body and soul around God's sweet love and the stillness and peace which abounds when He is around. There is something even more wonderful about making a sound system work in all of it's bass blasting goodness. Some mornings, like today, I blast Travis Cottrell (particularly Victory in Jesus) so that I can be transported back to the amazing time I have with he and my BFF at Living Proof Live.

My mind is on my Dad today. I am doubly blessed to have both an earthly father and heavenly father who I adore completely. I am more grateful that God allows me to be aware of how good I have it on days like today. I pray these same feelings abound for you. Even if you earthly father has not been what you desire Him to be - remember that God is there to provide for all of you who feel you lack on days like today. Trust me, I've been there feeling incomplete in one way or another. Thankfully, God has taught me how to let Him be my everything.

This week should prove to be an interesting one. I pray that by this time next week I will have good news to report to you. For now, my heart is inclined to reference the verse that drives my future BFF's ministry and a couple extra:

For the word of God is living and effective (active) and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart. No creature is hidden from Him, but all things are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account. (Hebrews 4:12-13)

Deep stuff. But a clear reminder of how God's Word is intended to affect our lives. Seems fitting to be reminded of this right before a sermon :O)

Have a blessed day peeps!

Day 166 "I Need Direction"

I am continuing on in my process to serve my parents. I don't have much else to add to this blog about my life today, but my mentor moment pretty much wraps up where I am. In A Heart Like His in a chapter entitled "Settling Down," God used it to give me some sage advice to accompany the other things He taught me today.

Did you notice that David kept asking until he had a specific answer from God? He did not want general directions. He wanted God's exact will for his life. David wasn't interested in simply getting to the throne. He wanted to get to the throne God's way (126).

I think I am drawn to this today for several reasons. First and foremost is that I have a deep desire for God to get downright specific with me. Being done with school and in need of a job is a vulnerable place to be. Especially since the only thing I want to do is work in the ministry. But, I suspect a little more time of service is in order before God allows me to do that full time. If I could do anything, I would pour myself into the study of becoming a better speaker and teacher by observing people I think do it the best. I know that is not a job, so for now I will just call that my hobby. Ultimately, I want to get to where God wants me to be "His Way." Which leads me to the next quote:

I'm learning to be more patient and to allow God to be more specific if He wishes. No matter how long we may wait for direction, we are wise to ask before we advance (126).

This is affirmation for me to continue to wait. I am on the edge of my seat with anticipation and readiness to get in the game and start working. But, unlike times in my past, I know I need to be more patient. I believe God is teaching me to let Him be more specific with me. So, I will adhere to the sage advice of my mentor which is a four step decision making process:

1. I acknowledge my specific need for direction
2. I continue to pray daily and study His Word
3. I ask Him to help me recognize His answer
4. I ask confirmation if I have a doubt.

There are two jobs I really want. Both doors are "cracked" open. I don't know what will happen with them, but I do know that if the doors do open - I need to process them via this method. A lot to think about. OK. I am going to peace out for now :O)

Later peeps.

Day 165 "To Read or Not To Read"

Hmm. The sleepless nights continue! At this point, I am really starting to take it seriously. What can I do to be more productive with this time? So, instead of incessant TV watching during these late hours - I am working to get back to my reading. I'm still just "trying to fly the plane" but doing my best to go to the instruments I have at my disposal, especially God's Word. Also, I am continuing in my A Heart Like His journey. Though I am not as proficient into the wee hours of the morning one cool thing stood out to me today:

Without a doubt, the most precious and painful times I have had in this Christian experience were times when I realized I was all alone with God. Such times forge an unforgettable, inseparable bond. Don't miss the opportunity. I am convinced that God sometimes stays the encouragement of others purposely so we will learn to find Him (116).

Amen to that. I concur that these times are precious. But in the moment, like now, it can be a little difficult. This encouragement to stay strong and enjoy the alone time is pleasing to my heart and soul. The good news is I can rejoice in the deepening bond between God and I. I do feel it - a deeper connectedness developing. I suppose what I am experiencing is just not knowing how to process it.

The good news is, God is giving me peace through this. He has reminded me of how serving others often makes me feel better. And, since I am still on house sitting duty - I have decided to do somethings around the house for my parents. It is so great just to be able to serve and honor them as I can. I haven't always had the opportunity to live near them - so I am just working to make the most of it while God allows it. That is how I spent my day today - just cleaning. I realize I talk a lot about cleaning lately - it is how I cope with stress I guess ;O) I am fine with a mess, but I also know it is good for me to stay busy.

So. I guess. Onward with my God bonding, serving by cleaning and reading till I pass out! :O)

My dad will be home in a few days. It will be nice to have someone to visit with. Bye peeps.

Day 164 "Minutes"

I am completely embarrassed that I am so behind on my postings. I just finished getting the worship service ready and I had a couple of minutes to write a quick post. God has been blowing my mind all week. He is so awesome I can't even contain myself. I am sorry I haven't been able to share with you - but for all intents and purposes I am stranded in the world of no internet. When I do have it - well, not for long. And, as much as I believe my iPhone can do anything - typing out blogger posts is not one of those things that can be done easily :O) (Though this new iPhone coming out might could do a better job LOL).

So, I just wanted to share a quick word with you. It's from 2 Peter 1:3:

For His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.

Woah. I don't know about you, but I love knowing and having the fresh reminder that we have everything we need to be successful in this life. All we have to do is increase our knowledge in Him! It seems to good to be true. But trust me - it is. Anyway, read 2 Peter - God has made it so real to me. So much in fact that once I write up the rest of my posts from the last few weeks you will likely see good parts of it coming alive.

I love hearing straight from God. God is so refreshing to me. And this is a wonderful word as I pursue God's next steps for my life. My aunt is convinced I should apply to work with my future BFF BM. She has about convinced me LOL, but me, I am just not that sure of myself. Nonetheless, it's an exciting time. God is clearly working in my life and that is just how I like it.

OK. I must get going - service will start any minute! I have to get ready to get my praise and worship groove on! Well, you know Sunday's I take a break from "mentor moments." But, the day is not over and you never know what will happen.

Have a great day peeps. May God blow your mind and bless you beyond all imagination!

_____

Update: I am almost caught up with my postings! At least for the month of June :O)

Day 163 "Flying the Plane"

Wow. I don't feel like writing today :O) I am doing well, just don't have a lot to say. I had a really annoying encounter with a friend today & it tends to be a total bubble buster when I am involved in conflict. Conflict is a part of life, but it affects me some days more than others. My heart breaks, even if I am right. It breaks more when I wrong. But today, it breaks b/c a friend of mine is just so clearly having a hard time in life and it is making it hard to continue on normally.

But, BM came through in her blog for me today with her memory verse:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude....

Yep. I know I just need to love my friend anyway. That is what God does for me right? It is so hard sometimes. Oh well, I'll keep after it. But for today I will leave it at this.

Life is spinning out of control a bit today. My parents gave me some disconcerting news. I am still not sleeping right. I am trying to organize my life - wondering if I should be packing. I am just working to cling to God until I'm sorted out. All while I feel like I am having a hard time knowing what to do with my time. I guess you could say, I'm flying the plane but I don't know whether I am upside down, crooked, or about to crash b/c my inner instruments are out of whack b/c I am so tired. Plus, I have to pull myself together before church b/c I have to lead worship on a bigger scale than usual. My God is big. New Hope comes in the morning....

All right peeps, here's to loving better. :0)

Day 162 "Possibilities"

My spirit is so overjoyed right now! I am just so happy. I feel like life is really coming together! Oh - my soul is so alive with the possibility of a new job, which I think would be an awesome opportunity. But, even if this is not the Lord's will...that means that there is something even better ahead!! So, I am definitely on the up and up today. My enthusiasm is hard to suppress, but I am working on it :O)

Today was a good day. I didn't do a whole lot, but I did my chicken farmer duties and then went to Wal-mart to buy myself a new planner. I am a total nerd. I never plan to far in the future and I change my plans often, but I really like to have a new planner at the new phase of life or a new journal, which ever seems more appropriate. Then, I chilled with my mini-BFF's today and thinking of moving out of my apartment at the end of the month? I don't know, we will see how life goes...

You know, I am also thinking a lot about the power of others to influence my life. As I read about the story of David in A Heart Like His, I am so interested in God's ability to prepare us for service. God is always willing to teach us more if we are willing to expose ourselves to people who are doing what we want to be doing in our hearts and minds. I also like this quote:

He knows when you're almost ready to give up or give in. Keep telling Him. Stat in His Word. Keep claiming His promises (109).

I know I am excited about life today, but I also know right now emotionally I am on a rollercoaster ride of my life!!! I seek to cling to this tid-bit and whether I am crying or laughing in the coming days - I hope to remember to cling to Him, especially when the desire to give up seems like my only way out.

I am not much for writing today, but there it is for now :O)

Have a great day!

Day 161 "Waiting"

So, I am fully aware that God has me waiting. It's cool. Not easy, but cool. I kind of feel like I am running on a hamster wheel though :O)

Today, I am excited to have the first job prospect present itself. I am anxious to see how it works out! Also today, God has had me share my ministry concept with a couple of people. This is exciting for me as well because it is a risk putting my ideas out there for "criticism." That's all right, working for God is about taking risks and this is just part of His plan for me right now. And, God is working on bring 2 Peter alive to me.

One cool that happened to me today was I said a prayer asking God to speak to me regarding a job opportunity and then as soon as I said Amen - the phone rang. That was quick eh? Anyway, spent some time researching the possibility of it and ended up making a new friend. I don't know if it will work out, but the opportunity for change invigorates me.

Life was all over the place today. It was interesting. Saw a friend - poor thing is in a mess. Talked to my baby cousin - loved that. Tried to do a BBQ for myself - failed b/c of charcoal problems and ended up using the Forman: SO NOT THE SAME!!! Cleaned and then got down to my mentor moment.

She got me going with Psalm 63:

Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirst for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land were there is no water.

What an outcry of my heart right now. I literally do not have any solid Christian people around me. Gosh. I can't explain how rough that is on me. I am seriously considering moving so that I can make friends who will edify me as I work to serve.

OK - onto a good tidbit that helped to get me going and thinking in the right direction:

If you are willing to honor a person out of respect for God, you can be assured that God will honor you. (99)

After my day it kind of took a moment to sink in. But I regard it as sage advice. It also hits home because I am trying to figure out how to handle a certain situation with a friend. I can't really explain the details to be fair to the situation, but I do think it would be best if I tried to honor her out of respect for God despite my disagreement with the choices she is making. Hmm. All right, I am seriously ADD today - so I am going to have to get going....

Later peeps.

Day 160 "Late NIghts & Desperation"

My increasing later nights are leading to increasing later "mornings." Another heavy night of dreaming. I never really remember my dreams, but I kind of woke in the middle of one today and I was robbing a bank. Say what? I know, I was totally confused and kind of wish I knew more than that so I could understand the context. So, to cope with my apparent need for thievery LOL - I baked some blueberry muffins. Oh, they turned out soooo good. I love me a good blueberry muffin :O)

Once they were done I watched the BFF on LifeToday with James & Betty Robinson. I know I'm not the only one in the free world who gets a word here and there from Beth, but gee wiz I am aware of what God is telling me through her. Last night I was all about begging God in depseration to make me fully His. This morning, I wake up and get to here BM talking about the the only thing we should be desperate for is God. And, that this desperation is a gift. Say what? Did she just....was she just listening in on my prayers again...I had to put down my blueberry muffin and rewind it to make sure I heard right.

After the shock of the moment wore off and I realized that God was confirming my concern over the depth of my desire for Him in my life right now I just sat there kind of amazed. The thing I liked most was the fact that she said in her life God restored her dignity. I think God is in the process of doing that with me. Learning to be secure is part of this. Day by day I believe it will be more true. If BM can get there, there is hope that God will help me get there as well.

On another note, I am still really enjoying my journey through Exodus. My obsession in reading it this time is circling every mention of God. Woah. My whole Bible is now blue it seems - He is all over that book! The Israelites are kind of getting on my nerves though if I am to be completely honest. To have the signs and wonders and then complain??? Really? If I saw a pillar of fire just floating in front of me - would I have the audacity to doubt God? Probably, I am human. But my goodness!!!! Am I right?

God has also reminded me to rest - pertinent to me since I am soooo not resting right now:

How long will you refuse to keep My commands and instructions....understand the Lord has given you Sabbath. EX 16:28-29

This stands out for two reasons. One, I don't want to be annoying like the Israelites and ignore God's instruction. Two, I need to remember to be more receptive to times of Sabbath with God.

And then, there was this bit about "The Lord is My Banner" (17:15), where Moses built and titled an alter to God as this. It was a sign to God of gratefulness for the work He did to help them win a war. Personally, I want my life to be this. I want people to look at my life and see the wars and the journeys and know that the lord has been my banner too.

And then, there are tons of examples of Moses "crying out." This is reassuring to me for so many reasons. Especially since in recent weeks I have done a lot of crying out myself :O) I just like knowing and seeing that God hears Him and answers Him because it means He will do the same for me.

And then God said, "I will test them to see whether they follow my instructions." Well, I all ready told you they were annoying so of course they didn't. But I like knowing that God is serious about knowing whether or not we are really committed to Him. I don't mind that He likes to see if we are truly listening. I've spent 20 years trying to hone this skill - I can't say I am great at it - but I am reminded that it is a process.

And then, "If you will carefully obey the Lord Your God, do what is right in His eyes, pay attention to His commands, and keep all His statues, I will not inflict illness on You like the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you" (15:26). There is so much that can be taken from this, but I like the encouragement to keep focused on God. More than that I like knowin that God is the God who heals. Amen. Amen.

OK, my last "and then": "Don't be afraid. Stand firm and see the Lord's salvation He will provide for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you must be quiet" (14:13-14). WOAH. Amazing right? There is so much power here. Don't be afraid. Be still. Stand firm. I love that the command is to be quiet and let God do the work. isn't that what He is telling me know through "Be Still and Get Ready?" Amazing.

Overall, I have been pretty laid back today. I did get some things accomplished, but it is a rainy day and I am usually not as productive. All in all I am aware of the world around me. I see them partying and carrying on. But at what cost? I've dabbled here and there in it and it has done its damage and I am not apt and ready for more. I suppose I just really want to be on God's side at the end of the day don't you?

Anyway, I really like this desperate for God concept. Tonight as I was praying I increased my prayers about it. God came down and met with me. So much in fact I couldn't even speak. He didn't either. We kind of just sat and were still together. It was cool, but I don't know how to really describe it.

OK peeps. Hope you are desperate for God too!

Song of the Day: Yearn by Shane and Shane

Day 159 "Smack Dab"

Whew. So, I am dreaming like crazy these last few days. I wish I knew what my brain is working so hard to figure out! All I know is it is causing me to wake up not feeling rested. I didn't dilly dally around my house today. I got dressed and went straight over to be a house sitter today. Before I got to work at my parents house I attended a webcast on dealing with crisis in ministry, especially miscarriage, adoption and infertility. I have not personally dealt with these issues, but I sense God wanting to prepare my heart about it - weird but true facts by April :O) I found it very informative and was encouraged by the women's faith portrayed as they shared their stories.

So, I got an interesting email today about a possible job opportunity in VA. Hmm. We will see how it goes.

I had another heart to heart with God tonight. I seem to be crying and praying a lot lately. Hmm. This is weird for me, but I am going with it. I'm just grateful to have to opportunity to be super focused on God. I'm really not so much a wreck, it just seems that I am super desperate to be as close to God as possible. Honestly, I have never wanted to serve Him more. I want Him to mold me into the person I am supposed to be - so I can serve Him in ways I cannot perceive.

I don't know. I just get that God is the only thing worth living for. I don't understand why more people don't feel that way. I'm not perfect. I know that. But I really want to do my best to become who I should be. I want to live knowing full well I am smack dab in the middle of God's will. It is something to strive for anyway. I can't wait to see where God will place me in the coming weeks - though there is a lot of uncertainty about it - I have a good feeling God is going to make me happier than ever.

Anyway, so in my mentor time I was in a chapter of A Heart Like His entitled "Count Your Blessings." I was reminded of the importance of inquiring of the Lord when we need a Word from Him regarding our lives. I want my heart to chase hard and fast after God, and David is a good example for me. One bit of encouragement:

David's example reminds us that doubting God and doubting we understood God are two different things....David did not ask God a second time because he doubted God, but because He needed to be certain (92)

This is good for me to know because sometimes I wonder if I question God in an improper way. I get the difference here. I see that some matters of the heart need a bit more confirmation so that we can make sure we are walking in God's will and not our own. I also picked up on the fact that we sometimes need some to be a minister of encouragement in our life. I have someone who is encouraging me right now in life. I try not to wrap myself up into needing that encouragement, but I can say this friend does more for me right now than she probably realizes, I am just working so hard to make sure I don't get on her nerves - ever been there? But anyway, in life it's the little words that keep me focused and driven to seek God's intended best for my life.

The last bit for today was:

Counting our blessings when we are betrayed, wrongly accused, and hunted by ruthless me is different kind of worship than counting our blessings in the safety of Sunday worship. David responded to his helpless estate by giving a freewill offering to God in proportion to HIs blessings (94).

This is hard to do. I am not being hunted down right now, but I have experience the feeling before and I am confident I will experience it again. But even right now, as my heart is a vulnerable state - my worship with God in the quiet place of my home is just different. I am glad we are able to relate to God in a multifaceted way. This reminder to count my blessings is a positive way to stay focused.

OK. I better get going. Talk to you soon peeps.

Day 158 "Inspired"

I love when God takes time to inspire me. I woke up and soon ended up watching a message from Kerry Shook, pastor of Woodlands Church in Houston, TX. I was drawn to it because a mission team from his church came to work with us here in New England once. But anyway, what struck me was the fact that his message was about discerning whether or not a dream you have is from God or not.

Clearly, this is relevant to my life right now because I am working to discern whether or not this vision I am whole heartedly pursuing is of me or of God. But Shook noted that a dream from God serves others and it blesses the body of Christ. For me, this serves as affirmation to the work God is asking me to do because the whole point and premise of it is to serve others. And, I believe if it bears fruit one day it will bless the body of Christ. Honestly, I am just trying to let myself get in the way of the process.

The whole point of what I feel like God is doing in my life is getting me to the point where I can effectively serve others. But like Joseph (the one who ended up as Pharaoh in Egypt), God is taking time to prepare me to serve. In His time, He will place me where I should be. (PS - I don't think that is Pharaoh in Egypt :O) )

Additionally, I am have been reading Exodus. This is a killer book of the Bible. God is using it to awaken my spirit in a whole new way. I had some time to think on it as I played golf today. One verse in particular stands out to me right now, Exodus 18:18:

You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you. You can't do it alone.

This is applicable to my life right now. I can't even properly grasp in how many ways, but one thing it lets me know is that I must remember that if God does decide to help me grow this ministry concept that I am working on - I must remember that I can not do it alone. In the verses that follow God clearly sets up a plan for Moses to handle what is ahead. And it ends with

If you do this, and God so directs you, you will be able to endure, and also these people will be able to go home satisfied.

Woah. Pretty cool right? That God is so forthright in giving us the tools we need to accomplish His work? Anyway, all this time in Exodus in these last days has reminded me of God's power and His willingness to give us super natural ability to accomplish His task. I really relate to Aaron - He was probably overwhelmed a bit to speak like He did, but willing to go and do what God said nonetheless.

To conclude this day, my mentor moment is straight to the point and straight to the heart (from A Heart Like His):

Keep having faith even in the face of unexplainable evil or disaster. You will be richly rewarded for your faith even when others have scorned you for still believing. God is the only hope in this depraved world. He is faithful who promised (90).

Again, God seems to be preparing me for battle or at least to be able to deal with hardship. Hmm. I wonder what is coming.....

I had a great day today, I hope you did too. Peace out for now peeps.

Song of the Day: Do It Lord by Travis Cottrell

Day 157 "Moving Forward"

Sunday again...No BM in my life today.

OK, with my parents being gone I have to fill a bigger leadership role at church. Well, I am OK with it because I want to do what God wants me to do. But, it still feels weird having all the people look to me for direction. It's good in the hood right?

Today, I have felt blessed. I feel God's hand on me. He is answering my prayers. I am revealing in what the tiniest bit of encouragement does for my soul. God is giving me reminders that He loves me enough to speak through others - that does wonders for my soul. It gives me strength to pick myself up and keep moving forward.

You know, I never have claimed to be perfect. I really know hat I have been spared many emotional scares in life because I am naive to an extent and have a generally good outlook on life. But that doesn't mean I don't carry my battle scares. I am working to let God shine the light on those dark spots so I can be sure I am healed inside and out: body, soul, mind and spirit. Innocence can't really be regained, but I sincerely look forward to God's continuing efforts to refine me. He has a long way to go I suspect. But, I am ready to move forward whole as I strive to be obedient to His directives for my life.

He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body, by the power that enables Him to subject everything to Himself. Philippians 3:21

Um...can't wait for that!!!

Bye peeps.

Day 156 "Build Me Up"

I find God to be pretty incredible. Sitting here, I am completely aware of the Fact that God is in complete and utter control of our life. He doesn't test us - but He does provide us with opportunities to learn perseverance and to deepen our faith.

I think being called by Him requires an emptying of self that is beyond comprehension. I believe He allows us to get to our bottom - so He can continue to build us up. Everyone I know in ministry seems to go through this bottoming out process. Some don't survive - Some do. I want to be one that survives. I think most would agree they turn out better for it in the end.

My heart is especially aware of people around me who are unwilling to let God be in control of their life. I just don't get this. I can't wrap my mind around it. I know I am not successful every day in pursing God's will. But ultimately, that is what I am striving for - consistency with that. It is just painful for me to watch others suffer when for the most part you know there lives could be better if they would just obey God.

We all make mistakes. I went through a period of brokenness and I didn't know I was out of God's will. I suppose I get it. I got sucked into a world of emptiness and darkness. I lost communion and oneness with God. I didn't know for a season that I even was living like that because I was still seeking God. But boy did I know when I was back on track! It was exhilarating feeling - so redeemed and forgiven and I have not soon forgotten that. But, I just don't get when Christians turn away from God and are like "whatever." Even in my darkest moments I am always turned toward God b/c I know that it better. I just don't know how to help friends who turn the other way. - Sigh.

That being said, I am having a good day today. I feel a load is off of me after sharing yesterday. I am still not over being sick. I don't know if my body was dehydrated or what. Overall, four plane rides and an 18hour day will have its affect on most people - I think.

While in Chicago, God really started speaking to me. He showed me an ability to I have to relate to strangers. I guess I never really noticed. But I can say that now that I think about it, I much rather commune with a stranger sometimes then a friend. You can pour yourself out without consequence. It's like a way to be vulnerable and test it out and see how people react, but either way no harm can come from just absolutely being yourself (unless your a jerk I guess ;O) ). I am shy really, but sometimes I am just overcome with this sense that I am just ready to be friends with anybody. It's like I am willing to give anybody a chance, which I am but sometimes to scared to do it. But, I don't always use this skill because sometimes my insecurities get the best of me. However, I hope God teaches me to use this skill to bring glory to Him. Anyway, onto my mentor moment and God blowing my mind.

After reading Ps 142 and more in A Heart Like His - BM gives six insights we can learn from this passage:

1. He prayed
2. He cried aloud
3. He poured out His complaint to God
4. He rehearsed his trust in God
5. He longed for God's presence
6. He confessed His desperate need

Woah. God has brought me through these six steps over and over this year. She also wrote:

His feelings were not an accurate assessment of truth - but they worthy to share with God. Feelings can be a little like laundry. Sometimes we can't sort them until we dump them out (81).

Mano. Good stuff right? With the amount of laundry I have put out before Him these last couple of months. I am glad at least one person in life is there to totally hear me out! Right or wrong, sometimes it just feels good to have someone listen. And, I agree it enables us to be able to sort it out.

David's example certainly demonstrates to us that our prayer lives need to be specific and personal (82).

Just the affirmation I need today...I have wondered if I bore God. I know I don't but I like being reminded that we can keep going to God in complete abandon. Well, I could right a ton more about all that is on my mind today, but I should end with the fact that BM pointed out that:

God had to bring David down to a lowly position b/4 He could raise him up and stand on solid ground.

My question, how often is He going to do this in my life :O) ?? Well, as much as it takes I suppose :O) Anything to spare me from being prideful I suppose :O) OK. I better get going....

Song of the Day: Freedom Song by Mandisa

Day 155 "God's in Control"

So right this moment I am sitting in Nashville talking to a man about how he just went on a tour in Nashville, TN to hear a bunch of different Southern Gospel singers. That takes me back to my childhood and going along with my parents - gameboy in tow - sitting in pews across the country. My parents were really into it. I can't say I have many on my iPod now, but I won't lie hearing that these people are still singing makes me feel a little sentimental. And, it makes me miss my parents a bit - I imagine they would be overjoyed to have done all that this man just did.

Anyway, so I am in Nashville just for the day. I just came down to visit with one of my new BFF's Chris Adams. Getting here was an ordeal, but completely worth it. We just visited for a few hours and I told her some ideas I had in mind regarding what God wants me to do with my life. It was such a blessing to visit with someone who shares my heart for ministry. Just to talk about all the crazy ideas God has put in my head and gain some affirmation - that is just a cool experience.

I have to tell you that this morning - I felt like I almost died. I was up last night getting my ideas together for this meeting today. Everything went great - God really spoke to me - I was totally jazzed about it. I tried to go to bed early b/c I was to leave for the airport at 4AM. Well, somehow - I wish I knew how - I slept through three alarms on my phone - THREE! I guess I was in REM or something - needless to say when at 540Am I became aware of the fact that I was still sleeping SHEER and UTTER panic set in. My flight was to leave at 615 - and I live 40 minutes from the airport. I asked God why He had let me oversleep?? I regretted that question immediately. Don't I know by now that He is in control? Well, my stuff was packed. I threw my jeans and shirt on - grabbed my back pack and was out the door by 5:50.

Like a terrorist on a mission - I kind of looked like one I might add (may even still at this moment :O) - I drove to the airport like the speed demon I naturally am and I arrived at the airport at 6:25A. Ran in there - there was a flight leaving for Nashville at 7:15 - wouldn't you know it arrived at 10 minutes before my original flight... well, they put me on standby & said their was little hope. During the time I seriously repented over questioning God's timing - I sat there - my heart sinking at the possibility of not making my trip - and I just said if it is your will let it be done. And then, at the last minute - the attendant came and gave me the very last seat on the plane. God amazes me.

He didn't stop there. I am a great flyer on average. But this morning, I got totally car sick/plane sick or whatever and nauseous and well I was sure I would die. Let's just say the the experience totally drained me. By the time I got to Nashville I could barely walk or keep my eyes open b/c my body had been through so much. But, I knew better than to question God about it like earlier - I knew He had ordained the trip with the timing of the flights and I was like - OK - I just asked for the strength to walk out of the airport and save face with my friend. I said simply - I don't have to feel good, just let me glorify you. Slowly but surely as I submitted to His will I came back to life. I throughly enjoyed my visit and now, I just feel excited to move forward on the task God has given me.

And, now I am starting to really wrap my mind around the verse He gave me last night from 2 Peter 1:3:

For His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.

Amen. I pray the Lord makes this real for me.

Well, I know there is not really a mentor moment wrapped up in this. But, I did give her a shout out in the meeting I had and gave her credit for inspiring me to be all I can be for God. That being said - the goal is to try and get caught up some on this bl0g.We will see how that goes - b/c I also totally want to take a nap right in the middle of the kidland that I am sitting in :O)

Hope you are having a great day peeps!

Day 154 "Pep-talk"

OK. A bit of a rough start today, but more sleep and onward to getting out of this funk. My mentor has my back today, so I am going to include more than usual in how it was used to help me today (from A Heart Like His):

Whenever you feel alone, rejected, or misunderstood, stand your situation up next's to Davids (50).

Yep. What I need. This is how the enemy is working to make me feel. He seems to do that to those He wants me discouraged.

David was comfortable enough with himself to say, "This just isn't me." (50)

We can learn from David that God has made us who we are, not who somebody else is (50).

Yep. This is what I need to do. I have been worried because I see all the reasons why according to the world's standards I am not fit to do this task at hand. Nor do I feel I have all the tools I know I need to do it well. But, at this point all I can do is recognize that I just need to be me and trust the rest will come together. For me, I just have to deal with the giant at hand, which opens the door for the next thing that spoke to me:

David's example teaches us some wonderful, practical truths we can use to deal with the giants in our lives. First, he illustrate what God's Word tells us - that we are loved, gifted and blessed. We can do anything through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13). Second, David reminds us to measure the size of our obstacles against the size of our God... Third, David shows us our need to acknowledge an active and living God in our lives. (51)

I loved how God is using this to get me jazzed up about life tonight. It is a well needed pep talk before my big day tomorrow. I don't know what will happen when I wake up in the morning, but I can know God is living and active and will be there to guide my steps tomorrow.

Our victory rests not on faith in our spirituality. Our victory rest on faith in our God. We're often intimidated in battle because we are uncertain of our faith. We must remember we don't stand in victory because of our faith. We stand in victory because of our God. Faith in faith is pointless. Faith in a living, active God moves mountains. He is alive. He is active. He wants to make you living proof. (51).

Well, I am off to see what I can pull together for tomorrow.

----

Update: I had a really productive time with the Lord. I can't say I am were I want to be. But, I am as ready as I can be at this point. Off for a few hours sleep before I am too the airport.

Day 153 "Anxiety"

A weird day today. Still totally happy, but like more anxious than ever. I am typically not anxious - or at least not typically aware of when I am anxious LOL. I know exactly what I am concerned about...FRIDAY. I am all over the place with how I feel about traveling to Nashville just so I can take some time to tell somebody how I feel about what God is doing in my life. Crazy right? But, I just know that is what God wants me to do.

I got in a serious nap today because it tends to help me be less anxious when I try and rest. And, I am vulnerable when I feel lonely. Tired and lonely is a deadly cocktail for me spiritually. This weird onset of discouragement make me think I might actually be onto something with what God is asking me to do. Maybe I am on the verge of doing something great for God and the enemy is coming at me full force. I hope that is the case because it means these feelings will pass if I stay focused on God. Maybe this is part of the battle God has been trying to get me ready for.

God has brought my aunt's conversation back to mind today. She believes that she sees God's presence in me growing and that I am meant to do great things. God uses people to tell me that from time to time. I have no idea what they see and God won't show me - so I guess I just will believe it is true. On days like today I just feel vacant inside. I hate that, it does not feel good. But I don't want the enemy to win, so I will trust that the encouragement God has given me these last few days is intended to help me today.

All I know is that I want to represent God well on Friday. I can't present His message as a depressed mess. God will get me there...He will make my thoughts clear. Gosh, it just feels like my heart is breaking. Honestly, I have nothing to cause this. I am like feeling right as rain except for the fact that I just sense this oppression around me.

Alas, this too shall pass. My BFF BM is there to guide me through today:

You see, if a person fears God, he or she has no reason to fear anything else. On the other hand, if a person does not fear God, then fear becomes a way of life (49).

This is true. As I work to deepen my relationship with God I have to make sure I respect Him properly. And trust He has got my back. It is why despite this awkward anxiety, I know that I must push forward. I fear the consequences of not doing what God is so clearly asking me to do. It reminds me of James 1:23-25:

Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like man looking at his own face in a mirror; for he looks at himself, goes way, and right war forgets what kind of man he was. But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer who acts - this person will be blessed in what he does.

So, I may not have accomplished much today, but I am deciding to push forward.

Peace out peeps.

Song of the Day: Broken Hallelujah by Mandisa

Day 152 "Super Blessed"

WOAH. WOAH. WOAH. Today was such a good day. I had a dream come true - though the reality of it is still sinking in. What? Well you might me thinking my BFF BM dropped by for a visit - but no - I just finished at the dentist and now most of my teeth concerns are in order - at least for a little while. My new smile is weird to look at. It's not perfect, but it is still pretty amazing.

I was so nervous before, but then God gave me peace. I really like this dentist. She is someone I would really like to be friends with. I can say that truthfully since I have been in her office like a bazillion times these last few weeks. But, for now, my work is done until I have the money to finish getting that rock star smile LOL. It's just really surreal. I can't wrap my mind around it. All in all, I just feel super blessed right now.

The rest of today I've just been taking care of my parents business. I am on house duty for them for the next three weeks. Which meant that I am now a Ebay selling professional, chicken farmer, and land owner LOL. So, I started to mow and then it rained. Great excuse for me to stop, eat a pizza and work on my blog. Anyway, just going to do 5K training and chill the rest of the day. So, before I go...my mentor moment :O)

Three quick things:

Be aware of decisions made on impulse (47). (yep, wish this would have came this morning - totally made at least one impulsive decision today after the dentist office)

Remember that only God has the right to call a fast (47). (yep, I've been tempted to give up things before when God wasn't asking me to. in this time of uncertainty - I need to remember this so I don't get to carried away with what God is wanting me to do).

God is for us in battle, not against us (47). (yep, I'm in a battle and I need to remember that I am not alone).

So, I am clearly to jazzed to sit and write a lot today - but I feel blessed to feel sooooooo happy. And, I am glad God is still teaching me. Kind of concerned that He keeps telling me to get ready for battle....

Peace out peeps.