I love productive days don't you? Tomorrow, me and all the people on the east coast are supposed to endure a huge snow storm. I don't mind, I like to see the snow. In order to enjoy those times though, I find it is very important to be prepared. Get the car filled up, groceries bought and on and on.
Tuesday's are really quiet wonderful for me in general. They are my day off and I get to spend time on me and getting caught up with life. Today, one of those chores I had to get caught up on was laundry. Right now, I don't have laundry at my place so I went to a nearby town, Mystic, CT, to find a Laundromat. I am always nervous about these places - you just never know what you will encounter. Since I am still pretty fresh off of my college years, let's just say I am about over needing a laundromat every now and again. Anyway, God blessed me with the nicest place. I met this woman, the attendant of the laundromat, and her enthusiasm for life was so completely inspiring. Her intent is to make all those who come in to her place feel welcome. As I spent a couple of hours there God showed me how strong her work ethic is and how completely dedicated she was to getting her chores done around the place. It was a fresh reminder of how our hard work and living with a joyful attitude impacts others around us.
After a day full of errands I came home and guess what??? My So Long Insecurity book by BM finally arrived! Yeah! I splurged and got the one with the fake/printed signature on the front, but it is cool and I can pretend like she signed it :O) Today was also sign-ups for the upcoming Bible study she is facilitating.
So clearly I knew my mentor moment would come from my new book today:
I've learned some lessons that have have lasted decades, and I hope to heaven I don't ever have to relearn them. However, I've never arrived at a place where injury or uncertainty no longer issues an invitation to some pretty serious self-doubt even when I make the tough decision not to bite the bait. I still get thrown for a loop more easily than I would like and find myself in a temporary but painful setback of insecurity - one that affects me too chronically to deny that something is broken somewhere. Often when a situation warrants a minor case of injured feelings, I tend to respond with a classic case of devastation. "I know better than this," I chide. "I can't believe I've fallen for this again. My head knows good and well that this doesn't define me. What can't I get the message to my heart?
-Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, 11
So true, why can't I get the message to my heart? I feel like every day God blesses me with a deeper relationship with Him. I feel I am growing, dying to self, working to become a person who is completely submissive to His will for my life. Yet, there are times when I too suffer as BM describes here. I'm doing awesome and then BOOM - self doubt jumps on me faster than a germs on an airplane. I work to diligently claim the truths of God's Word during these times, but the deep felt insecurity sometimes takes me more than a few moments to overcome. It is so embarrassing to me. If people only knew how insecure I feel sometimes. I believe, like BM acknowledges in the first chapter, every woman and man struggles with insecurity on some level. I think some of us just do a better job of it not affecting our outward lives.
I am deeply interested in seeing what my mentor has to say about all of this. As hard as I have tried, the battle with insecurity is not one I could say I have won. Will this book help give me insight to overcoming? I don't know. What I do know is this: God does have something to say about it. And, based on my studies of BM thus far, I know she deals honestly with what God has been teaching her. So, I hope His truths and her experiences collided to give me a fresh focus on a method to win the war against insecurity.
Another thing of note, she says this is the closest thing to an autobiography you will likely read. I could easily agree. It took me months of pouring through her books to make up an autobiography of her life for my thesis. I ended up with like fifteen pages that was able to piece together through her works. She really does reveal a lot about herself, but it is all mixed in through videos, books, etc. Pretty interesting what God has shown me through my thesis project - later I share with you those discoveries. But anyway, I am looking forward to learning more about what God taught Beth about insecurity - it ought to be good and I pray my heart is receptive to what God will teach me.
Song of the Day: The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets
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