Day 180 "Discouraged?"

I know it seems a bit bleak to follow a post called "Encouraged" by one that is titled "Discouraged" but it is the reality of the situation. The good news is, this isn't a negative post, but how God helped me through a particularly hard day.

The sky was gorgeous today. It was the perfect shade of blue and the green trees that impeded my viewpoint of it were equally spectacular. The combination of beauty and God's presence around me makes me attuned to His obvious work in my life. I am glad that on days like today where life has dealt a strange and almost unbearable hand to me and my family, I have the spiritual maturity to know that God is in control. But that doesn't mean I have not had to work at being aware of God today.

Against my character, I was so overwhelmed at one point that I had to reach out to a friend to pray for me. I am not afraid to ask for prayer when I need it, I am just not always as willing to show how desperately I may need it in particular moments. It isn't to often that I am brought to tears by one of my own emails, but forcing myself to share my life with someone in a moment of discouragement helped me reaffirm my belief in the fact that God is in control. Today I think I just reached that breaking point we all have that brings us face down in front of God declaring our willingness to remain in the fight or leave it (For me this has been at least a once a week thing the last few months). Today, I choose to keep fighting. I choose to remain in Him, just like 1 John 2:24-27 encourages me to do:

What you have heard from the beginning must REMAIN in you. If what you have heard from the beginning REMAINS in you, then you will REMAIN in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that He Himself made to us: eternal life. I have written these things to you about those who are trying to deceive you. The anointing you received from Him REMAINS in you, and you don't need anyone to teach you. Instead, His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie; just as it has taught you, REMAIN in Him.

What brings me to the bottom today is the combination of lack of security in my life, politics in ministry, an awareness of people's unwillingness to walk by faith and not by sight and a general full blown spiritual attack by the enemy. In general, if these things just affect my life individually - with God I am able to find a way to somehow push passed the detrimental affects of it. But, when it is all at once and it spreads and I see it hurting the ones I love, it brings me to my knees. I recognize this all culminates into the fact that the enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy desires to get me to once again question my call to work in the ministry. Trust me, over the years I have had many reasons to not pursue my calling, but I never ceased to be amazed at how many opportunities life provides for us to just give up and be neutralized as one of Gods chosen.

I am reminded of a sermon by Jerry Falwell entitled, God of All Encouragement. I go to this message often and it is based on 2 Corinthians 1:2-4:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort [or encouragement]. He comforts us in all our affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

There are many helpful parts to this message. One thing is in particular is the affirmation that discouragement is natural, but that perpetual discouragement, which can also be characterized as depression is where the battle is lost for us. Falwell encourages us to remember that we are only as great as the thing that causes us to quit. He reminds me of the fact that God can not use a discouraged person in ministry. To overcome, we must be persistent and understand that life is not fair, but God has a plan. Rejection is unbearable, but we can't let it defeat us. We must be committed to never quit and remember that the life that pleases God is often painful and difficult. We need to go from one failure to the next with undiminished enthusiasm.

It is also pertinent that God has me studying the life of David with my mentor. I am nearing the end of my journey in A Heart Like His, but nonetheless God pointed me to something in particular today:

We do not know every fact about every event in Scripture. We don't always have the explanations for certain events and acts of God. He is sovereign. He owes us no explanation. He purposes us to walk by faith and not sight (245).

With regards to context she is talking about wrapping our minds around the unexplainable and hard to understand events in the Bible. But today, God reminds me that the same is true in life I may not get it, but that is OK. His purpose is for me to walk by faith and not by sight.

To get this point I allowed myself some down time. I went to the movies and watched two shows. I came home to my quiet place - and just had another downright Jesus Moment with God. I poured it out and He came down and meet with me. He is faithful that way and I am so grateful for that. I can't say I don't still have some concerns, but I can say I know He is working it all for His good.

Well, thanks for spending this time with me today. I hope you are able to see God around you despite the fact that your life circumstances may suggest otherwise.

Blessings Peeps!

Song of the Day: My Deliverer by Mandisa