A weird day today. Still totally happy, but like more anxious than ever. I am typically not anxious - or at least not typically aware of when I am anxious LOL. I know exactly what I am concerned about...FRIDAY. I am all over the place with how I feel about traveling to Nashville just so I can take some time to tell somebody how I feel about what God is doing in my life. Crazy right? But, I just know that is what God wants me to do.
I got in a serious nap today because it tends to help me be less anxious when I try and rest. And, I am vulnerable when I feel lonely. Tired and lonely is a deadly cocktail for me spiritually. This weird onset of discouragement make me think I might actually be onto something with what God is asking me to do. Maybe I am on the verge of doing something great for God and the enemy is coming at me full force. I hope that is the case because it means these feelings will pass if I stay focused on God. Maybe this is part of the battle God has been trying to get me ready for.
God has brought my aunt's conversation back to mind today. She believes that she sees God's presence in me growing and that I am meant to do great things. God uses people to tell me that from time to time. I have no idea what they see and God won't show me - so I guess I just will believe it is true. On days like today I just feel vacant inside. I hate that, it does not feel good. But I don't want the enemy to win, so I will trust that the encouragement God has given me these last few days is intended to help me today.
All I know is that I want to represent God well on Friday. I can't present His message as a depressed mess. God will get me there...He will make my thoughts clear. Gosh, it just feels like my heart is breaking. Honestly, I have nothing to cause this. I am like feeling right as rain except for the fact that I just sense this oppression around me.
Alas, this too shall pass. My BFF BM is there to guide me through today:
You see, if a person fears God, he or she has no reason to fear anything else. On the other hand, if a person does not fear God, then fear becomes a way of life (49).
This is true. As I work to deepen my relationship with God I have to make sure I respect Him properly. And trust He has got my back. It is why despite this awkward anxiety, I know that I must push forward. I fear the consequences of not doing what God is so clearly asking me to do. It reminds me of James 1:23-25:
Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like man looking at his own face in a mirror; for he looks at himself, goes way, and right war forgets what kind of man he was. But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer who acts - this person will be blessed in what he does.
So, I may not have accomplished much today, but I am deciding to push forward.
Peace out peeps.
Song of the Day: Broken Hallelujah by Mandisa
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