Whew. So, I am dreaming like crazy these last few days. I wish I knew what my brain is working so hard to figure out! All I know is it is causing me to wake up not feeling rested. I didn't dilly dally around my house today. I got dressed and went straight over to be a house sitter today. Before I got to work at my parents house I attended a webcast on dealing with crisis in ministry, especially miscarriage, adoption and infertility. I have not personally dealt with these issues, but I sense God wanting to prepare my heart about it - weird but true facts by April :O) I found it very informative and was encouraged by the women's faith portrayed as they shared their stories.
So, I got an interesting email today about a possible job opportunity in VA. Hmm. We will see how it goes.
I had another heart to heart with God tonight. I seem to be crying and praying a lot lately. Hmm. This is weird for me, but I am going with it. I'm just grateful to have to opportunity to be super focused on God. I'm really not so much a wreck, it just seems that I am super desperate to be as close to God as possible. Honestly, I have never wanted to serve Him more. I want Him to mold me into the person I am supposed to be - so I can serve Him in ways I cannot perceive.
I don't know. I just get that God is the only thing worth living for. I don't understand why more people don't feel that way. I'm not perfect. I know that. But I really want to do my best to become who I should be. I want to live knowing full well I am smack dab in the middle of God's will. It is something to strive for anyway. I can't wait to see where God will place me in the coming weeks - though there is a lot of uncertainty about it - I have a good feeling God is going to make me happier than ever.
Anyway, so in my mentor time I was in a chapter of A Heart Like His entitled "Count Your Blessings." I was reminded of the importance of inquiring of the Lord when we need a Word from Him regarding our lives. I want my heart to chase hard and fast after God, and David is a good example for me. One bit of encouragement:
David's example reminds us that doubting God and doubting we understood God are two different things....David did not ask God a second time because he doubted God, but because He needed to be certain (92)
This is good for me to know because sometimes I wonder if I question God in an improper way. I get the difference here. I see that some matters of the heart need a bit more confirmation so that we can make sure we are walking in God's will and not our own. I also picked up on the fact that we sometimes need some to be a minister of encouragement in our life. I have someone who is encouraging me right now in life. I try not to wrap myself up into needing that encouragement, but I can say this friend does more for me right now than she probably realizes, I am just working so hard to make sure I don't get on her nerves - ever been there? But anyway, in life it's the little words that keep me focused and driven to seek God's intended best for my life.
The last bit for today was:
Counting our blessings when we are betrayed, wrongly accused, and hunted by ruthless me is different kind of worship than counting our blessings in the safety of Sunday worship. David responded to his helpless estate by giving a freewill offering to God in proportion to HIs blessings (94).
This is hard to do. I am not being hunted down right now, but I have experience the feeling before and I am confident I will experience it again. But even right now, as my heart is a vulnerable state - my worship with God in the quiet place of my home is just different. I am glad we are able to relate to God in a multifaceted way. This reminder to count my blessings is a positive way to stay focused.
OK. I better get going. Talk to you soon peeps.
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