Monday, May 31, 2010
Day 151 "Memorial Day"
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Day 150 "Peaceful"
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Day 149 "Never Give Up"
Friday, May 28, 2010
Day 148 "Look to the Master"
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Day 147 "Aware but Unaware"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Day 146 "Hot Busy Bee"
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Day 145 "My God is Big"
Monday, May 24, 2010
Day 144 "Free As a Bird"
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Day 143 "Get Ready - Be Still"
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Day 142 "Still No Holy Land"
Friday, May 21, 2010
Day 141 "5K"
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Day 140 "Catalyst"
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 139 "Coming back to Life"
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Day 138 "Nobody In Particular"
With regards to accomplishments, I tend to be fiercely private about them. I suppose, that stems from having been exposed to a few too many egotistical people in my life. I just think we ought to be able to build relationships with one another not based on our previous merit. This is hard though because we need our accomplishments to build our credibility professionally, but do we need that interpersonally as well? I get that there are times when we have to claim where we have been so people can know why we matter. But relationally, I think this hurts us. It is too bad this system can't be simpler.
Take my calling for example. To succeed I will have to be totally obsessed with God. Check. I have to know His Word and keep trying to know it better until my last breath. Check. But, to get the message out and share what I am learning I have to first prove that I am not a psycho terrorist creating a new religion - so I get degrees from credible schools. Next, I have to build platforms. To do this in our culture I need a book, or a blog, or like a super connection that validates that God is blessing my life (no pressure right?). Then I have to work on getting in shape physically and work on my outer appearance because like it our not people both Christians and non are distracted by our appearance (all while eluding an obsession with vanity). It's not about restructuring my look away from Gods intended purpose for me, but it is about making sure I present the most polished version of said self in cloths that match so that I can be taken seriously. But how far do we go?
I once observed a lady who is the president of a pretty popular conference. In a down moment I was privy to a conversation about her jacket which was a $1000 dollars - just her jacket. She was totally cool with it and very nonchalant. I kind of wanted to rip it from her body so that I could make my car payment at the time, but I resisted LOL. But that is not the point...This woman who I just observed on stage asking people to support a myriad of charities like orphans was wearing a jacket that could feed like 20 of them. There was something about the timing of that moment that just hit me spiritually. I don't disrespect this woman. We have to look good. It is the nature of the beast and the culture in which we live. We have to buy cars, we have to have homes - we are not all called to live in a tent barely living, but how far do we go? Where is the line of enjoying God's blessings and buying a $1000 dollar jacket? I think what got me that day was not the fact that the jacket was expensive - honestly, I could careless about that. Solomon after all had the best of the best and I don't disrespect him. I guess it was just the attitude of that moment - like that it was just normal. Nothing special. Not a blessing from God. It was just one of many things that could be cast aside casually on a sofa.
Don't get me wrong, I am materialistic at heart, but I am working to spend my money wisely. I don't have a list of do's and don'ts. I spend money on the things that matter to me and on the things I need to do my job well without particular reservation. I am a technology fein and if I could I would right now replace this heap of metal in my lap with a brand new computer that would help me in so many ways - this one isn't broken, but I am aware of the fact that it limits me. It's the same with everything else in life. I could shop like my life depended on it if I wasn't going through a season of severe "broke-ness." I am from Texas for crying out loud and our culture is go big or go home. Take pride in what you do, how you look and how you act. And on the verge of being thrown out into the public eye, I know the cost of what needs to be done to make a serious effort toward pursuing my calling. When in Rome, do as the Romans do - that is how you reach them right?
I suppose I just want to be aware of my limits. I know that the Holy Spirit will guide me. I am not ashamed of big purchases in my life because I know and still can totally recognize when God is blessing me. I just don't want to lose sight of that.
Anyway, I also find that I see far to many people seeking relationships that benefit them verses building relationships based on who God wants us to interact with. Have we lost our inability just have pure friendships? No. I am not that pessimistic, but I do wonder how a celebrity mentality and materialist natures affects our ability to interact with one another.
Like it or not I have to realize that America has its own caste system of sorts. Researchers say it is rare that people are able to relate to people too far out on either end of their financial status. I suppose that stems from the culture associated with the mentality of people at different financial points. But, what dawns on me today, is that in our Christian culture we create such a caste system as well. We base so much on levels of spirituality - my goodness look at how many denominations we have created for ourselves! It's insane. Instead of drawing together and growing as the body of Christ we base our relationships on perceived spirituality.
All this said, I guess I want people just to like me for me - not for what I have done or how I look. I want to make sure I don't lose who I am in God at this moment. I want to grow in Him, not grow in me. I realize I am a little out there tonight in my thinking, I blame it on my brain trying to adjust to its new freedom from school. And, I suppose American Idol tonight has driven me toward considering celebrity. Our culture puts such a demand on us doesn't it?
I wish I could tie in a mentor moment, but I suppose the only thing I really have with regards to this is my own observations of her. She exudes a humble spirit and graciousness. For me, that has been a consistent observation. No doubt, God has blessed her. But honestly, I don't think you would be aware of how much if you just met her on the street. So, I guess that is it. We buy what we need to buy to do our best to represent God to the fullest. We realize that we are not seeking to cover insecurity, but seeking to be our best. We enjoy the richness of the blessings and keep a humble attitude with regard to the blessings. We know that others are always watching and learn to be considerate of others as we share the abundance with those who are less fortunate. I guess that it is it for tonight.
Peace out peeps.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Day 137 "Guiltless Posting"
Monday, May 10, 2010
Temporary Delay....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Day 125 "Awesome God"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Day 124 "Affirmation"
Today I experienced an especially good moment with my mentor. This morning as I sit in my apartment that was built in like 1860 something, my mind is on God and what He is doing in my life. I never cease to be amazed at the places He takes me. This morning I am no where really and I am content to be in a quiet place alone with Him. People are bustling about outside cleaning up remnants from the floods from a few weeks ago.
I undeniably woke up today with my mind attuned to God. This I might add is a direct answer to prayer because last night was all about being flat on my face before Him telling God everything on my heart and mind. Telling Him I am overwhelmed by how directly He has been speaking to me these last days.
But anyway, the point was letting Him know that despite how insufficient I may feel to embrace the call He has so clearly put on my life – I would submit to Him. I want the best God has for me. I want to give Him my whole life no matter what. Even though I don’t know in what way that will manifest, I can say that whether I succeed or fail I am going to do my absolute best to serve Him completely.
All this led to this morning where I started the day watching Pricilla Schrier talk about her new book, One in a Million and the timing of her message was so relevant to the work God is doing in my heart this morning. He is reminding me that if I remain faithful, if I keep pushing forward everyday – I can be that one in a million too - that person who experiences the abundance of what He has for us on this earth.
And then, God continued to speak directly to me and you probably can guess who He used to do it. But, first you need to know that Sunday morning I woke up to no internet. So, since I’ve returned from Boston the only way I have accessed anything was through my phone. One thing in particular I had done prior to my internet outage was to check my BFF’s blog to see if she had written. Oh mano – she must have been busy this week b/c since the simulcast there had been nothing from her, which is cool - but I’ve just been wondering what the experience was like for her. Stick with me there is a point :O) So, Sunday no internet and well I didn’t think about checking these last couple of days b/c I am trying so hard to finish with school this week that I haven’t thought of it. Pulled an all nighter Sunday – Walked around in a fog Monday – had a Jesus moment Monday night – and woke up feeling God with me this morning. And after a quiet time this morning and the message from Pricilla – God tells me to pull out my phone and check the blog….
What’s the title I see? The Baffling Calling to Communicate. After losing my mind over my calling last night and just being gut wrenching honest about how I feel about His call on my life to communicate to others – BAM right in my face a post – a post from BM nonetheless – telling me about the crazy ride it is being a speaker working for God. Just that He waited to let me discover this today so that I could be reaffirmed after dedicating myself for the millionth time to do what ever He asks me to do – God blows my mind - it just wouldn't have hit my heart the same if I had read it on Sunday.
As I read her post & basically saw my heart and my prayers from last night on my little iPhone screen being spoke back to me through BM – it’s a crazy sensation. I love that she admits that the whole call to speak is still a mystery – at least with regards to the "how to do it well" part. What I liked best:
What I’m talking about here is almost indefinable. I’d more easily be able to tell you how it feels than tell you what it is and yet sometimes it’s there and there’s no feeling at all. Muddled yet?
I think that about covers it really and I am glad I am not the only one that feels it like this. If you have kept up with me on here – you know that many weeks ago I tried to capture the feeling of it – the deep peace – the knowing you're to speak but being out of the loop a bit on how it will come out – Anyway, I won’t go on and on about this moment I am having with my mentor – read the post it is a good one - God just used it in a big way to speak to me. He knows I am content just serving behind the scenes where nobody knows me. He knows I have thought more than twice about being up in front of people. But I know with each passing day this urge in me to go out and speak and teach and make a difference in this world is intensifying. I am to the point now that I literally almost feel I am going to explode if I don’t take action soon.
I am happy to be reminded that the only thing I have to do is guard my intimate relationship with God. If I chase after God and remain close to Him – then I will have all the assurance of my calling that I need. It's been a bit rough today because there have been some semi-discouraging comments come my way. Yet, I'm still hopeful. I'm still dreaming big. I have to believe that God will direct my path in the way I should go.
For today I meditate on this: "He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body, by the power that enables Him to subject everything to Himself." -Phillipians 3:21 - It is so awesome that we have this to look forward too. Even if I don't accomplish a single thing with my life - at least I know that one day I'll be in heaven transformed anew in the best place my mind can't even imagine.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Day 123 "Monday Fog"
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Day 122 "Weird Morning"
OH man. Last night I suppose my brain was trying to process all that I went through this week. I've been on fire - encouraged - secure - etc. Well, you know how in our dreams we always try to make sense of the world? Well, I suppose my brain was having a rough time last night. I am not one to remember dreams – quite frankly if it weren’t for the occasions I get woke up in the middle of them I would tell you that I never did. Such was the case this morning. I needed to get ready for church- I needed to get there and get my praise and worship grove on. But let me tell you, I did not wake up happy this morning.
I know the enemy was trying to set my feet on a path to get me discouraged based on the dreams I was having. Or maybe this is just evidence that there are still remnants of insecurity I have regarding my blog and somehow in my dreamland I was trying to work that out. Look, I’m not comfortable sharing what the dream was about because it was a dream and I never remember them clearly anyway. But what I can say is that for part of that dream I was at a conference. Apparently, I had anxiety about being at this conference but I was excited about it because I knew that was where God wanted me to be. I felt that as sure as I am sitting here typing right now. While there I met people I truly respected and that is where the dream went south – almost in unison people I recognized and didn't were telling me they were angry with me for writing my blog – called me crazy and well let’s just say I woke up not to long after that and I seriously thought I was going to cry. Crazy right? This was a new one for me to say the least. Who knew dreaming could totally bum you out? It was so weird.
I am a happy person – I don’t regularly wake up feeling like I am going to cry my eyes out over a dream nonetheless. Even when bad things do happen it usually doesn't take me to long to get over it. Yet, the despair I felt in that moment was pretty intense that it rocked my whole morning. Even though I know it wasn’t real and totally illogical – it felt like honestly it had really just happened and it was so intense.
I know in some ways it is natural that my brain is still adapting to living as a newly secure person – but I tell you I had to go straight to the throne this morning and have God help me out. He was faithful and He came down to comfort me. I had to just keep telling myself it was only a dream. Once I got to church still praying silently to myself about it – I just put my focus on leading worship. Sure enough, God spoke and worked as we heard a message from Ephesians 1. Slowly but surely the sinking feeling faded away, but I am shocked by how much this affected me today.
Nonetheless, God blessed me with an amazing day. We fellowshipped after church. I was able to take my mini BFF’s out to pizza, slurpees and to the beach before we went to see their brothers play a baseball game. Once home, I got caught up on my remaining school work and it ended up being a great day.
"Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don’t submit again to the yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1) – I’m not going to let this minor dreaming mishap set me back. I still can't believe it really even happened. I am free to live confidently doing what God has asked me to do right? Right. I am free and I will keep being obedient to write this blog until God tells me otherwise.
Well, I guess that is about it for my Sunday ramblings.