OH man. Last night I suppose my brain was trying to process all that I went through this week. I've been on fire - encouraged - secure - etc. Well, you know how in our dreams we always try to make sense of the world? Well, I suppose my brain was having a rough time last night. I am not one to remember dreams – quite frankly if it weren’t for the occasions I get woke up in the middle of them I would tell you that I never did. Such was the case this morning. I needed to get ready for church- I needed to get there and get my praise and worship grove on. But let me tell you, I did not wake up happy this morning.
I know the enemy was trying to set my feet on a path to get me discouraged based on the dreams I was having. Or maybe this is just evidence that there are still remnants of insecurity I have regarding my blog and somehow in my dreamland I was trying to work that out. Look, I’m not comfortable sharing what the dream was about because it was a dream and I never remember them clearly anyway. But what I can say is that for part of that dream I was at a conference. Apparently, I had anxiety about being at this conference but I was excited about it because I knew that was where God wanted me to be. I felt that as sure as I am sitting here typing right now. While there I met people I truly respected and that is where the dream went south – almost in unison people I recognized and didn't were telling me they were angry with me for writing my blog – called me crazy and well let’s just say I woke up not to long after that and I seriously thought I was going to cry. Crazy right? This was a new one for me to say the least. Who knew dreaming could totally bum you out? It was so weird.
I am a happy person – I don’t regularly wake up feeling like I am going to cry my eyes out over a dream nonetheless. Even when bad things do happen it usually doesn't take me to long to get over it. Yet, the despair I felt in that moment was pretty intense that it rocked my whole morning. Even though I know it wasn’t real and totally illogical – it felt like honestly it had really just happened and it was so intense.
I know in some ways it is natural that my brain is still adapting to living as a newly secure person – but I tell you I had to go straight to the throne this morning and have God help me out. He was faithful and He came down to comfort me. I had to just keep telling myself it was only a dream. Once I got to church still praying silently to myself about it – I just put my focus on leading worship. Sure enough, God spoke and worked as we heard a message from Ephesians 1. Slowly but surely the sinking feeling faded away, but I am shocked by how much this affected me today.
Nonetheless, God blessed me with an amazing day. We fellowshipped after church. I was able to take my mini BFF’s out to pizza, slurpees and to the beach before we went to see their brothers play a baseball game. Once home, I got caught up on my remaining school work and it ended up being a great day.
"Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don’t submit again to the yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1) – I’m not going to let this minor dreaming mishap set me back. I still can't believe it really even happened. I am free to live confidently doing what God has asked me to do right? Right. I am free and I will keep being obedient to write this blog until God tells me otherwise.
Well, I guess that is about it for my Sunday ramblings.
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