Today has been totally weird. I stayed up until 6am working on some of my last assignments for school. I am so happy that I was productive, but it has left my brain feeling like I am in outer space. I miss the days when I could totally function on 3 hours of sleep. I took a nap this morning and woke up to try and finish working on the rest of my stuff. I wrote one lesson on Mary, but for the most part I can't say I feel like I am accomplishing anything really.
It's so weird being so close to finishing school - yet just not being able to pull it together and get it done is hard. Also, I am stuck without my internet so it makes doing my work very difficult. Feeling unproductive, I turned to TV watching because I am terribly behind on watching 24 - now I am caught up and I am anticipating how the character Jack will once again save America - I am pretty sure he will by either next week or the week after.
After that I spent sometime with my mentor and today on this particular Life Today episode (from April 7th) she was talking about how people can't bear being idolized. Talking about how the only person in this world worthy of being worshipped is the one true God. How we are healthiest when we give ourselves wholly and completely to God and don't let anybody get in the way of that. I've noted from the get-go here that I have always feared that someone would read my blog and somehow get the impression that I idolize BM in someway. I agree there is a fine line we teeter on when we look up to people who teach us about God. If we put them on a pedestal and believe they are something they are not - I think we cross the line.
For me, especially after the weird dream I had yesterday - I really had to just get down and dirty with God about this. We really had it out tonight. I talked to Him about the blog, my calling, the work He is doing in my life over this vision He has given me, and on and on. We laughed - I cried. It was seriously a Jesus moment. But, what it came down to for me was that God affirmed me in both life and about this blog. To me, BM is just normal. I don't idolize her, but I do have a tremendous amount of respect for her. She is blessed to be able to do some awesome ministry work in her life - but for all intents and purposes she just reminds me of family. Whether she reminds me of my home Texas or just makes me laugh, I simply cannot deny that God is using her in my life to mold me into the person I am to become. How he affirmed me was to remind me that I am not trying to become her - I am simply learning from her life to be inspired to become who I am supposed to be.
Well, this post really may be irrelevant to anybody. It's cool - remember the whole point of the is for me to just journal out my experiences. And, since there is no one in my life who I can talk to for real about what I am learning - I am blogging it out so that there is some form of accountability for me before God.
Realistically, I would obviously like BM to be my real mentor. I think she could teach me a lot and help me gain a better perspective on my calling. But, at the same time - God is teaching me through her despite the fact that we don't actually know each other - and I think that is pretty cool. I want a mentor - I really do - it would be great to feel like someone cared enough to want to invest in me - but what I have right now is almost better - i know that God cares enough to invest in me. He brings women and men into my life on a daily basis who challenge me to go further and to be better. So, I'm just going to stay on course and see what happens.
If you think on it though, please lift up some prayers on my behalf. I have some situations in my life right now that are kind of downers - but my God is big and I know He will over come these situations.
"Instead, just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please men, but rather God, who examines our hearts" - 1 Thessalonians 2:4
3 comments:
This is so crazy! I was just thinking about writing a post about this too! I sometimes wonder if I idolize Beth but I think it's just that I "get" her. God has spoken so many things to me through her that I just feel a real connection.
I was thinking about your mentor situation and...maybe God wants you to rely on him instead of a real-live mentor during this season of your life. He's obviously doing a big work in you. Just keep trusting and believing. He can do such awesome things! Your in my prayers.
Thank you so much for the prayers Heather - I really appreciate them. I am sorry it has taken me a while to reply - but my internet is still out. I appreciate your understanding with what God is trying to teach me through this project and I agree - somehow there is just some sort of connection there.
Today, I realize to things about it. One is - it is natural because the reality is we are sisters in Christ and we may never truly understand the connectedness we have with each other in this regard until we reach heaven - i mean look at us - we are connected and have never met :O) ! And too, we simply can't deny that God through His anointing on her life is using her to mold us into more mature women and I think that is pretty cool.
Thank you for your prayers about my mentor. I agree that God is wanting me to rely on Him right now and that is encouragement I definitely need today. I am glad we are friends. I look forward to getting to know you better.
I always forget to check back to the comments I leave!! I totally get what your project is about and I think it's really cool. God does work in mysterious ways, introducing two (Texas :o) ) girls on a blog who want to have a closer relationship to God. He always gives us something we need!!
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