Day 149 "Never Give Up"

I am consumed with the most peaceful feeling. Today, is gorgeous and I felt compelled to sit, chill and hear a word from God. I sat in a camp chair under a huge tree and just committed to it. I listened to a few songs on my iPhone and then felt compelled to listen to one of my favorite messages of all time, The God of All Encouragement by Jerry Falwell. God always brings this around to me when I need it. It speaks so clearly to my soul. I pick up something different from it every time. The essence is we aren't about our talent, wealth, or abilities - we are only as good as what it takes to discourage us.

You know, I don't disagree. the thing I am most grateful for in life is my God-given ability to persevere. To fail, but to get up and keep going again. This is God in me. I've prayed He would take me home to heaven many times. But, His will is that I remain here away from my true home for awhile. I am willing. I am driven by Him to greatness, I simply pray that I am able to submit to Him fully and completely so that I can do the work He has for me. I like days like today when I am aware of His beauty and can just sit smack dab in the middle of it and enjoy it. I like sensing that though I feel clueless and disillusioned, everything is going to be OK.

Like Job says, "Though he slay me, I trust in Him." If can't live this too, there really is no point. No doubt I still have remnants of insecurities. But step by step - God will help me overcome. I am just working to get in shape physically and spiritually and THIS IS WAY HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. I want to be able to offer the best version of myself as a vessel for His work you know?

So, it is crazy how peaceful I feel today. I mean really, I can't describe it. It's like I am aware of God's awareness of me. I know He knows all my troubles - I truly trust Him with it all. I don't know what He's cookin', but for now, I resign to enjoy the rest and look forward to what is ahead with Him. I sense I am in the perfect place with Him. For the most part I am alone - I have nothing - but I have my God. I'd rather this then be without my God inside me.

God confirmed this "Never Give Up" themed message for today through my friend's blog as well. It was about how leaders are not suppose to give up. And, in my mentor moment reminded me (through A Heart Like His) of the destructive side of being more aware of myself than God:

Self-consciousness constitutes the opposite of God-consciousness (37).

And this verse:

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ (Gal 1:10)

Hmm. This has truly been an interesting day. It makes me aware that something is coming. I don't know what, but life is on a path for big change that is what I know......

Peace out for now peeps.