Today I experienced an especially good moment with my mentor. This morning as I sit in my apartment that was built in like 1860 something, my mind is on God and what He is doing in my life. I never cease to be amazed at the places He takes me. This morning I am no where really and I am content to be in a quiet place alone with Him. People are bustling about outside cleaning up remnants from the floods from a few weeks ago.
I undeniably woke up today with my mind attuned to God. This I might add is a direct answer to prayer because last night was all about being flat on my face before Him telling God everything on my heart and mind. Telling Him I am overwhelmed by how directly He has been speaking to me these last days.
But anyway, the point was letting Him know that despite how insufficient I may feel to embrace the call He has so clearly put on my life – I would submit to Him. I want the best God has for me. I want to give Him my whole life no matter what. Even though I don’t know in what way that will manifest, I can say that whether I succeed or fail I am going to do my absolute best to serve Him completely.
All this led to this morning where I started the day watching Pricilla Schrier talk about her new book, One in a Million and the timing of her message was so relevant to the work God is doing in my heart this morning. He is reminding me that if I remain faithful, if I keep pushing forward everyday – I can be that one in a million too - that person who experiences the abundance of what He has for us on this earth.
And then, God continued to speak directly to me and you probably can guess who He used to do it. But, first you need to know that Sunday morning I woke up to no internet. So, since I’ve returned from Boston the only way I have accessed anything was through my phone. One thing in particular I had done prior to my internet outage was to check my BFF’s blog to see if she had written. Oh mano – she must have been busy this week b/c since the simulcast there had been nothing from her, which is cool - but I’ve just been wondering what the experience was like for her. Stick with me there is a point :O) So, Sunday no internet and well I didn’t think about checking these last couple of days b/c I am trying so hard to finish with school this week that I haven’t thought of it. Pulled an all nighter Sunday – Walked around in a fog Monday – had a Jesus moment Monday night – and woke up feeling God with me this morning. And after a quiet time this morning and the message from Pricilla – God tells me to pull out my phone and check the blog….
What’s the title I see? The Baffling Calling to Communicate. After losing my mind over my calling last night and just being gut wrenching honest about how I feel about His call on my life to communicate to others – BAM right in my face a post – a post from BM nonetheless – telling me about the crazy ride it is being a speaker working for God. Just that He waited to let me discover this today so that I could be reaffirmed after dedicating myself for the millionth time to do what ever He asks me to do – God blows my mind - it just wouldn't have hit my heart the same if I had read it on Sunday.
As I read her post & basically saw my heart and my prayers from last night on my little iPhone screen being spoke back to me through BM – it’s a crazy sensation. I love that she admits that the whole call to speak is still a mystery – at least with regards to the "how to do it well" part. What I liked best:
What I’m talking about here is almost indefinable. I’d more easily be able to tell you how it feels than tell you what it is and yet sometimes it’s there and there’s no feeling at all. Muddled yet?
I think that about covers it really and I am glad I am not the only one that feels it like this. If you have kept up with me on here – you know that many weeks ago I tried to capture the feeling of it – the deep peace – the knowing you're to speak but being out of the loop a bit on how it will come out – Anyway, I won’t go on and on about this moment I am having with my mentor – read the post it is a good one - God just used it in a big way to speak to me. He knows I am content just serving behind the scenes where nobody knows me. He knows I have thought more than twice about being up in front of people. But I know with each passing day this urge in me to go out and speak and teach and make a difference in this world is intensifying. I am to the point now that I literally almost feel I am going to explode if I don’t take action soon.
I am happy to be reminded that the only thing I have to do is guard my intimate relationship with God. If I chase after God and remain close to Him – then I will have all the assurance of my calling that I need. It's been a bit rough today because there have been some semi-discouraging comments come my way. Yet, I'm still hopeful. I'm still dreaming big. I have to believe that God will direct my path in the way I should go.
For today I meditate on this: "He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body, by the power that enables Him to subject everything to Himself." -Phillipians 3:21 - It is so awesome that we have this to look forward too. Even if I don't accomplish a single thing with my life - at least I know that one day I'll be in heaven transformed anew in the best place my mind can't even imagine.
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