Wow. There are 18 days left in the year. 16 days and I'll have been on this journey for 365 days. Much to my surprise I am ending the year as I begun it - wrapped up in Breaking Free. These last couple of weeks have been terribly confusing. This year has been mind boggling. And today as God once again allowed me a clear view of the depravity of my soul - I sit baffled wondering why it is He takes any time with me at all. Somehow, I sense that is why God has brought Beth Moore into my life. In my opinion she goes "there" with God - willing to fight the fight to truly be free no matter the cost. As I near the end of the year, I realize the work He has done in her life will for ever leave a mark on my soul and undoubtedly shape the character of who I am to be in the future.
No one in the free world affects me more than God. But there are a few people who have marked me forever and Beth Moore will be among those few. I'm continually surprised by the people He brings into my life to change and mold me. But as I look at this year, I realize this year was about the battle we each have with selff. The battle to realize that Paul's words of "dying to self" truly is gain. I can't help but question whether or not I am making any progress in my spiritual walk. The old adage of 3 steps forward and 10 steps back seems to be an accurate representation of my progress. Yet, simultaneously, I can see that God is helping me grow stronger. And who knows, maybe I am doing better than I think. All I know, is that I am willing to keep trying to move forward.
It brings me to the realization of today. This concept of "freedom road." I am hard pressed to think that my journey and what I am too learn from Beth Moore and other spiritual mentors will become any less dumbfounding in the coming year. As I sit reflecting over the phases God taught her to Breaking Free, I sense the journey for the coming year is to take the lessons of security and fresh grounded faith to move forward to claiming the life God has for me. Going down the road to freedom that helps me reach my ultimate goal of being sold out. For those unfamiliar with Breaking Free the phases based on 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 are thus:
Phase One: "divine power to demolish strong holds" (we can't overcome our strongholds on our own)
Phase Two: "we demolish arguments and every pretension" (we must overcome our rationalizations and find humility so that we can establish a mind set that is ready to be free)
Phase Three: "that sets itself up against the knowledge of God" (Satan's goal is to keep our minds focused on anything but God - we were created to worship Him, Satan wants us to worship anything else)
Phase Four: "we take captive every thought" (we cannot look for a quick fix - we must pursue God and an ever lasting change in our minds to make them truly steadfast against becoming prisoners of destructive, negative, and misleading thoughts for too long)
Phase Five: "to make it obedient to Christ" ("The road to freedom seems a paradox. To experience victory and freedom we need to become captives. We need to develop minds captive to Christ. In this life, we are most free whose minds are captivated by Christ. Victorious lives flow from victorious thoughts. Thinking victorious thoughts comes from setting our focus on a victorious God" - 231)
And within those phases lie the next part of my journey. This year I will turn 30. I am fearful of aging another year lost in the confusing troubles of aging without a particular heartfelt purpose before me. I have a couple more weeks to ponder what God would have me pursue next. I do know that partly I will continue on learning from my self appointed mentor . She will lead the charge in helping me when the battle of my mind by holding me accountable to memorizing Scripture.
This last month has been challenging. Spiritual darkness is all around me and I wonder if I am shining my light for God. But, I must have faith. I must believe that He has me where He wants me. I like the words of Joshua in 3:5 (noted by BM) which state, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." Right now, I can't comprehend God using me to do anything amazing, but part of learning true security is believing it is possible despite myself because I am secure in the One who made me.
Well, that is for today. I just felt compelled to write and it has been awhile. I see also that I didn't publish my last thoughts in November so I will add those in the coming days.
Blessings peeps. Talk to you soon.
