Well you guys, I am 50,000 words closer to being released of a project that has been on my plate for almost three years. This last week I have written 80 pages and I can hardly believe the progress God has allowed me to make. With every word I type, I feel myself becoming more free. I am not quite there yet, but I feel myself getting closer by the minute. I should have this chapter roughed out tonight, which leaves me with just one more short one for tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention I have to work in two final exams between now and then as well? LOL - I got this right?
I will tell you it has taken everything I have got to get this far. I have spent so much time this week wearing holes in the floor with my knees. Other times just laying flat on my face overwhelmed and helpless. There were moments when I was down before God every five minutes and other times when I was writing I just felt like I was typing on a cloud. And moments where I got so distracted by the presence of God with me that I just broke out into my own praise and worship sessions. Mano! This thesis will be the product of blood, sweat and tears I tell you. But, I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel.
My mentor you know is in Toronto right now. I wish I was there, I've always wanted to see that city. And honestly, after the week I have here all up in her business, I feel kind of like I just want to visit with her, eat moon pies and just talk about how awesome God is. You know - just chalax. But honestly, BM has been all up in my grill this week with all of the Breaking Free jazziness. I wonder if she ever just sits in amazement at the ride God has taken her on these last years. I bet she does. I do and my life is not nearly as exciting.
It's difficult to think of a mentor moment today. I have gleaned so much this week. But as I near the end, something from the message "The Steadfast Mind" stands out to me:
Are we going to stand there and take one glance in the mirror of God's Word and walk away and forget what we've heard or are we going to be set free by the perfect law of liberty? We've got to have a response to that. We've got to grow in the truth instead of just growing in head knowledge.
- Beth Moore, Breaking Free video, 1999
As I near the end of the this project, I can't neglect all that God has taught me along the way. For a time, my thesis was bondage for me because things have happened to me that have just ripped me in half spiritually and mentally. Satan has put me under some of the worst spiritual attack I have ever experienced. But the message of this series remains true, God is there and He continues to bring me victory. This week I can not deny His protective hand on me. He has used this study to refine me and remove the dross from my life. It has been a crazy ride, but really really good. My love for God and His truth has deepened and I just can't wait to see the future He has ahead for me.
On another note. Between you and me, I am having a really REALLY hard time remaining objective while I write this paper. I am supposed to write it from the point of view that I am not a Christian. I am using this theory to figure out what's going on below the surface. But when I am this deep in the Word of God - it's like I have jumping beans inside and I just want to scream out the name of Jesus. Don't worry, I am working Him in there, but not as blatant as I would like. Maybe that's why He gave me this blog - so I could just be real about how I am feeling somewhere you know?
Anyway, I don't know how it will all turn out. When you put this much of your life into something you want it to be accepted. But, I am so intimidated about handing it over to three professors. They could rip me a part and put it all back to square one again. But, to God be the glory. My dream for this thing is that somehow He uses this paper to bring Him glory. Maybe someone will use this paper in their research and God's truth will jump out to them. We just never know right? At least I can say that I know, this week, I have been doing exactly what God has wanted me to do.
Be encouraged my peeps out there in the blogosphere. I hope God works mightily in your life this coming week.
Oh and here is my jam today - it speaks right to my soul.
Song of the Day: Lay 'Em Down by Needtobreathe
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