Day 230 "Overcoming"

You know what? I am not disillusioned to the fact that life is a culmination of processes and experiences that come together to make us someone unique not only in the eyes of the world - but also in the eyes of God. Though I have had more than a fair share of people ask me if they know me or who say "You remind me of such and such" - it feels good knowing that in God's eyes I only remind Him of myself.

Clearly I am in deep thinking mode today, but I did not wake up in such a mood. Actually, I woke up with the weight of the world on my chest and very much considered not getting up for a bit longer because I didn't want to face it. But you know, in faith I just wanted to get up and be like "God I can't handle this feeling, but I am willing to get up and let you help me with it."

So, I made myself some brunch and snuggled up in front of the TV with my BFF and told God to lay it on me. I've been wanting to sequentially watch her three sessions from LifeToday on "Brokenness and Healing." I had watched 2 and they got my mind rolling, but it had been some days and I was strongly compelled to sit there with the rest of my chocolate ice cream from the other day, my Bible, and my little black notebook. I felt determined to wrap my head around the message as a whole.

If you have kept up with my blog this year, you know that the goal of it is to get to the bottom of myself so that I can be filled up and made whole in God. That has meant working to overcome my two strongest battles: insecurity & healing of wounds I thought were healed but aren't. I can honestly say I feel like God has brought me a long way, but I will by no means say I feel I have overcome the worst of it. IF anything, I think God is making me aware of how low it is possible to go and still keep going with Him. Anyway, but that gets me to what I learned from my mentor. 7 things stood out to me:

1. You can not love God & Not love others
2. You can not love others without loving God
3. God cares about our broken hearts - no matter what caused them to become broken (ourselves included)
4. Jesus Christ was sent to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts
5. A constant over reaction in a situation is usually representative of something not being right inside our hearts and we need to allow God to work in us to show us how to heal and fix it
6. We need to go beyond superficial surface healing and allow healing to go deep inside our wounds to heal them completely
7. And, if we don't heal we become either perpetual victims or victimizers.

Whew. That is a lot to take in I know. I suggest letting it sink in a minute if you need to. The first two alone could be a post all by themselves. They show that we can't just chose how our love comes out, but that love is an overflow of a heart filled by God - if we are truly filled we can't help but love and feel love in return.

I really like the assurance of 3 & 4 . I know God as my healer, but sometimes I don't feel I deserve healing when I know there are some areas I have broken my own heart from my own misinterpretation or poor choices. But the cool part is that God loves me enough to heal me even then. Jesus is there to heal all types of broken hearts - that is what the Word says - not just some kinds -ALL KINDS.

The last three just prepare my heart for her two prescriptions for healing. When we see this over reaction of emotion just come out of now where - we need to pay attention to it - let God show us the root cause. And when we get there with Him and He shows us the pain - we need to not overlook the healing part. I am guilty of this. I'll let Him break me all the way down - and I settle for just surface healing. Partly because I suppose that is all I feel I deserve. But what I understand, is if I don't let it go down and really heal - I'll become a perpetual victim or bitterness and anger will lead me to victimize others. Now, I'll be honest, my sanguine personality rarely manifests in the the second option - but that doesn't mean it isn't possible.

She offers these two prescriptions:

1. Commit to a season of healing (Ecc. 3:3) (And, have someone hold you accountable to it)
2. Stop letting guilt block your healing.

Woah. Kind of seems too easy, but it stopped me in my little tracks today and really got me down to wanting to kick this hurt-thing in the tail end. Two sources of hurt emerged immediately - two sources I thought at the beginning of this year I had kind of all ready dealt with again for the umpteenth time. But that's the point of this - is there perpetual hurt that emerges? Even if it cycles in life slowly - then its still there!!! BUMMER.

So, here I am again. Taking up old battles with new tools. The challenge is to go at it for 30 days - having someone partner with you to pray you through it. The deal is not just to deal with it when it hurts - but to deal with it EVERYDAY good and bad - so that God can get you to a place where you truly conquer it. I like this plan and it is a new way to go about it. We all know that on my high days I could spiritually sail the Titanic with my gusto for life. So there it is. A commitment to heal. Now that I have let it settle on me I have five areas I am seeking to lift up. Two hurt me more than the others and the other 3 provide me with a source of over reactions. I'm not saying I'll conquer all five in 30 days - but I am saying my God is big enough to help me take them all five on without letting me kill over dead.

The BFF says to go at it like this for 30 days and then re-access. So that is my plan for now. For 30 days I choose to see how God will minister to these hurts & this time when He gets me to that place where He is ready to heal me - I am actually just going to let Him heal me instead of convincing myself I don't deserve it. So if you think on it - pray for me. I would appreciate it.

I live this with you from So Long Security:

"After the likes of Adam, Eve, Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, Leah, Rachel, Saul, the woman at the well, the super-apostles, and Paul, surely we can breathe a sigh of relief that we are not alone in our struggles. Human flesh and blood have no weakness so strong that God's strength is made weak. He's got what we need. It's up to us whether or not we're going to let the worst of us get the best of us. 'May the Lord answer you when you are in trouble; may the God of Jacob make you secure!' (Ps. 20:1)"

As it were - the chapter for today is "Rooting it Out" - I feel ready for it after all this LOL. Have a great day peeps!