Day 226 "Not Again"

I am not a fan of being an insomniac. But, God tends to find it funny - so I am learning to embrace it - until He helps me sleep normally again :O) Today was nothing special, I felt a bit under the weather so I did my typical Monday routine and rested with a few of my favorite shows. I packed a few boxes and read. No golf today - trust me - having a job won't come soon enough! I am living these days like an 80 year old lady with no car and nothing to do. (By the way - when I am 80 I do hope that I am quiet busy you know - I want to be speaking and teaching till I die - maybe by then I will have enough credibility to actually represent God appropriately LOL).

That being said, I do have a couple of things on my mind. As I mentioned last week, I am working through So Long Insecurity - again. I'll read this book till I get it LOL. The enemy would have me not finish it, but I will dagum (some Texas word I am trying to learn to use to keep me in touch with my roots :O), I WILL.

Today in particular a quote stood out:

"The beauty of Paul wasn't his superhumanity but his unwillingness to let his weaknesses, feelings, and fears override his faith. Like us, the fiercest enemy he had to fight in the fulfillment of his destiny was himself. To Paul, the essence of the crucified life was daily dying to the part of himself that would deny, destroy, or distract from the great word of God in him. The great work of God through him."

I love Paul. I think he would be a good friend to me. I can't wait to meet him in heaven. You know, if anything, I can say that God has me RIGHT HERE. My weaknesses, fears and feelings have an overwhelming presence in my life right now. My ability to fight the good fight and keep courageous has been underwhelming. I am weaker than I want to be when it comes to living life fully dressed in my armor. I am trying, but I am having the hardest time seeing if I am making any progress. Right now, I define success as being able to say I still trust God and love my Jesus at the end of the day. Until I get my sea legs for my current situation...that will have to be what supplies me contentment.

I told you I was also working through the Chronicles of Narnia - right now I am working on "The Horse and His Boy." I was drawn to this quote today, "Like most days when you are alone and waiting for something this day seemed about a hundred hours long. He had plenty to think of, of course, but sitting alone, just thinking, is pretty slow."

And that is a good conclusion if I could say so myself - Thank you CS Lewis! Right now, waiting is making my days long and my hours slow. I am working to not be wrapped up in thinking & doing my best to use wisely the time I have. My goal is to die to myself - just like my spiritual hero Paul. It may take until I am 80 to get a grip on life - but as long as I can get there with some sort of a grip - I'll know I've made some progress.

OK - I am off to do some more slow living :O) - But hey - at least I am still living right?